Baby on the way and worried wife and i arent going to make it !! (man, family)
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She is 29 and im 31 and due to some meds we didnt realize would comprise birth control well.... Unplanned lol. But im freaking cause shes freaking me out with this talk and fear the worst that shes serious and that she will become onr of those homely wives that expect you to drop everything and be jumping for joy when its ur turn to drive car pool? Or just becomes content with her life and roll as a mother and forgets about our relationship totally , and then doesnt understand why the husband doesnt act happy anymore or maybe is so caught up in her new purpose as a mom that she doesnt even notice ! These are things i've watched happen to friends and co-workers over the yrs and the guys all say it started with her changing so drasticly !! Its just not what i want for us but cant talk to her and no matter how much i am there or do to help out it already never enough to her .
Dude, chill out. You are going to make those things happen by projecting all your fears onto her while she's too hormonal to appropriately deal with it. You are creating the results you fear the most.
You can only control you. You can't control her. Be the most supportive, loving husband you can be, and let the chips fall.
BTW, I'm not homely. I lost all the weight after both pregnancies. Sure, I got a bit marked up, but all his friends remark about how good I look. We don't all turn into homely housewives wearing moomoos. Get a grip. You're running in the wrong crowds.
She is 29 and im 31 and due to some meds we didnt realize would comprise birth control well.... Unplanned lol. But im freaking cause shes freaking me out with this talk and fear the worst that shes serious and that she will become onr of those homely wives that expect you to drop everything and be jumping for joy when its ur turn to drive car pool? Or just becomes content with her life and roll as a mother and forgets about our relationship totally , and then doesnt understand why the husband doesnt act happy anymore or maybe is so caught up in her new purpose as a mom that she doesnt even notice ! These are things i've watched happen to friends and co-workers over the yrs and the guys all say it started with her changing so drasticly !! Its just not what i want for us but cant talk to her and no matter how much i am there or do to help out it already never enough to her .
Yeah, show her this post right here. If she has any sense, she'll pack her bags now and leave. You sound like an idiot right now. You've been together 10 years, married 6, and you can't talk to your wife and discuss your feelings any better than this??
Dude, chill out. You are going to make those things happen by projecting all your fears onto her while she's too hormonal to appropriately deal with it. You are creating the results you fear the most.
No its been little comments here and there for awhile but really hit home when weather got nice outside ! And its not the changes coming that worry me its not the setting aside my personal wants and only getting a day each month for them kinda thing its that what she had always been so passionate about along side me she now is just sternly trying to push out and if for her own reasons she doesnt want to ride anymore then i could adjust to that but to try and make me give all that i enjoy up automatically because of a mind set she has isnt going to work and if my worst fears are right then i imagine this is only the begginning of her telling me what i can and cant do ? I hope its all just multiplied due to hormones but cant help but fear what i dont understand ??
she is already in mother mode. her life is about to change in ways you can't even imagine and she wants to make sure you realize your life will change as well. She is worried for your safety, fidelity, priorities. All these things are natural and in keeping with nature's way of protecting the young.
this is a huge commitment and you need to see how much is expected of you. After awhile she might become more relaxed but right now she is extremely hormonal, and afraid for herself and her child.
Be kind and affection and understanding. And realize you now have a family and some changes are necessary especially while she is feeling so vulnerable.
Perfect example - i mentioned a local HD dealer was hosting a bike night at a bar , live band, burn out contest , just clean fun . I said i'd like to ride there with some buddies but i'd be home early since she didnt want to go ? She has been to tons of these things before and this time says so is it a booby event ? I laughed and said whats that ? She said i know where everyone gets trashed and all the girls take thier shirts off!!! Really ... Its a bar with an outdoor area for the events in the middle of town and i'd be home before dark ! I didnt even have a response ,her comment was ridiculous but thats how she answers me ??
Plese try and be a little patient and look at her side. She is not rational right now, I'll give you that one, but she does have a pretty valid excuse. You both are going to need to meet each other in the middle for this to work out long-term.
I had a boyfriend I dated for 3 years. He was really into cars. So was I. I met him at a car meet. About 1 1/2 into our relationship his engine blew, so he decided that this was the perfect time to start the rebuild (900 hp) he always wanted to do. A year and a half and 30k later the car still wasn't finished and he was dumping every paycheck he took home into finishing it. I ended up paying for every date we went on for the last 8 or so months and although he was supposed to be saving money with me to buy a home he didnt. He chose the car over everything else.
I gave him an ultimatum and he wanted to finish the car. So I moved onto someone else. From what I hear the car still isn't running and hes 26 single and still living at home.
Live an learn I guess. Sometimes life makes us re-evaluate our priorities and sometimes people cant let go of old things in order to experiences new ones. It's unfortunate and sad.
No i have gave in and not said a word of this to her except that the bike will not be for sale rest i've kept to myself until dumping it on you all !! Lol. But i will say sum of my fears come from the way her parents are ? Her mom says what her dad can and cant do constently reminds him hes worthless and he hates his life its plain as day in everything he does ! If he wants something they never have the money but she gets whatever she wants ! She takes all credit for raising the kids and he was basically a punching bag and a paycheck !! I fear this is mommy coming out in my wife !! So since i didnt want to get things stirred up with her i thought some outside opinion would be helpful ?
No its been little comments here and there for awhile but really hit home when weather got nice outside ! And its not the changes coming that worry me its not the setting aside my personal wants and only getting a day each month for them kinda thing its that what she had always been so passionate about along side me she now is just sternly trying to push out and if for her own reasons she doesnt want to ride anymore then i could adjust to that but to try and make me give all that i enjoy up automatically because of a mind set she has isnt going to work and if my worst fears are right then i imagine this is only the begginning of her telling me what i can and cant do ? I hope its all just multiplied due to hormones but cant help but fear what i dont understand ??
Wow. Just wow. You need to take a pill. NOW. Have you always been like this? I'm surprised that she is still with you.
As for the pary being over , umm just because you have a child your suposed to sell out , buy a mini van , and never go have a good time again ! Come on ... 1/2 the people at these events are good parents , the kids are at grandmas for the night and alittle of that has to be good for everyone involved ?? I keep a beautiful home, a good job w/ tons of OT and the family and household always come 1st but that bike , the life style and friends are who she fell in love with whats the prob now ?? Most of the poker runs regardless of where they start (bars) are raising money for local families and other charity !! So i dont think ur post of party is over is realistic , sorry ...
Sorry, priorities change when you become a parent. So, yes, the party is over. You may be able to go to an event here and there but you will no longer be part of that crowd due to frequent absences at events. You will, soon, become an outsider. I think she realizes that and has decided on the cold turkey approach. Amputations are far more painful when done an inch at a time.
She, obviously, is not seeing your old lifestyle fitting with a baby. Not knowing much about that lifestyle, I can't say why she thinks this but it's obvious she does. I'll have to defer to her judgement here. You don't seem to care that you're about to become a father. You're too worried the baby will cut into your play time. Unfortunately, it's too late for her to pick another father for her baby. My guess is she's regretting that decision now. She, obviously, wants a lifestyle that is more baby friendly. You want the party to continue. And yet another child will grow up in a broken home...
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