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Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
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Wow! You make her sound like a tyrant. Assuming it's as bad as you describe....benefit of the doubt.....
Pregnant or not, that's bs. She's not your friggin owner ffs. You're a couple. A team. You're not her town and she's not the sheriff come to lay down the law. She knew who you were before the pregnancy, before you became a serious couple. Now in mid stream she wants you to suddenly change? I don't think so. You can still be a good dad and partner without losing yourself and your passions. If she wants to suck the life out of your relationship and you, let her get her way. You'll resent her and yourself for it. But how to get this across to her without making her head spin and spit pea soup at you is the tough part. But you need to communicate now--before the baby is born--whether it be counseling or some good books on relationships because she's way out of line. I'm a mother too but this is marital suicide to do this to your partner. Get help fast.
Need some opinions , wife is 6months pregnant and we are excited about the baby but is was unexpected and not really in our plans ? We have been married 6 yrs together 10 . Im a biker meaning my recreation of choice is riding my harley, we have always rode , partied, went to local biker gatherings and poker runs . No clubs or anything but ur getting the pic. Now she has changed , she gets mad if i ride anywhere except work , she doesnt want me riding with my buddies ( all married) i was informed im not allowed at biker events without her (she's made it clear she is done with them too) cant be in a bar even if its only for a poker run event , and has mentioned i should just sell my bike !!! I have rode a harley since i was 17 ? Whats going on ??? Im very helpfull and our home, and anything she needs , even spending time with her always comes 1st bike is 2nd so dont get wrong imperssion this is a couple saturdays a month kinda thing !!! What's everyones take on this ??
So what you're saying is that riding a motorcycle is more important to you than the welfare of your family. Do I have that right? You may say that the bike comes second, but the title of this thread says something different.
Hey. Nobody likes giving things up to start a family. But the truth is, that's just life. It's not a death sentence. It's more like a transition from one thing to the next.
Here's what you do. You tell your wife that you understand her worries. At the same time, you don't want to give up riding completely. Work out a compromise, for crying out loud. Does nobody on this board know the meaning of the word?
I wrote an effin' brilliant post in reply and the site went on down time as I posted it.
EFFIN EFF!
Op, here is what I bet is going on with her. Sorry it's not as good as my first post.
1. She is hormonal and nesting.
2. She is worried. She has to rely on YOU to help her with this kid. So she's subsequently worried about your personal safety and your level of commitment and maturity.
3. She is now very aware that your lives and priorities are going to have to change immensely. She's worried that you think it's going to be all 'business as usual,' and won't have her back.
Sam i am - thx hope ur right ! And im good with temporary , and have been there for her this whole time but some of these things that at least for now appear to be permeant changes on her part that seem so drastic have got me worried !!
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 20,007,791 times
Reputation: 9418
Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223
So what you're saying is that riding a motorcycle is more important to you than the welfare of your family. Do I have that right? You may say that the bike comes second, but the title of this thread says something different.
Hey. Nobody likes giving things up to start a family. But the truth is, that's just life. It's not a death sentence. It's more like a transition from one thing to the next.
Here's what you do. You tell your wife that you understand her worries. At the same time, you don't want to give up riding completely. Work out a compromise, for crying out loud. Does nobody on this board know the meaning of the word?
What? Where did he say that?
When someone suddenly wants you to give up your passions and informs you you're no longer 'allowed' to do something you used to do and suggests you sell something that's probably a greatest passion for you, of course you're not going to lay down and take it like a kicked dog. Not if you've got any self respect and you want to continue to be a loving couple.
Quote:
she gets mad if i ride anywhere except work , she doesnt want me riding with my buddies ( all married) i was informed im not allowed at biker events without her (she's made it clear she is done with them too) cant be in a bar even if its only for a poker run event , and has mentioned i should just sell my bike !!!
Does nobody on this board know the meaning of the word compromise? No, cpg. Only you do.
That's why I suggested they get help and communicate. He doesn't have to give up anything. He can learn to readjust his play time with family life. But no one should be told in a marriage they're not allowed or they have to change something like a mutual passion they used to do together just because one of them doesn't want the same thing anymore. You decide before marriage, Is this something I can live with or am I going to try to change them down the road if children come into the picture. If you fail as a team to do that before marriage, you figure it out together but you don't just bark out orders and lay down the law. That's friggin ridiculous to not expect him to be upset with this. Yes, things are going to change a lot from now on. But it doesn't have to be like this.
35223- you dont have that right ! The bike and my wants are 2nd to my wife and family but its not a saftey issue shes good with me riding to work 48miles each way at night to save gas but not on sat afternoon ? Remember we are excited about the baby but was totally unplanned ! Its like she feels all her fun, hobbies, social life ect... Are over so that means mine has to be also ?? I've tried talking to her and said " these things will deff be less frequent but not gone forever " but shes not hearing me ? She acts like the next 20yrs are all serious buisness and 24/7 all child all the time with no breaks, extra money, or continued dreams and goals that we had before a child came in our lives ? Im not selfish really but i was raised in a great home where i became part of my parents lives and spent a few weekends at grandmas when they went out , their lives didnt turn upside down cause of kids it just adjusted for us ?
? are all serious buisness and 24/7 all child all the time with no breaks, extra money, or continued dreams and goals that we had before a child came in our lives ??
Yep. That sounds like my life right now. But he's a baby. That's what we're supposed to do. Take care of HIM.
When he can take care of himself (wipe his own ass, etc), then I will go back to what I want to do.
My parents did end up divorced , this taught me that 2 happy homes are better than one unhappy , my mother told me my entire life be "you" for you not what someone else demands you be ! Bottom line here is i will set my hobbies aside for family but not give them up ! Im the guy ( older, more level headed ) probably than i was 10 yrs ago and she seems to be completely changing ? Im not changing who i am thats not the issue ! The issue is am i wrong for already making this decision and do you all think these changes will mellow or be temporary or are they prob here to stay ??
I am sorry , but there always should be balance in ones life and you shouldn't have to give up on your passions and dreams to have a child.
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