Insecure Guys Who Lack Success With Women (dating, Asian, kids)
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That depends on your glass being half empty or half full, either way an individual choice to continue to be miserable without someone and whine about it or do something about not having someone and quit whining.
Um..maybe a bit of both? It's sort of a chicken and the egg sort of question. I think it varies by individual context.
I'm going to use myself as an example because I know myself (or I'd like to think I do.) Growing up as an only child with a natural introversion and depressive disorder, my insecurity was partly genetic and partly environment. I remember studying alot and not really having many friends, even though I was always well liked by most people, never had any enemies or anything like that, parents were doting but overprotective. Wasn't like Frank McCourt's miserable Irish childhood from Angela's Ashes or anything dramatic like that. So pretty pleasant but rather dull.
I only really started getting out there socially when I was 17/18, which is also when I first started dating. Until then I didn't realize just how far behind I actually was, at least relative to the Western kids. Thankfully I was ahead of some of my Asian peers but that wasn't saying much.
So to bring it around to the question, in my case it was the insecurity causing lack of success first. But over time as failure mounts it can have a negative effect on self-esteem, especially with depression, an illness that blows up the most silly and inconsequential thing and makes you feel like **** for nothing. So when most people get rejected they just let it roll of their backs (kind of like a duck. ohohohoho) but for me it can be (and was) unnecessarily emotionally damaging. Thankfully I'm better than I used to be, now I can sort of pretend it doesn't affect me and keep on trucking.
It's both, but lack of confidence is a killer. I'm lucky enough to be good looking, but I went through a huge dry spell because I was so put off by girls. After I started dating again I had girls hitting me up constantly. I'm pretty sure they have a radar on guys that are taken.
I believe that if you're insecure, you're insecure....and brief attention from a cute chick isnt going to suddenly make the insecurities go away.
The worst thing a man could do is to view sex as the end all and start viewing pretty girls as 'rock stars' and viewing themselves as 'mere mortals'. Men who are successful with women are the guys who view THEMSELVES as "rock stars" and women as 'mere mortals'.
Do you think that the insecurity causes the lack of success or does the lack of success cause the insecurity?
Insecurity causes the lack of success and is usually rooted in a person as they grow up. It applies to all aspects of life including relationships, education, social agility and employment. Insecurity also breeds more insecurity in these situations - it's as if you are defeated before you even get out of bed.
Stop worrying and thinking. Get out there and try. That's all there is to it.
Someone gets it.
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