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Old 09-21-2007, 04:18 PM
 
Location: Weehawken, NJ
2,179 posts, read 4,435,469 times
Reputation: 1078
Default Do I tell his wife to get lost?

Tonight all my boy's were going to take me out for an early 30th birthday party. Everything was all planned until I get the call from my best friend Chuck telling me that his brothers (whom we went to college with) wife played the "I'm sick and not feeling well" B.S. again.

Now this girl has been extremely controlling of Joey ever since he came home from Iraq, and when we are all together, she clams up and whispers stuff into Joey's ear saying she wants to go or doesn't feel well, thus making Joey cut the visit short and heading home. The thing that really annoys me is that all my friends are married with kids, but the wives encourage the guys to go out on some weekends and well...be guys. I was telling Chuck that I have had it with her stupidity and I am ready to confront her tomorrow when I see her (we can't go out but she had no problems with us going to their house for an afternoon BBQ as long as we bring all the food and cook it).

Now, tomorrow morning when I arrive to help Joey set up would it be way out of line to confront his wife? I know Joe is sick of her as well, but he would never say it. I am just honestly sick and tired of her ruining the plans all of the time.
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Old 09-21-2007, 04:31 PM
Status: "Count your Blessings" (set 26 days ago)
 
Location: Capitan, NM
7,064 posts, read 11,295,817 times
Reputation: 3322
I think you should stay out of it. It's really none of your business about his wife or what he chooses to do. He's a grown man (maybe) and can make his own decisions.
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Old 09-21-2007, 04:31 PM
 
1,999 posts, read 5,173,581 times
Reputation: 2722
Quote:
Originally Posted by HobokenGuy View Post
Tonight all my boy's were going to take me out for an early 30th birthday party. Everything was all planned until I get the call from my best friend Chuck telling me that his brothers (whom we went to college with) wife played the "I'm sick and not feeling well" B.S. again.

Now this girl has been extremely controlling of Joey ever since he came home from Iraq, and when we are all together, she clams up and whispers stuff into Joey's ear saying she wants to go or doesn't feel well, thus making Joey cut the visit short and heading home. The thing that really annoys me is that all my friends are married with kids, but the wives encourage the guys to go out on some weekends and well...be guys. I was telling Chuck that I have had it with her stupidity and I am ready to confront her tomorrow when I see her (we can't go out but she had no problems with us going to their house for an afternoon BBQ as long as we bring all the food and cook it).

Now, tomorrow morning when I arrive to help Joey set up would it be way out of line to confront his wife? I know Joe is sick of her as well, but he would never say it. I am just honestly sick and tired of her ruining the plans all of the time.
Whoa, I wouldn't touch that one with a ten foot pole. You don't know what's really going on here between husband and wife. I understand your point, but the reality is he is married, not single anymore. If he's not expressing his wishes to his wife, it is not your place to step in, no matter what he's saying to you. He may actually want to be with his wife but doesn't want to tell you that. Did all your buddies go to Iraq? Probably not. Maybe they missed a lot of time together while he was there and they are making it up now.

It always seems to be the wife's fault when the boys can't come out to play. Often times it's the single friends who have the most problem with this. I hope you will rethink your position toward his wife. I'm sure he would appreciate it.
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Old 09-21-2007, 04:36 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, TN
8,002 posts, read 12,692,029 times
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Yikes, No, I wouldn't say anything to the wife, it could cost you your friendship. So, why can't she stay home while he goes out with you guys?

I don't understand women like this (if this is the whole story). I can see if he was going out every single weekend, but what's wrong with every now and then or couple times a month.
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Old 09-21-2007, 04:37 PM
 
282 posts, read 936,865 times
Reputation: 136
Your friend is your friend not your sleeping buddy. Stay out of this affair.
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Old 09-21-2007, 04:38 PM
 
Location: Weehawken, NJ
2,179 posts, read 4,435,469 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Beth56 View Post
Whoa, I wouldn't touch that one with a ten foot pole. You don't know what's really going on here between husband and wife. I understand your point, but the reality is he is married, not single anymore. If he's not expressing his wishes to his wife, it is not your place to step in, no matter what he's saying to you. He may actually want to be with his wife but doesn't want to tell you that. Did all your buddies go to Iraq? Probably not. Maybe they missed a lot of time together while he was there and they are making it up now.

It always seems to be the wife's fault when the boys can't come out to play. Often times it's the single friends who have the most problem with this. I hope you will rethink your position toward his wife. I'm sure he would appreciate it.
I hear ya, I will stay out of it, but actually my married friends are the ones that are the most irritated with him. I think the problem is that he always says he will go and then backs out at the last minute (like for tonight we all took half days off at work to get ready).

Everyone tried to get along with her and even the wives can't stand her. I dunno, I guess I wish we could just have a solid weekend of fun.
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Old 09-21-2007, 04:42 PM
 
Location: Weehawken, NJ
2,179 posts, read 4,435,469 times
Reputation: 1078
Quote:
Originally Posted by mjb68 View Post
Yikes, No, I wouldn't say anything to the wife, it could cost you your friendship. So, why can't she stay home while he goes out with you guys?

I don't understand women like this (if this is the whole story). I can see if he was going out every single weekend, but what's wrong with every now and then or couple times a month.
Well the rare instances she does let him off the leash, she calls and texts him non-stop. My best friends wife was telling me that one night during a girls weekend Kim admitted to her that she hates to let him out of her sight, and that she wished he didn't have close friends to make it easier.

Oh, and we go out one weekend every 4-6 months, so it's not like we are going out every weekend and partying till the sun comes up.
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Old 09-21-2007, 04:45 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
4,739 posts, read 5,267,587 times
Reputation: 2912
I would never suggest you have a direct confrontation with her, its like when we come on here to vent, if I say my wife blah blah blah, thats ok but if you say it its not ok. If I was to do anything i'd maybe go out of my way to make her feel more at home when shes visiting with your group.
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Old 09-21-2007, 04:46 PM
 
Location: In the sunshine on a ship with a plank
3,413 posts, read 5,641,282 times
Reputation: 2155
Let him decide whether he wants to continue dealing with her immature attitude. At some point he'll get fed up.
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Old 09-21-2007, 04:47 PM
 
1,999 posts, read 5,173,581 times
Reputation: 2722
Quote:
Originally Posted by HobokenGuy View Post
I hear ya, I will stay out of it, but actually my married friends are the ones that are the most irritated with him. I think the problem is that he always says he will go and then backs out at the last minute (like for tonight we all took half days off at work to get ready).

Everyone tried to get along with her and even the wives can't stand her. I dunno, I guess I wish we could just have a solid weekend of fun.
I get you totally. And I agree that the boys should have their get togethers. Perhaps his wife is insecure about that or has jealousy problems, etc. But no matter what the reason, stay out of it. You don't want to lose your friend. I would probably ask him why the change tho. Just very matter of factly like, "so Rick, how come the plans changed?" No matter what his answer, be polite and just let him know you would really like to get together some time. Is there a better time? If he consistently does this, maybe you should stop inviting him. Then maybe he'll ask you why. Then you can tell him because he never participates so you quit asking.
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