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If you have to prod and manipulate the situation (i.e. offer up an ultimatum) to get what you want, consider that you're probably with somebody who isn't really interested in going along with what you want. No guy who is amenable to a long-term commitment really needs a hard sell on initiating it. If you have to whip out the hard sell, think about just WHY that may be...if you've gotta draw a line in the sand and force somebody's hand to get what you want, odds are pretty good that the two of you aren't on the same page.
I was hoping some of the CD women can explain that. Why do women care so much about getting married?
I already told you that I have no desire to marry again. Seriously I don't - I'm very independent and the thought of living with a man 24/7 is just...well, I think I'd lose my mind having to answer to someone for every move I made, at this point in my life. I like being able to pick up and go, with no worries. Even a relationship puts a crimp on that, and I have to constantly weigh this in my mind...I'm the worst of the worst when it comes to doing what I want. Perhaps I am just too selfish now.
In any event, all that said, I am a great believer in marriage. Too me, it is VERY different from living together, in a "committed" relationship.
To me, it says that both parties love each other so much, that they are willing to put it into a legal agreement, and make it all that more difficult to get out of. That they know that there will be fights and disagreements and misunderstandings and frustrations....and that they want to do all of those things with YOU, and still be there in the morning. It's a huge declaration of committed love. And it's a wonderful thing, between the right people, that have given it the proper consideration. Does it always work? No, but when it does, it's just golden. I personally believe this is a very difficult thing to do when you are past a certain age, but even some more mature folks have managed it.
Living together is fine. Saying you are committed is fine. But that kind of a relationship is so very very easy to end, with little to no repercussions. (And when it does, neither party has any financial protection from the other - and that is a whole other issue.) And for THAT reason, and many others, marriage, is quite a different animal. As a younger woman, I much preferred it.
I already told you that I have no desire to marry again. Seriously I don't - I'm very independent and the thought of living with a man 24/7 is just...well, I think I'd lose my mind having to answer to someone for every move I made, at this point in my life. I like being able to pick up and go, with no worries. Even a relationship puts a crimp on that, and I have to constantly weigh this in my mind...I'm the worst of the worst when it comes to doing what I want. Perhaps I am just too selfish now.
In any event, all that said, I am a great believer in marriage. Too me, it is VERY different from living together, in a "committed" relationship.
To me, it says that both parties love each other so much, that they are willing to put it into a legal agreement, and make it all that more difficult to get out of. That they know that there will be fights and disagreements and misunderstandings and frustrations....and that they want to do all of those things with YOU, and still be there in the morning. It's a huge declaration of committed love. And it's a wonderful thing, between the right people, that have given it the proper consideration. Does it always work? No, but when it does, it's just golden. I personally believe this is a very difficult thing to do when you are past a certain age, but even some more mature folks have managed it.
Living together is fine. Saying you are committed is fine. But that kind of a relationship is so very very easy to end, with little to no repercussions. (And when it does, neither party has any financial protection from the other - and that is a whole other issue.) And for THAT reason, and many others, marriage, is quite a different animal. As a younger woman, I much preferred it.
He stated he's looking for women in their early-mid (maybe late) 20's who have never been married.
Its easy for people to understand why a divorced women doesn't want to get married again ( I dont think he cares about that demographic).
Last edited by findly185; 05-18-2012 at 07:06 AM..
Also, it should be noted that being fine with not being married isn't always something that goes hand in hand with a distaste for marriage. Not everyone who is happily cohabiting is actively opposed to marriage on principle. Not everyone who is ambivalent toward marriage is the product of a divorce.
I'm sure I'm not the only woman on earth who is pro-marriage, but also fine cohabiting without it. The fact that I'm happy living with my longtime partner, have never been married, and am not wistfully counting down the days until I get married does not mean that I'm anti-marriage. Marriage is fine, too. But I'm not going to pretend that I feel my life or relationship is lacking without it, or that I'm being cheated out of the experience of a strong, caring, committed relationship without it.
There are women who plan on getting married, and those who have absolutely no intention not to get married. The reason for it is extremely simple and easy to see. Security, protection and partnership in raising their offspring. When women mate, this is exactly what they seek for in their mate, consciously or otherwise. If the mans behavior doesnt display qualities of a provider and a protector, the woman will not engage with this type of male. No more, no less.
There are women who plan on getting married, and those who have absolutely no intention not to get married. The reason for it is extremely simple and easy to see. Security, protection and partnership in raising their offspring. When women mate, this is exactly what they seek for in their mate, consciously or otherwise. If the mans behavior doesnt display qualities of a provider and a protector, the woman will not engage with this type of male. No more, no less.
Hmmm where do all the single mothers come from then who are having children out of wedlock? I'm assuming the ones that bolt dont display those qualities, yet, women are having their children anyways.
i agree 'sh*t or get off the pot' as they say. also they will keep getting all the freebies they can out of the woman for as long as she is willing to allow it.
Exactly, if your ok with us just " shacking up" I'll be ok.
Steve Harvey basically lays it out in this vid from 5 minute mark to the 3 minute mark
There are women who plan on getting married, and those who have absolutely no intention not to get married.
And those in between, again, who would happily get married if the opportunity presented itself, but are not unhappy in their unmarried relationships, either, or "planning" on getting married. Not everyone is polarized one way or another.
If you have to prod and manipulate the situation (i.e. offer up an ultimatum) to get what you want, consider that you're probably with somebody who isn't really interested in going along with what you want. No guy who is amenable to a long-term commitment really needs a hard sell on initiating it. If you have to whip out the hard sell, think about just WHY that may be...if you've gotta draw a line in the sand and force somebody's hand to get what you want, odds are pretty good that the two of you aren't on the same page.
That is why it is important for you to find this out early on, cut your losses and move on. If I want marriage and he doesn't, why should I hang around for months or years (taking myself off the market) continuing to give him what he wants, in hopes that "he has a change of heart". and want to marry me? That's just dumb, whether you're 22, 32, or 42. Women who want marriage and family don't have time to be toyed with.
He stated he's looking for women in their early-mid (maybe late) 20's who have never been married.
Its easy for people to understand why a divorced women doesn't want to get married again ( I dont think he cares about that demographic).
This.
Girls who WANT to get married, that's who I'm looking for
If your Divorced or You NEVER wanted to get married this isn't for you.
But if you want to get married,
How long are you willing to stay without your ring?
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