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Has anyone ever tried to make a relationship work for the sake of the children? I know they need their dad in their lives but in the end it is making me depressed. I been dealing with him since 2009 and things just keep getting worse and worse. He is one of those people who doesn't want someone but doesn't want anyone else to have me either. He feels he can do whatever while I am stuck with the kids all of the time. Then, I always have to put on this front in front of his family like we are happy when we are not. I am tired of dealing with this but I don't want to mess up the kids relationship that they do have with him - when he is around. I am young but I deserve to be happy as well. I don't think I can deal with this for 18 years. What have others in this situation done?
Has anyone ever tried to make a relationship work for the sake of the children? I know they need their dad in their lives but in the end it is making me depressed. I been dealing with him since 2009 and things just keep getting worse and worse. He is one of those people who doesn't want someone but doesn't want anyone else to have me either. He feels he can do whatever while I am stuck with the kids all of the time. Then, I always have to put on this front in front of his family like we are happy when we are not. I am tired of dealing with this but I don't want to mess up the kids relationship that they do have with him - when he is around. I am young but I deserve to be happy as well. I don't think I can deal with this for 18 years. What have others in this situation done?
My parents were divorced before I could even walk! I never knew them as a married couple, and yet it didn't effect my relationship with either one of them. You don't have to be miserable for the kids to have a good relationship with their father, but you do have to make some basic sacrifices like staying in the same city as him, working out schedules with him, etc. It's doable though. People do it every day.
My parents were divorced before I could even walk! I never knew them as a married couple, and yet it didn't effect my relationship with either one of them. You don't have to be miserable for the kids to have a good relationship with their father, but you do have to make some basic sacrifices like staying in the same city as him, working out schedules with him, etc. It's doable though. People do it every day.
With this guy it is not. He doesn't like the schedule thing. I have tried to leave so many times and he just thinks I want to be with other men not realizing that he is always treating me like ****. I just feel so trapped. I wrap myself up in work and school every single day and that just leads to depression. I am always made out to seem as though I am the bad person no matter what.
If you stay in an unhappy relationship all you are doing is modelling for your kids how to put up and shut up.
Not healthy, or a good way to raise children.
Your daughters will learn how to take chit, and your sons will learn how to give it.
I worry because I have boys. A lot of people say when boys don't have their fathers in their lives they go down the wrong paths. I don't want to be the cause of that yet at the same time you bring out good points. I don't want them to make women feel like their dad makes me feel either. I just want to do what is in their best interest. I know if we split he is going to want nothing to do with them at all.
I worry because I have boys. A lot of people say when boys don't have their fathers in their lives they go down the wrong paths. I don't want to be the cause of that yet at the same time you bring out good points. I don't want them to make women feel like their dad makes me feel either. I just want to do what is in their best interest. I know if we split he is going to want nothing to do with them at all.
If that's the case then they are probably better off without him then.
I worry because I have boys. A lot of people say when boys don't have their fathers in their lives they go down the wrong paths. I don't want to be the cause of that yet at the same time you bring out good points. I don't want them to make women feel like their dad makes me feel either. I just want to do what is in their best interest. I know if we split he is going to want nothing to do with them at all.
Good riddance to bad rubbish then. His loss.
Who's to say you won't meet a wonderful man who will be a great role model for them?
I'm telling you, the apple doesn't fall very far from the tree. If you have boys, you are bringing them up to expect their wives to be as passive as you.
If you bring them up alone, they will learn to respect women and motherhood that much more.
Kids need two parents, but ONLY if those parents are positive, supportive and loving.
This guy is none of those things, therefore no loss at all.
Who's to say you won't meet a wonderful man who will be a great role model for them?
I'm telling you, the apple doesn't fall very far from the tree. If you have boys, you are bringing them up to expect their wives to be as passive as you.
If you bring them up alone, they will learn to respect women and motherhood that much more.
Kids need two parents, but ONLY if those parents are positive, supportive and loving.
This guy is none of those things, therefore no loss at all.
This is all good advice from everyone. After I am out of this relationship though I do not plan on seeking another one. I would rather be single and unhappy than in a relationship and unhappy. With three kids the only people who are going to want me are those who have nothing going for themselves and just want to spend my money. That would be worst than what I am dealing with now.
The belief behind making it work for the kids is a bunch of crap. My parents separated when I was 5, divorced when I was 8 and I'm much better for it. I can't imagine having to live through the stress of their arguments and yelling because they didn't want to deprive me of a parent. Good parents will be in their child's life regardless of a marriage certificate. They will call. They will spend time with their children. They will always reassure their children that they love them.
It's hard walking about from a marriage with children, but honestly, not only are you better off if you're unhappy but your children are, too.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Msmommy22
I worry because I have boys. A lot of people say when boys don't have their fathers in their lives they go down the wrong paths. I don't want to be the cause of that yet at the same time you bring out good points. I don't want them to make women feel like their dad makes me feel either. I just want to do what is in their best interest. I know if we split he is going to want nothing to do with them at all.
Here: I have a 17 year old brother who was raised by our single mom, and our grandmother to an extent. He is very respectful towards women and he is very close to our grandmother. On the flip side, he is protective of our mother because he does not want any unworthy man to get close to her. It's cute to see.
As for your husband? F*ck him, seriously. If he doesn't want to see his children then he can go kick rocks. My brother and I had a father who liked to appear in our lives at *his* leisure and we're a little messed up because of it. Your boys will be much, much better off with a loving mother who is willing to risk a marriage to ensure that they have the best life possible. Should you choose to divorce, they'll be upset now, naturally, but after they mature and see their father for who his really is they will thank you when they get older.
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