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Do you think the guy is normal or he has lots of issues? Would you steer clear of him?
I've just added another bit that I forgot to add - would you consider him for a LTR?
It depends on his dating history. If he's 40 and has never even had a girlfriend, forget it. He's socially maladjusted. Likewise if he's never been in love.
But if he has lived with someone, or had a multi-year relationship, I'd date him, maybe even live with him if it got to that point.
I don't know that I'd be interested in marrying him, though. I'd just assume he's not the marrying kind, and if I wanted marriage, I'd find someone more suitable.
It depends on his dating history. If he's 40 and has never even had a girlfriend, forget it. He's socially maladjusted. Likewise if he's never been in love.
But if he has lived with someone, or had a multi-year relationship, I'd date him, maybe even live with him if it got to that point.
I don't know that I'd be interested in marrying him, though. I'd just assume he's not the marrying kind, and if I wanted marriage, I'd find someone more suitable.
I'm the opposite. If he lived with someone for years I'd wonder why he didn't marry them and figure he wasn't the marrying type. I would date a man who never even had a girlfriend because I wouldn't be compared to his exes.
It depends on his dating history. If he's 40 and has never even had a girlfriend, forget it. He's socially maladjusted. Likewise if he's never been in love.
But if he has lived with someone, or had a multi-year relationship, I'd date him, maybe even live with him if it got to that point.
I don't know that I'd be interested in marrying him, though. I'd just assume he's not the marrying kind, and if I wanted marriage, I'd find someone more suitable.
do you really think that someone who has never been in love must be maladjusted, or incapable of love?
i'd like to offer another perspective for your consideration, if you don't mind me being bold.
when anyone asks me if i've ever been in love, my answer is no. there have been several men i've thought i was in love with in the past, but each of those experiences, beautiful experiences i might add, even though one in particular was hellish and dysfunctional and unhealthy to the nth degree, each of those experiences in which i thought i was in love....taught me what love is not.
i left each of those relationships with an elevated understanding of love, and truly feel i am more capable of not only giving, but receiving love now, if i were to meet someone who feels his relationship experiences have taught him the same.
i have loved and continue to love, but no, i've never been in love, real love, and neither do i believe anyone has truly been in love, real love, with me. even though several have professed otherwise, and with much passion and sincerity. that's because i understand now that most people fall in love with the stuff they've projected onto their partner, not with who their partner really is....their true identity that has nothing to do with romantic love's ideals.
I'm the opposite. If he lived with someone for years I'd wonder why he didn't marry them and figure he wasn't the marrying type. I would date a man who never even had a girlfriend because I wouldn't be compared to his exes.
A man in his 40s who has never even had a girlfriend most likely won't make you one, either.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cinnabar
do you really think that someone who has never been in love must be maladjusted, or incapable of love?
i'd like to offer another perspective for your consideration, if you don't mind me being bold.
Nah, I don't mind. You feel how you feel. But yes, I really believe what I said. Unless one is a priest or nun, I find it odd to hit one's 40s without ever having loved someone.
I don't buy the "I have loved but never been in love" bit. It's a cop-out, often used by those who fear the honesty of their own feelings, want to lessen the blow when rejecting someone else, or want to string someone else along either to avoid being alone or to sound "nice" in an effort to get some booty on the way out.
Not always, I know men like that who did marry and I would suspect they would be more open to marriage than a man who was divorced.
Not necessarily. Divorced men remarry more often than not.
But that's neither here nor there. I can't imagine any 45-year-old man who hasn't so much as had a girlfriend being remotely equipped for life with a woman. If he hasn't been intimately involved with one by then, he's not a whole lot more experienced than a high schooler or college kid. He hasn't had the benefit of really learning what he likes and dislikes in terms of mental and emotional connection, or what works and what doesn't work in a relationship. I just wouldn't want to deal with that kind of social stunting. That's what youth is for.
And he'd probably freak out at seeing a box of tampons under the sink.
One of my favorite Uncles never married and he lived to be in his 80's, was very successful in his career, owned his home, vehicle, no debt, all funeral arrangements made and paid for in advance, will done, financially secure etc, he just never found the woman for him and he was quite content being a bachelor all his life. I have another Uncle who has had the same girlfriend for years they have never married and do not live in the same home, my Brother has never married so I personally don't think anything of it.
A man in his 40s who has never even had a girlfriend most likely won't make you one, either.
Nah, I don't mind. You feel how you feel. But yes, I really believe what I said. Unless one is a priest or nun, I find it odd to hit one's 40s without ever having loved someone.
I don't buy the "I have loved but never been in love" bit. It's a cop-out, often used by those who fear the honesty of their own feelings, want to lessen the blow when rejecting someone else, or want to string someone else along either to avoid being alone or to sound "nice" in an effort to get some booty on the way out.
lol well i tried. there are some things you just cannot understand until you have the experience yourself. we are all more alike than we are different in that way, we really only are capable of seeing our own consciousness, i suppose....myself included.
i feel like i should have known, it just doesn't surprise me anymore, when honesty and self disclosure appears to be self-deceit to a complete stranger, not just on message boards. anyway, it really only matters when you are in a relationship with someone who says they love you. well, maybe you will experience that some day, and know what i mean. not that i wish it upon anyone, it isn't a pleasant experience, but it did me a world of good, i was never so blind before i could see, thanks to it.
It depends on his dating history. If he's 40 and has never even had a girlfriend, forget it. He's socially maladjusted. Likewise if he's never been in love.
He could have dated extensively and exclusively. He could be sexually experienced. Not having fallen in love means he is prudent with his emotions and/or hasn't found someone to fall in love with. It doesn't mean he can't. Get real.
He could have dated extensively and exclusively. He could be sexually experienced. Not having fallen in love means he is prudent with his emotions and/or hasn't found someone to fall in love with. It doesn't mean he can't. Get real.
What kind of man dates exclusively for the long-term without being in love? That's not emotional prudence. That's emotional stinginess, laziness, complacency, or fear of being alone and therefore the mark of a user.
Once you get to be in your late 20s onward, if you're not in love in about 6 months' time, crap or get off the pot. So to put it in terms you seem to understand, get real.
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