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I have seen plenty of people with addictions, and I don't think that makes them selfish people.
Addiction is an inherently selfish disease, period. "Whatever it takes" is the team motto. I'm not talking about compulsion or a "heavy drinker" or "heavy gambler", I'm talking addiction. Doesn't matter the substance or vice - talk to any addict, they will tell you when in the throes of their addiction they are thinking of themselves and what it takes to accomplish their goal. Period.
I had a gambling addict on my hands. I have relatives who have been drug/alcohol addicts. All have been in recovery - all will tell you they had no problem with lying or doing whatever it took to fulfill the mission. These are not bad people, they simply got caught up in something bigger than they were before they knew it.
All that being said, I think you just stumbled on a lousy friend. Drinking or not, I suspect your personal property is of no consequence to him.
Addicts are selfish people. Selfish people are not necessarily addicts.
Have you had FRIENDS (not SOs) with addiction issues that were more trouble than they were worth?
Yes, all of them. I don't befriend addicts anymore and I certainly would never give them any responsibilities. They have a hard enough time managing their own life.
The mail isn't about an addiction..He just didn't care... Sometimes you have to let certain "friends" go.
I don't this this is about addiction, either. OP asked a guy to go out of his way to pick up his mail, and the dude didn't want to do it. Doesn't sound like they were great friends to begin with. Everyone should have friends who'd pick you up at the airport, or help you move or keep an eye on things when you're out of town; this guy was not one of those friends.
Last edited by fleetiebelle; 05-06-2012 at 08:44 AM..
I think it is amusing that you actually expected someone who is "incisive and caustic" when sober and "belligerant and an idiot" when drinking to do a good job on mail retrieval. It's got nothing to do with addiction. Choose friends more wisely Grasshopper.
I "let go" of the friendship immediately after that. Just stopped contact. He was definitely reliable if it involved driving 20 miles to meet for a "happy hour," or even for a day-trip.
I think the problem is somewhat easy to figure out. Since no one ever did anything for him, he won't do anything for anybody else. Since my parents always did stuff for other people and I do stuff for my friends (like buy them dinner if they help me move or hand them $100), I sort of expect that one could deliver on (a) pick me up at SEA-TAC, (b) help me cart home something I bought at Home Depot 2 miles away because you have a hatchback, every once in a blue moon. Picking up people at the airport gives me an excuse to go to the airport, so I'm always up for that.
I can only think it's a family/upbringing issue. The other thing is that someone told me it interrupts time on weekends he has "set aside" to get drunk. Like I said, the two friendships I've had with alcoholics faded.
I think the problem is somewhat easy to figure out. Since no one ever did anything for him, he won't do anything for anybody else. Since my parents always did stuff for other people and I do stuff for my friends (like buy them dinner if they help me move or hand them $100), I sort of expect that one could deliver on (a) pick me up at SEA-TAC, (b) help me cart home something I bought at Home Depot 2 miles away because you have a hatchback, every once in a blue moon. Picking up people at the airport gives me an excuse to go to the airport, so I'm always up for that.
I can only think it's a family/upbringing issue. The other thing is that someone told me it interrupts time on weekends he has "set aside" to get drunk. Like I said, the two friendships I've had with alcoholics faded.
FBd to say hi around Christmas. His profile is extremely locked. It had been years, and I had just gotten my account around Christmas-time. No response. I wanted to see if he'd "changed," maybe even go get something to eat. I've done my part. Just thought some people might have had similar experiences with friends like this on CD.
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