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FMLA doesn't pay you. It protects you from losing your job while you are out on medical leave. Paid maternity leave is up to your employer and some don't offer it. Some employers require you use your personal, vacation and sick time as your "pay" if you don't qualify for paid short-term disability. Depending on the size of the company, some are exempt from offering any kind of benefits at all.
True to all of the above -- one thing that may perhaps be different where I work (as I work in the public sector) is that as far as I am aware, my employer offers employees the option to use paid sick days and leave time, together in conjunction with FMLA. Hence, a potential mother-to-be could take FMLA and still be compensated for her time away from the office. I understand though (and you are 100% correct) that that option may not be possible with all employers.
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Now, onto your question...yes I was referring to a woman who has left the workplace indefinitely to raise the child. Not all couples want/need to put their children in a daycare setting. This is something that should be discussed before having a baby (and I would even say before getting married...know what the expectations are).
We decided the best option for our family would be for me to stay home. NEVER have I had to ask him for money, report my spending to him or justify a purchase. It's demeaning. There is no "his portion of funds" and "her portion of funds". Everything is joint and equal, even whatever debt we have..what's mine is his and what's his is mine.
Yes, I see what you mean -- a SAHM is very different situation than a family where both parents are working, certainly. If I were to marry a SAHM, I guess the easiest way for me to ensure that she was fairly and adequately provided-for, without having to seek "permission for funds" from me and while still also maintaining separate accounts, would maybe be for me to have an automatic transfer of funds with each new paycheck I receive from my employer, from my account to hers. (Of course, to avoid my separate direct deposit account from being considered "co-mingled" with hers, I might have to do something like have another, different account that a fixed monthly amount is deposited to independently of my primary account, which is then transferred to her account. **Please note, that the "separate accounts" philosophy goes both ways here -- meaning that, for all intents and purposes, since I am also not "joint" on the account that the money is transferred to for her use, that money is considered wholly and solely as hers, once it is transferred, if I am understanding banking operations correctly. So she is also fully-protected on her end, in essence.)
Prenups are not only used to protect existing assets, they protect future assets while married. it can protect both people.
Not sure if i can get married without one..its not romantic but neither is someone's ones smirk in court when they exercise to ability to take something from you.i mean look at the image below..how would you feel if you were next to this person in divorce court?
This is the reason i dont understand how people say 2-3 yrs is a long time to be in a relationship. I dont feel relationships really start until about the 4th-5th yr. for me personally, i dont think you can ever trust another human being not to turn their back on you one day. We're naturally selfish and willing to capitalize on all opportunity when there is resentment. people also act on impulse when bitter and/or angry.
My experience for the record:
Ive never been married nor engaged. But ive actually been around two women who have. my sister and an ex. its horrible. very ugly. no one is a winner in this. men or women. its a nightmare. the guys had this same smirk in their face. i wish i couldve smacked them. so horrible. and im a guy. divorce is just nasty
Moderator cut: do not post pictures that are not yours
Ali, even when two people try to be honorable, and part with the same proportion of assets that they initially brought to the table, once they each have their own divorce lawyer they are often persuaded to do otherwise.
A prenup is honorable and is testimony that each party will do the right thing.
See and I feel that any assets earned while married should be split 50/50. They can have what was theirs before the marriage, but after that we become a team. If they can't see our union in that way then they really aren't the person for me.
As to your second point, if I didn't know them well enough and considered that they could turn on me one day, they wouldn't be a person I'd want to marry.
Yeah, and the fifty percent of people who have gone through divorces ending up wanting to pulverize each other said the same thing once. It takes a bit of hubris to think you are so different than they.
Last edited by goldengrain; 08-22-2012 at 11:27 AM..
Thats my whole point though you see..
As much as you think you know a person after 2-3 yrs, YOU DONT. I knew a girl who spend 3 yrs of her life living with a man she thought she knew. next thing you know, dude has 5 passports. he bounced and she still doesnt know his name.
You simply dont know anybody within the first 5 yrs. you know things of them. but you dont know them.
