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Saying someone doesn't have any...rapport...is essentially a diplomatic way of saying there was no romantic and/or sexual chemistry. It's nothing to do with common interests. I met a gamer girl a while back and went on two dates, and thought we were going well since we loved pretty much all the same things, gaming, sushi, politics, whathaveyou, and then she called it off via text saying, basically, that I wasn't attractive to her in that way.
HAHAHA! This proves that all the C-D guys insisting that women are interested in looks and money are WRONG, WRONG, WRONG!!
Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you: Exhibit A.
I rest my case.
Heaven forbid he is rejected for personality!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar
Anyway, I suppose you know what you're looking for, but are you sure you didn't write this guy off too fast? Sometimes people are nervous during the first meeting and not exactly themselves, so I try to go out with them at least one or two more times unless I'm absolutely sure that I'm not interested.
He didn't seem nervous. We chatted for like an hour. Just not a good personality fit for me. A bit too serious and something else I can't place right now. He is perfect for someone else! Attentive, remembers details all those really good traits. Maybe it has something to do with missing spontaneity.
I have met this type before, and each time I have tried. (I can think of at least 5 or 6 in my past) It ends up being pointless, I can never really connect with them, it feels more like killing time.
I will share another funny online story. Around a year ago, my sister and I (with some friends) had an epically memorable evening. There was a special fund-raiser. We made new friends in line. But the story of the friends should be saved for another thread. Back to online dating.
So I was visiting my sister for a dinner party. At some point we started talking about online dating and she wanted some feedback on her profile. When she logged on, she checked her new matches. She flipped through his pics. And to her surprise (and almost horror ) we found a pic of him and his friends, with us in the background! The caption said something like "me and my homies." We all looked liked we belonged in the pic. But it was a fluke, we happened to be walking down the stairs while he was posing. I guess he kept us in to look like he had more friends. Nonetheless she didn't reach out to this guy. But it was pretty funny, I guess we have some new friends! [The guy had those stupid photos of the type: me and my bong, me playing beer pong. And he was around 35.]
Saying someone doesn't have any...rapport...is essentially a diplomatic way of saying there was no romantic and/or sexual chemistry. It's nothing to do with common interests. I met a gamer girl a while back and went on two dates, and thought we were going well since we loved pretty much all the same things, gaming, sushi, politics, whathaveyou, and then she called it off via text saying, basically, that I wasn't attractive to her in that way.
I didn't particularly feel any romantic/sexual chemistry with him either, but I also don't necessarily expect to feel it when first meeting someone and usually don't, so I wouldn't have dismissed him for just that. We all have different needs/expectations though.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jade408
I have met this type before, and each time I have tried. (I can think of at least 5 or 6 in my past) It ends up being pointless, I can never really connect with them, it feels more like killing time.
Right, if you're really sure he's not for you, there's no point in dragging things out.
I didn't particularly feel any romantic/sexual chemistry with him either, but I also don't necessarily expect to feel it when first meeting someone and usually don't, so I wouldn't have dismissed him for just that. We all have different needs/expectations though.
Right, if you're really sure he's not for you, there's no point in dragging things out.
In an initial meet, I am looking for easy conversation and a desire to hang out more. Did we have fun? Then it is a go for another meeting! I'd be happy with a new friend even though I want something more!
I had an online first meetup the other day. We exchanged a few messages, this guy was good on paper. And amusing in texts. I suggested we meet up for coffee since his office was near mine.
A little about me. I talk fast (like an NYer) and am generally energetic and enthusiastic in person or and even on the phone -- even when talking about really boring stuff. People comment quite often about it, and wonder how I can spread some their way. But I am not a true type A personality.
Before meeting, he sent over a sarcastic text "Not sure if I should meet you, you've got lots of energy." I replied, I was low energy that day.....
We met for coffee for a little chat. I got the resume spiel about education, business ventures, upbringing and whole ton of other basic stuff.
This guy was a snoozefest, he just had little to no enthusiasm about anything. Family. Friends. Movies. His business ideas. Not even his video games (which he loves to play).
He also mentioned he needed to be coerced into socializing. (A deal breaker for me!)
He suggested going to a play for our next outing, since I mentioned I liked to go. I was super vague about accepting and he left the ball in my court.
He sent a couple of check-in texts, and I ended up replying, "my 60% is too much energy for you! I think my normal would be overwhelming for you." He sent a few more messages, and I pulled a fade.
In the end, he was way too low energy for me!
I need to find away to suss out people's energy level [I find it doesn't always come across on the phone either].
A LOT is lost in translation through text, email, IM etc.
I had a similar situation over the summer having met someone through Meetup (we messaged back and forth before meeting in person). She was a lot more charming through email and indirect communication than in person, though we did go out a few times before we stopped.
The phone won't necessarily work, either. You had it right this time; just go out and then you'll know (quick). The first date shouldn't cost you anything anyway, so there's not much to lose. A face-to-face beats the online-indirect BS anyway.
Saying someone doesn't have any...rapport...is essentially a diplomatic way of saying there was no romantic and/or sexual chemistry. It's nothing to do with common interests. I met a gamer girl a while back and went on two dates, and thought we were going well since we loved pretty much all the same things, gaming, sushi, politics, whathaveyou, and then she called it off via text saying, basically, that I wasn't attractive to her in that way.
What makes you say that? What makes them different from guys? I shouldn't have said gamer girls...rather...a girl who games. I agree that girls or guys who self identify as gamers to try to win brownie points with the new geek is cool movement are pretentious and annoying.
I think there are lots of men. And many of them older. I think I am in the grey area stage (34). So basically I meet a lot of under 30s and over 40s. Not as many in between. And it doesn't help my cause so much that I look pretty young.
There are 2 things I think are tricky. There are lots of "awkward engineers." This skews the ratio a bit, especially for the under 40 set. It is probably a little better after 40, as everyone has established what lifestyle they want, but I find the under 35 or 40s still want to play the field a bit while they can. And grown out of their awkwardness.
Based on your profile, you'd do just fine. Especially if you are outdoorsy and active. And of course open to dating interracially and I believe you are. Lots of attractive silver foxes. But they are a little too old for me and probably think I am way too young! Salsa clubs are a good place to meet the over 35 set. Diverse crowds etc...
I think you'll have fun! Lots of "older" singles are out and about. And enough, that people don't think you are a freak without a marriage and kids. But you might want to stay out of the further family oriented suburbs. For obvious reasons! [The further you go from SF and Oakland, the more middle america it gets. And most of the south bay and peninsula are pretty family oriented. More urban = more hip older singles.]
I see cute 45+ men all the time. They see me and think "Are you even old enough to get in the bar?" [Not kidding, this happens when I go to a place where the crowd is ~40+]
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) we found a pic of him and his friends, with us in the background! The caption said something like "me and my homies." We all looked liked we belonged in the pic. But it was a fluke, we happened to be walking down the stairs while he was posing. I guess he kept us in to look like he had more friends. Nonetheless she didn't reach out to this guy. But it was pretty funny, I guess we have some new friends! [The guy had those stupid photos of the type: me and my bong, me playing beer pong. And he was around 35.]
