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Life kept me really busy since my divorce. That's another story, and not the focus of my post here.
I was busy going to school, earning a living, supporting my kids. I didn't have much time for any social life, especially when I worked nights and weekends. Or when I had to move 3 times in 10 years to stay employed.
In the decade I have been divorced, I have had very few dates. I find it very hard to meet men, so, online dating seemed like a good idea. Bad idea. Lots of gameplayers and marrieds on them. I found that now that I am over 50, no one contacts me. I get told I look young for my age. I don't have man hair. I haven't lost my, ahem, drive.
But no one contacts me because they can't get past the age. I looked at a lot of the profiles of men +/- 10 years of my age. Okay, not to be critical, but I will be critical, because this is the same criteria they use...they look old. And they are rejecting me. Do they really think they are going to get someone who would be their daughter's age to date them? Maybe if they have tons of money, but that is a whole other game, the golddigger.
When I try to contact someone, I get rejected, bounced, because I am not the right age for their parameters.
It pains me to think I might go to my grave not ever really knowing and loving a man, or being loved back. I always thought it was something that would happen in life. I wonder if anyone falls in love anymore, or is it simply lust.
All of this screening, long, scripted profiles...seems to somehow take away from the sheer enjoyment of trying to meet someone.
Someone sees one little thing, and bingo, they move on. Like a kid in a candy store, the ribbon candy comes in about 50 flavors and colors. He just can't make up his mind. And he just can't chose one, because something better just might come along.
I wonder if others feel like I do. I hear that the divorce rate is 50%, but I don't see 50% of the adults from 21 to 99 as singles. Everyone seems to be married. Men say they don't want to be "tied down", "lose their freedom", etc., but how come so many are married? Just to have kids?
There is nothing wrong with me. I don't have a third eye. I am intelligent and a decent person. I am traditional, but I get the feeling that gets interpreted to mean dull or boring, and I don't think I am. I am not trying to brag, this is just my own assessment of me.
Where are the decent people? Please don't say "church" because churches are families, and nothing is colder than being around a lot families when you are single.
Don't give up. One of my friends who is 56 celebrated her first anniversary this week. She married a man who is 60. They met on a dating site. He had been divorced for several years chasing women 10-15 years younger. He finally realized that the younger women did not really want to settle down with him. Lesson learned.
Another friend who is 58 is dating a man who is 60 and their relationship seems to be great. They actually met five years ago while she was car shopping.
A cousin who is 58 married on October 1. She had been divorced for 12 years. He had been divorced for 20 years. They met through a function that she attended at his house with her sister and her sister's friends.
There is a possibility for you to meet someone. Go out with friends, volunteer for activities of interest. Do things that you like to do. The possibilities are endless.
IF you think I am being defeatist, you are mistaken. I tried a lot, and spent a lot of time and money. I will no longer pay for any dating sites or groups.
Since I have had to move several times this decade to stay employed, I find myself in another big city where I know no one. Like my post said, when working nights and weekends, it is very hard to meet people.
I am not shy, introverted, or withdrawn. I will talk to almost anyone. I am friendly, but I find most people just aren't looking to make new friends.
And the other poster, so men actually look at "settling down" at 60? OMG. So when younger women won't date them anymore, they will look at someone about their age? How is that a good thing?
IF you think I am being defeatist, you are mistaken. I tried a lot, and spent a lot of time and money. I will no longer pay for any dating sites or groups.
Since I have had to move several times this decade to stay employed, I find myself in another big city where I know no one. Like my post said, when working nights and weekends, it is very hard to meet people.
I am not shy, introverted, or withdrawn. I will talk to almost anyone. I am friendly, but I find most people just aren't looking to make new friends.
And the other poster, so men actually look at "settling down" at 60? OMG. So when younger women won't date them anymore, they will look at someone about their age? How is that a good thing?
Can't be over at 50, if it's not over for me at 45.
I'm a huge fan of online dating, but if it makes you feel bad then don't do it. There are lots of people out there looking for "something" different, you can't let that bother you. You just need the one. And I would think you should give the "one" as many ways to find you as possible.
IF you think I am being defeatist, you are mistaken. I tried a lot, and spent a lot of time and money. I will no longer pay for any dating sites or groups.
Since I have had to move several times this decade to stay employed, I find myself in another big city where I know no one. Like my post said, when working nights and weekends, it is very hard to meet people.