I dont think any human can really be figured out completly to be able to answer that trust question.
which is depressing to think about because as a guy, i wish i wouldve gotten married by now. but its too risky. divorce can put you in a bad economic situation.
Ultimately, the decision to marry someone is made with some degree of faith, or trust, that they are being honest with you.
You can make an educated decision in this regard, by not getting dragged along by emotion. Evaluate their motives. Their actions (not their words). See how they are with their family, their friends. See how their family and friends treat them, trust them, etc.
Your right, even with this it can all be a ruse. Or things can change suddenly too. Still, there is some ways in which to minimize the risk.
Which is sort of like financial risk in other avenues. Financially, you "invest" in the partnership in a marriage. If you invested in a fund that went south, you would be upset. However, you would have made the investment feeling it was worth the known risk. Same with marriage, there is always some risk when dealing with an individual, but after doing all your due dilligence, sometimes you may take the risk to try and receive a greater reward.
Yes, and some people invest such that they may lose dividends or interest, but maintain the principle. Others throw caution to the winds and risk the principle, too.
Last edited by goldengrain; 08-22-2012 at 11:28 AM..
But here's the point...I wouldn't want to take the chance with my heart either. Marriage is optional. Nobody has to get married. I just wouldn't get married if I didn't feel I could trust this person 100%. If they are asking me to sign a prenup, it's because they can't trust me. Maybe it's them projecting that? Who knows. I just wouldn't get married.
Honestly, it didn't sound like your wife really knew this person. She never met any of his family? How could she not know his mother wasn't dead? How could she not know anything about his past marriages? They never got together with his family or friends??
And assets can only attract lying users if you advertise your assets before you really know who you are getting involved with.
You may trust a person 100% today, but people change. People who swear they never will have affairs, plot horrible things, take advantage of those who trust them. Have you never heard of cases of divorce where one spouse, after years of marriage and even having children, just discover that they are gay and ask for divorce? Where have you been living?
People change. You're right, you don't have to get married. Signing the prenup tells the other person that you really do love them, that your intentions are honorable, that you are sincere. If you don't sign, how could they ever trust you?
I, personally, would never enter into a marriage with someone who wanted a prenup. Marriage is about cooperation, collaberation. I guess it is easy for me to say since we had nothing when we got married. But I don't look at marriage as 50/50. It's more like 100/100. And measuring who gets what and who does what is a sure fire recipe for marital failure.
You have the horse before the cart. It is the high divorce rate that is forcing people into thinking logically about marriage, hence, prenups.
I guess I would not get married if that was going to bother me. I think it is unreasonable to go into a venture with the expectation of failure. If that is what one thinks of marriage, one ought not get married.
Marriage, itself, IS a legal contract. People seem unaware of this until divorce time comes.
There is no other contract that I can think of in which people are expected to not put forth terms and conditions, and this is essentially what a prenup is to me.
After all, the original purpose of marriage was to protect assets by having a clear line of inheritance. Years back poor people didn't marry, they just lived together. It was the wealthy who married to prevent any bastard children of dubious bloodlines from inheriting.
Last edited by goldengrain; 08-22-2012 at 11:29 AM..
You may trust a person 100% today, but people change. People who swear they never will have affairs, plot horrible things, take advantage of those who trust them. Have you never heard of cases of divorce where one spouse, after years of marriage and even having children, just discover that they are gay and ask for divorce? Where have you been living?
But you make my point...if you don't truly know someone, you have no business getting married. People jump into marriage so quickly these days because they view it as something that is temporary. I just wouldn't do that.
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Originally Posted by goldengrain
People change. You're right, you don't have to get married. Signing the prenup tells the other person that you really do love them, that your intentions are honorable, that you are sincere. If you don't sign, how could they ever trust you?
See and I don't feel like I need someone to sign a prenup to prove their intentions are honorable or that they are sincere.
If they have to sign a piece of paper to gain my trust, there are bigger issues there. I shouldn't have to rely on a legal document to prove that they are trustworthy. If I really felt I couldn't trust them without that document, I wouldn't get married.
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