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What does your gut say? Not your heart or head, but your gut. I say this because the heart has a way of talking the head out of good decisions, but the gut never lies.
Really, the question you need to let your gut answer for you is: Will you and your baby be better off with this man, or without him?
My gut tells me for the first two years of the baby's life, we are definitely better off with him. After that, depends.... If I push the button right, he can be great. If not, we will drift apart. For now, we really need to work on communication.
There's another thread going right now about a husband so maybe I'm confusing them, but isn't this the same guy that cannot contribute as a financial equal and spends his weekend time playing video games? That's pretty bad. And I don't think advising women to choose family over career is productive. That's exactly why millions of women find themselves in family situations where they are working f/t, taking care of the kids and home f/t, and the husband acts like a child who needs to be cared for as well. Women need to start leading their families safely and proactively.
I don't think he's necessarily the best catch but my point is that she married him and he's made it clear that he is not willing to budge. So, she has two options: leave him for a job in the Midwest or stay with him and look for a job closer to where they live. In her case she does have to choose between her family and her career (at least this job in question). Her husband has made that evident.
No one is saying that a woman can't lead her family
If he didn't give me 'permission' to look for a job outside of NC, I wouldn't have done it and even consider this offer. When he wanted to relocate to another country, it is an advantage to have his over to experience a new city. But when I need to relocate to 8 hrs away, it became a disadvantage. He has a logic flaw here. It is possible that he was just saying to relocate to another country but when reality hits, he does not really want to leave his son. That is fine. But I need to hear from his month. The official 'interrogation' starts later today. please let me know if anyone has good ideas about how to bring up each question or which I shouldn't bring up.
I feel for you. You have some difficult decisions to make. Bottom line here is that your husband is not supportive of you taking this new position, even though it's a golden opportunity (or so it seems). Because he is not cooperative, and has told you as much, I think you would be wasting your time trying to convince him otherwise. From what you have stated here if you take the job, you will be saying no to the relationship. Maybe it would help to look at the bigger picture. I'm not steering you one way or the other, only you wil know what is best. Good luck.
I don't think he's necessarily the best catch but my point is that she married him and he's made it clear that he is not willing to budge. So, she has two options: leave him for a job in the Midwest or stay with him and look for a job closer to where they live. In her case she does have to choose between her family and her career (at least this job in question). Her husband has made that evident.
No one is saying that a woman can't lead her family
I don't think women who kowtow to a man-child can lead their families. Or, at least I can't imagine how. Emotions need to be put aside and what's best for the family needs to be prioritized. This certainly doesn't mean she should divorce him. Rather, imo, she needs to lay down the law for him and give him hard decisions to make. Any man that has an addiction to video games is, in essence, a child. If it were me I would give him a few options with time lines. If he does A (quit his games, grows up, supports his family financially, emotionally, etc) within however many months he will have consequence B (she stays and they live in his home town). If he cannot manage A, then he will have to endure consequence C (move to where she can find a good job with health insurance, etc) and he will have to move when he's ready. Or consequence D lose it all for being a man-child. Putting up with the status quo shouldn't be an option imo.
I don't think women who kowtow to a man-child can lead their families. Or, at least I can't imagine how. Emotions need to be put aside and what's best for the family needs to be prioritized. This certainly doesn't mean she should divorce him. Rather, imo, she needs to lay down the law for him and give him hard decisions to make. Any man that has an addiction to video games is, in essence, a child. If it were me I would give him a few options with time lines. If he does A (quit his games, grows up, supports his family financially, emotionally, etc) within however many moths he will have consequence B (she stays and they live in his home town). If he cannot manage A, then he will have to endure consequence C (move to where she can find a good job with health insurance, etc) and he will have to move when he's ready. Or consequence D lose it all for being a man-child. Putting up with the status quo shouldn't be an option imo.
If he didn't give me 'permission' to look for a job outside of NC, I wouldn't have done it and even consider this offer.
So when the question was theoretical, he agreed to move if a job came up. When it was no longer theoretical, but real, he backed out? So basically, this whole dilemma wouldn't have happened without his misleading guarantees. This is no way to function as a couple or a family. I think he needs to be confronted on his duplicity. I'd be curious to see what he says when asked why he agreed to it initially, but then withdrew his support and dug in his heels.
I don't think women who kowtow to a man-child can lead their families.
You're right, they can't. However, marriage is a partnership with equal parts, both people will need to make compromises. Hopefully the couple is compatible enough to have the same values, otherwise the relationship will be 'rocky' for lack of a better word.
Based on what I see there, I don't think I will feel much difference from living in Charlotte. The weather will be harsh I think just don't know how bad it can be. Charlotte has very mild winters which I love and hate (I grow up from northern China). It will be easier on the baby.
Yeah I bet the winters in Indianapolis are much worse, I was just stating that in general Indianapolis has a lot of entertainment and just a lot to do for growing families. Plus it’s just a short drive to Chicago, and a big Asian community.
Based on what I see there, I don't think I will feel much difference from living in Charlotte. The weather will be harsh I think just don't know how bad it can be. Charlotte has very mild winters which I love and hate (I grow up from northern China). It will be easier on the baby.
Charlotte has very mild winters It will be easier on the baby.
This sounds like you're looking for a justification for avoiding the tough decision to leave a marriage that sooner or later will come apart. But you still have a few months to think about it, it sounds like. Where was it you said that you'd noticed there were problems in the marriage earlier, but you thought your hubby would come around? That was a mistake. Of course, hindsight is 20/20... Well, hopefully we've given you some food for thought, OP, and you can continue turning this over in your mind as you try to discuss and resolve issues with your hubby. Counseling is recommended in a situation like this, though I don't envision him changing.
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