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Thats nothing. But if you are trying to change him, improve his lifestyle and living habits, and general mother him (clean the dishes, pick up your clothes, don't eat that) that can be a relationship killer for a guy who still enjoys being a bachelor, i.e., living on his own terms. I'm sure living together is driving him up a wall. I did it before and you almost have to have compatible "no big deal" personalities.
I dont try to change his living habits or mother him. I used to be messy until he taught me how to be clean. I learned the benefits of being clean. Ive adapted and I am satisfied. No problems since.
I have no problem with his passions like poker or motorcycles or even habbits like video games. IMO passions are a key to happiness. We actually met while playing poker; he introduced me to bike week and now I look forward to it every year, and I'm at the point that I can hold my own playing Halo against the nerds.
He has a small business and I do put my two cents at times about the way he operates. His finances affect me directly since we our share income. Money is important to me; therefore I offer my input because I want his business to suceed and produce $s
I dont try to change his living habits or mother him. I used to be messy until he taught me how to be clean. I learned the benefits of being clean. Ive adapted and I am satisfied. No problems since.
I have no problem with his passions like poker or motorcycles or even habbits like video games. IMO passions are a key to happiness. We actually met while playing poker; he introduced me to bike week and now I look forward to it every year, and I'm at the point that I can hold my own playing Halo against the nerds. He has a small business and I do put my two cents at times about the way he operates. His finances affect me directly since we our share income. Money is important to me; therefore I offer my input because I want his business to suceed and produce $s
There you have it: don't tell your bf how to earn a living, do his job, or make more money. Save it for the marriage.
For many guys, their work is more connected to their sense of manlihood than they realize. And most guys don't discover that until they end unemployed, cant make ends meet, and strains their relationship with women.
Personally? I am all for a “guys” night out within reason. I feel if a guy wants to hang with the boys for poker night? Great, but at least come home ( 3 am) comes to mind, there is no reason to stay out all night, this is just disrespectful. I myself do not know any men that would be okay with their g/f’s let alone live in ltr g/f’s staying out all night with the girls no matter what the event is.
I agree. He is a winning poker player (not every time he plays, but overall he makes more than he loses); so, he thinks that he is making a huge sacrifice by coming home early. Say he comes home at 2am on a Monday, I’m not going to be thrilled about it but I’ll deal. I don’t care if he plays and I want him to win, but I don’t want my guy to be in a habit of coming home at 7am.
Regarding the friends? Sure, come over, watch the game, knock back a few beers, chop it up but after 3 hours? Unless it is a bbq, a bday party, a special event? 3 hours 2 times a week is plenty. I love company but I need my space and do not feel like I need to wear pants around the house or a bra lol..I value my space and time..period. I would be just as considerate of my b/f by not having my girls over all day long watching lifetime movies or chick flicks..lol.
This part drives me nuts. I also like to entertain guest within reason. I wanted to fight fire with fire because he’d go nuts if my girls were over all the time watching chickflicks, but then his single friends would never leave.
I am wondering why after 2 years this is all coming to a head? Have these things been occurring and maybe this last year it has been bothering you more? Or is it new behavior and attitude?
Brand spanking new. He has talked about how he was going to get serious at 30. I’d thought “why wait?” But then again I don’t know exactly what ‘serious’ means because he won’t elaborate.
All of a sudden he is acting like this and saying things like this? He is 29 and you are 25? 29 is usually a time to know where you want to go.
Good so I still have time left.
You feel that maybe he is staying because you are more attractive than he is? I am sorry but this is irrelevant. Just like he got you? He can get someone else, never underestimate a person, ever, this is a huge mistake.
Anyone that plays lotto can win the lotto, but not many do. I’m not saying it’s impossible, but it isn’t likely. From my experience, I feel the majority of girls that are around my age with similar levels of attractiveness date well-off or equally attractive men. When you consider the fact that we have so many things in common and, in general, we wants the same things in life, it’s not too easy to come accoss.
My honest opinion? I would not run towards the Landlord just yet, talk first, I mean a good solid talk and then make up your mind.
I am wondering why after 2 years this is all coming to a head? Have these things been occurring and maybe this last year it has been bothering you more? Or is it new behavior and attitude?
Brand spanking new. He has talked about how he was going to get serious at 30. I’d thought “why wait?” But then again I don’t know exactly what ‘serious’ means because he won’t elaborate.
All of a sudden he is acting like this and saying things like this? He is 29 and you are 25? 29 is usually a time to know where you want to go.
Good so I still have time left.
You feel that maybe he is staying because you are more attractive than he is? I am sorry but this is irrelevant. Just like he got you? He can get someone else, never underestimate a person, ever, this is a huge mistake.
Anyone that plays lotto can win the lotto, but not many do. I’m not saying it’s impossible, but it isn’t likely. From my experience, I feel the majority of girls that are around my age with similar levels of attractiveness date well-off or equally attractive men. When you consider the fact that we have so many things in common and, in general, we wants the same things in life, it’s not too easy to come accoss.
My honest opinion? I would not run towards the Landlord just yet, talk first, I mean a good solid talk and then make up your mind.
Thanks
I think you misunderstood what she said: He's 29. At that age, he should know what he wants. It sounds like he does.
I'd say you have plenty of time...to move on to another guy. Even if he does decide get serious at 30, it may not be with you.
20yrsinBranson might've been more blunt than you'd like, but she had a point: Don't waste your time with someone who doesn't value you enough.
He is a winning poker player (not every time he plays, but overall he makes more than he loses); so, he thinks that he is making a huge sacrifice by coming home early. Say he comes home at 2am on a Monday, I’m not going to be thrilled about it but I’ll deal. I don’t care if he plays and I want him to win, but I don’t want my guy to be in a habit of coming home at 7am.
So his small business is gambling. While I'm sure he is successful enough to potentially support you guys long-term, hopefully he has other career interests so that this maybe in fact a phase his is going through. Because as long as he is spending that much time and prioritizing it over you and his relationship with you, its a lifestyle choice you may need to accept and adjust to until he gets it out of his system, if you want to keep him. Things could also improve if you got your own apartment so that he could live his zaniness in his own place and you guys could be together when its convenient to rebuild your relationship.
Otherwise, it sounds like you guys have two different priorities in your life right now. You are essentially asking him to be more committed and responsible (at an age he is expected to be) to you and your relationship when he has prioritized it into something less important.
Sometimes guys his age do rebel or go into a period of introspection (may include self-destructive behavior) when they find themselves crossing into more adult stages in life (turning 30, marriage/family, lack of career/financial stability for his age, etc). And sometimes just being there with him during this time maybe all you need to do until he figures out you are the best thing that's ever happened to him. But you also risk being let go because he has decided being single involves less pressure/complications in his life right now. There may still be hope later after he grows a little and makes some changes to his life. Whether you are still around, interested in, and available for him is another question.
Good Luck.
Last edited by cjawalt; 06-02-2012 at 11:29 AM..
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