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You know in your heart there is no future with this guy. Move on honey.
Listen to lovesmountains. They are giving you the best advice. You can tell wisdom when you hear it. Forget the weed. This guy is using weed to mask a much more serious problem. No one needs to be high all the time. You already know he has an addictive personallity, but what else don't you know? You need to go now, before you get more attached or worse, think you can save him - you can't.
If you'd never marry him in his present condition, then you are just wasting your time, because his present condition will be his future condition, if he doesn't get professional help to deal with whatever pain, physical or emotional, that he is self medicating for.
Hi im new here and would like to ask a question. I don't really know how to work this site so I'm not sure if the question has already been answered. I would like to know how one can learn to accept a great guy who is awesome in every way except he does weed occasionally and I hate the stuff. I've tried it for him but unlike him I am not a relaxed nice person on it. He says he will quit later on in life but how do I develop patience for that when right now it bugs me knowing he does it? It's like an unresolved issue and I've spoken to him many times about it so now I'm just needing help in being patient. I don't want to tell him to quit because I want him to do what he wants and not seem controlling. I've let him know that it will be a dealbreaker in future if our relationship ever becomes marriage/kids type of seriousness. Any suggestions on how to be patient with my boyfriend?
Here is a piece of advice I wish someone would have given me: the man you marry will be the exact same man you dated. People do not change because their partner wants them to do so, they change for themselves. Most likely he will always smoke, because he likes it. He may change his mind some day, but it would have nothing to do with you. It would be a change for himself.
Smoking would not be a deal breaker for me, but it is for you, and you should respect yourself and what you need in a relationship. It is completely legit to not want to be with a regular pot smoker. Consider that he will probably never stop, and decide if that is ok for you. If not, I think you are better off breaking up with him. If you don't, the two of you will eventually fight over this again and will ultimately break up anyway.
Someone who smokes anything would be a dealbreaker for me for a serious relationship, no matter how wonderful they are in other ways. I'd have a talk with that person and ask them if our relationship is sufficiently important to give up their habit permanently and completely. Perhaps call me if they do eventually give it up, but don't count on me being available.
I'm right there with ya Tao. This is exactly what I would say. Nothing further needed.
Quote:
Originally Posted by OngletNYC
Here is a piece of advice I wish someone would have given me: the man you marry will be the exact same man you dated.
“Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.” - Albert Einstein
Stop asking for help in trying to be "patient." That's BS. Patience is like when your SO leaves their clothes on the floor. You're being manipulated by his words and accusing yourself of being inflexible when it's your own right to hold a potential partner to your own standards. A deal breaker is a deal breaker. That's that.
Stop asking for help in trying to be "patient." That's BS. Patience is like when your SO leaves their clothes on the floor. You're being manipulated by his words and accusing yourself of being inflexible when it's your own right to hold a potential partner to your own standards. A deal breaker is a deal breaker. That's that.
How is he manipulating her? He said he wants to smoke, likes it, and will continue to do until he changes his mind someday in the future. That isn't manipulating her, it is telling her the truth. She can either accept it or break things off with him. This is what dating is all about.
How is he manipulating her? He said he wants to smoke, likes it, and will continue to do until he changes his mind someday in the future. That isn't manipulating her, it is telling her the truth. She can either accept it or break things off with him. This is what dating is all about.
I was going to write a disclaimer about how I didn't mean to imply that he was directly manipulating her. Here's what I said:
Quote:
You're being manipulated by his words and accusing yourself of being inflexible when it's your own right to hold a potential partner to your own standards.
I don't think he said that with the intention of manipulating her, but his promise holds enough weight that it's making her think twice about waiting it out. To me, that's not the best way to cope with a deal breaker. She should evaluate him as-is, not as he loosely promises to be.
I was going to write a disclaimer about how I didn't mean to imply that he was directly manipulating her. Here's what I said:
I don't think he said that with the intention of manipulating her, but his promise holds enough weight that it's making her think twice about waiting it out. To me, that's not the best way to cope with a deal breaker. She should evaluate him as-is, not as he loosely promises to be.
I agree, but it's just not fair to pin manipulation on this guy in any way shape or form. I don't even see where he made a promise to her - he said he will quit someday and that is probably true. Most people phase out of this sort of thing but it doesn't mean she has to wait for that day. She has all of the facts in front of her and the ball is in her court. If she decides to stick it out with this guy, it is her decision. He isn't the bad guy here. Time for us to stop making every man the devil around here. The OP needs to take on some responsibility here.
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