I am not shy, introverted, or withdrawn. I will talk to almost anyone. I am friendly, but I find most people just aren't looking to make new friends.
And the other poster, so men actually look at "settling down" at 60? OMG. So when younger women won't date them anymore, they will look at someone about their age? How is that a good thing?
I am not saying that marrying at 60 is good or not good, or that the men settled for women closer to their age after dating younger women or when younger women didn't want them. I was only giving the dynamics of the relationships. After reading your response, maybe you're right. I never looked at it that way. They all seem to be happy.
IF you think I am being defeatist, you are mistaken. I tried a lot, and spent a lot of time and money. I will no longer pay for any dating sites or groups.
Since I have had to move several times this decade to stay employed, I find myself in another big city where I know no one. Like my post said, when working nights and weekends, it is very hard to meet people.
I am not shy, introverted, or withdrawn. I will talk to almost anyone. I am friendly, but I find most people just aren't looking to make new friends.
And the other poster, so men actually look at "settling down" at 60? OMG. So when younger women won't date them anymore, they will look at someone about their age? How is that a good thing?
I can only imagine how hard it must be to be where you are, and I didn't mean to sound unsympathetic.
But if you give in to the disappointment and frustration you will only be hurting yourself in the long run.
A positive attitude in all things will serve you best and put the kind of vibes out that will attract others to you.
Being discouraged and down repels folks around you, so you really want to be careful what kind of attitude you live with.
In addition, I would suggest you stop focusing on not having a mate and how that makes you feel and instead find other things to spend your energy on.
In other words, bloom where you are planted!
Get involved in groups you admire and can contribute to - Habitat for Humanity, Big Brothers/Big Sisters, tutoring adult GED students at your local library, that kind of thing.
When you get outside of yourself and your own head you'll actually become a more interesting person to those around you, which could result in your finding some new friends and people to date.
Best of luck to you - I know it's hard, but the alternative is harder!
I can only imagine how hard it must be to be where you are, and I didn't mean to sound unsympathetic.
But if you give in to the disappointment and frustration you will only be hurting yourself in the long run.
A positive attitude in all things will serve you best and put the kind of vibes out that will attract others to you.
Being discouraged and down repels folks around you, so you really want to be careful what kind of attitude you live with.
In addition, I would suggest you stop focusing on not having a mate and how that makes you feel and instead find other things to spend your energy on.
In other words, bloom where you are planted!
Get involved in groups you admire and can contribute to - Habitat for Humanity, Big Brothers/Big Sisters, tutoring adult GED students at your local library, that kind of thing.
When you get outside of yourself and your own head you'll actually become a more interesting person to those around you, which could result in your finding some new friends and people to date.
Best of luck to you - I know it's hard, but the alternative is harder!
Here's my take about online dating. It's a good thing for people under 40 (generally speaking). The problem with online dating is that you have to disclose your age (or else lie, which causes all kinds of other problems). And then people filter based on age as a criteria. Or they judge what they think someone at 50 is like.
Now contrast that with just being out in the world. No one knows your age. If you are fortunate to look younger than your earth years, you can appeal to a wider range of men. You're not walking around with a number stamped on your forehead announcing your age.
I'm now just over 50 and people I meet think I'm in my (late) 30's because I'm petite and have a young face and no wrinkles. I like that. But in the online dating world I get nary a glance. I realized this about 3 years ago and gave up the online venue altogether. It was fun for little while in my 30's, but became a real drag once I hit 40.
I don't want my age to define me. It's not all of me and I don't want to be judged on that. Bad enough we are judged on so many other things.
Therefore my recommendation is to ditch online dating altogether (unless you go on a site for people 50+) and spend time instead doing things you enjoy and meeting other people who also enjoy those things too.
Can't be over at 50, if it's not over for me at 45.
I'm a huge fan of online dating, but if it makes you feel bad then don't do it. There are lots of people out there looking for "something" different, you can't let that bother you. You just need the one. And I would think you should give the "one" as many ways to find you as possible.
I am 57.
Makes me feel bad? Why would I waste my time with people who waste mine? I rarely get anyone contacting me. When they do, they are married or alcoholics or want someone to talk to online only. I guess they aren't really "dating sites". Oh, and the ones looking for casual sex.
You're preaching to the choir. I don't know if you are serious or trying to frustrate me, but I did say I try to meet people. I wouldn't be talking about this if I didn't. But I think seriously, the men aren't really trying to meet the women. By the way, I once went to some "singles groups" and they had married people in them.
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