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I don't see what is so unreasonable about asking her to contribute once or twice...I'm fine paying 90%, heck even 99% of the time. I just need to see some assuarance from her that she is invested in this too and isn't so "traditional" as to think men should always pay for everything. I understand women contribute to relationships outside of money and thus men are expected to contribute more financially, but I don't believe in one way financial streets. I don't care if the split is 90/10 or 50/50, but I need to see something coming from the other direction.
Im judging her attitude about paying, not the amount she pays.
I like the way you think, regarding attitudes about paying and money. Since money is probably the biggest issue in relationships, you need to know fairly early on what someone's attitude toward it is. Sadly, I've had money issues in most of my relationships and my marriage. I dated a few jerks where I always paid my own way because in a disagreement, they'd throw it in my face about what they paid for. In my marriage, my (ex) husband made at minimum, 2.5 times what I made, yet he thought all the bills should be divided equally. He was very much about his money versus my money, and was resentful of paying more because he earned more. He even thought I should get a second job to supplement my income.
In my relationship now, I've reverted back to always paying for half, as a habit, not that my SO would ever throw it in my face about what he paid for versus what I paid for. But as we're talking about buying a house together next year, I am well-armed with all my past experiences and want to be very up-front about money, money management, etc. My SO only makes about $10-$15,000 more than I do annually, so at least we're on an even playing field income-wise. Enough bad experiences have helped shape what I am willing and not willing to accept when it comes to finances.
There is a lot of that stuff right here in dating threads, "If I pay for dinner, she pays later" type stuff, and these guys wonder why they can't keep a woman, "woman are picky and greedy" ...
Yah I get that. But I don't get their thinking. Why even bother with picky greedy women to "date" when it is cheaper and pretty straight forward to just pay a prostitute? What's the thinking?
After the first 3 dates, it shouldn't be an issue of someone having to formally ask them to go out. Usually it's just going out somewhere together with mutual interest and oftentimes it's the woman who has the idea of where to go, but that doesn't neccesarily mean she wants to pay.
I don't really believe in the whoever asks rule, because it shouldn't be a matter of asking someone out after the first 3....and the guy always pays for the first 3, regardless of who asks.
if I ask I'll pay, if I get asked to go out I expect them to pay, but sometimes that doesn't always work out.
No, whoever asked offers to pay for it all. Whoever was asked offers to pay for his/her half. Then, depending of circumstances, it's worked out.
Expecting them to pay isn't right. You're in it for the experience, not for the possible benefits that may come with it.
You're in it for the experience, not for the possible benefits that may come with it.
I think that is why so many younger guys have such a problem, they don't seem to understand "dates" are interviews for a relationship, sometimes one will tell you you are not a match, sometimes it takes many months.
"Whoever asks pays." Isn't always the man who does the asking? I guess it figures if you have the sort of man who doesn't ask a girl out, I wouldn't expect he would pay, either.
"Whoever asks pays." Isn't always the man who does the asking?
No, it isn't. I think each should pay his/her own way while they're just testing the waters, just getting acquainted, no matter who asks. If they decide they want to see more of each other and things are clicking, they can work it out between the two of them. They could continue to pay their own way, or either one of them could decide to treat the other, and it could become a reciprocal thing at that point, or the woman could reciprocate by cooking at home if she doesn't have a big bucks job. I think it's up to the individuals involved. Everyone's different, every couple's different, their economic circumstances are different, upbringing and expectations, preferences, etc. I don't think there should be any hard and fast rule. But as for the first few dates, if money's involved at all, each should pay their own way, but then again, it depends on the kind of date. If a guy is trying to impress a high-end woman, he'd probably want to pay for a nice dinner. So one rule can't cover all circumstances.
I think the problem enters into it when there's online dating, so the guy is inviting women every week, or multiple women/week, or whatever. With online dating, I think it makes sense for each to pay his/her way, and that's usually recommended for women, to avoid any concern about expectations on the part of the so-called gentleman.
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