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In many cultures, such as in those of many of the Southern Europeans, Asians, Middle Easterners, Africans, Latin Americans, and Pacific Islanders, extended families are the basic family unit.
Now hear this, now hear this to all men reading this who still live at home:
You should all hide from society because a high percentage of women says it's wrong
The thing that gets me is all the vitriol and hate spewed towards those of us who are living at home. There is a bit of anger there. What would be the female equivalent of a man living at home with his parents? A woman who doesn't take care of herself physically? I don't get mad at overweight women because I know that there are many reasons that people are overweight. I also know that weight can be lost just as the man in the OP has the potential to move out of his mother's house. Not everyone works on the same timeline. Not everyone can maintain a constant healthy weight.
But everyone now looks at where you are now and says "you're not worthy" and then move on to the next. You are either in or out. It feels like high school all over again.
I met a really nice guy. I don't think I have ever met a guy this honest and sweet. The problem is he is not very ambitious. He does not have a college degree, but I don;t mind that, as long as you have some sort of career, or goals. However, he is 30 and he is a bartender, which is perfectly fine! BUT he claims the reason he can't move out of his moms house is because bartending is not stable.
So I broke up with him in August due to, "being in different places in life." I am currently working on my masters, I am a broke grad student, but I am STILL living on my own and working while going to school. I just didn't see why he has been living at home for the last 3 years! Worst of all, he has not saved up ANY money. He has nothing in savings which scares me. When I broke up with him, he called me a week later and told me he enrolled in a local community college, I was proud of him and took him back. I thought he was working towards an associate in IT but I guess it's really a certificate. I just found this out because he told me he has only 2 classes left to complete his schooling. I don't really know how much one can make in IT without a bachelors or associates, so I am willing to wait to see if he does indeed move out and find a stable job. My concern is, am I wasting time waiting for him to grow up?
Yesterday my uncle told me he needed a new assistant manager. I suggested my bf since he has been bartending for 5 years, I thought he'd be perfect. My uncle was really interested in meeting with him and offered him $45,000 salary but my bf turned it down He said he didn't want to be in that line of work, so we are back at square one.
We ended up in a big arguement. I asked him, why not take the job just to save up some money so you can move out? He then tells me he is content living with his mother and will move when he is ready, right now he is not in a rush and doesn't mind living there. If he is content there is nothing much I can do. My questions for you all are:
1. would you stay or go?
2. Do you think he can do ok with a certificate in IT?
3. Am I being picky? Am i demanding to much?
I have never dated anyone like this and i don't know if I am wasting my time. I am 24 and not getting any younger and starting to think i should explore other options
At the end of the day, everybody has different goals and different aspirations in life. If he wants to live with his mom then that's what he wants to do and he's no less of a man then another man who decides to live on his own in a $5000 per month condo in NYC.
If you really loved him you would accept him for who he is, or at the very least, find out what he really wants to do in life and support and encourage what he really wants to do and leave him alone.
On the other side of the coin, you are entitled to have standards, and if he's not meeting your standards, just leave and find a man who does meet them. It's as simple as that...
The thing that gets me is all the vitriol and hate spewed towards those of us who are living at home. There is a bit of anger there. What would be the female equivalent of a man living at home with his parents? A woman who doesn't take care of herself physically? I don't get mad at overweight women because I know that there are many reasons that people are overweight. I also know that weight can be lost just as the man in the OP has the potential to move out of his mother's house. Not everyone works on the same timeline. Not everyone can maintain a constant healthy weight.
But everyone now looks at where you are now and says "you're not worthy" and then move on to the next. You are either in or out. It feels like high school all over again.
Worse I think.
I don't worry about it because I don't play the game by choice.
Take yourself out of the game and live your life on your own terms and you'll be and feel much better.
At the end of the day, everybody has different goals and different aspirations in life. If he wants to live with his mom then that's what he wants to do and he's no less of a man then another man who decides to live on his own in a $5000 per month condo in NYC.
If you really loved him you would accept him for who he is, or at the very least, find out what he really wants to do in life and support and encourage what he really wants to do and leave him alone.
On the other side of the coin, you are entitled to have standards, and if he's not meeting your standards, just leave and find a man who does meet them. It's as simple as that...
This is part of what's sorely missing on the most part these days!
The thing that gets me is all the vitriol and hate spewed towards those of us who are living at home. There is a bit of anger there. What would be the female equivalent of a man living at home with his parents? A woman who doesn't take care of herself physically? I don't get mad at overweight women because I know that there are many reasons that people are overweight. I also know that weight can be lost just as the man in the OP has the potential to move out of his mother's house. Not everyone works on the same timeline. Not everyone can maintain a constant healthy weight.
But everyone now looks at where you are now and says "you're not worthy" and then move on to the next. You are either in or out. It feels like high school all over again.
What vitriol? Right now it seems to be you guys who are living at home and who have a chip on your shoulders telling people that their preferences are wrong, and stomping your feet about mean ladies who don't think you're a catch because of your living situation. I've owned my own house since I was 29, and I am not of a culture where extended families are common, so unless a guy has a dang good reason for living with his parents after college it's going to be an issue for me. If the guy feels insecure about that, it's not my problem.
The thing that gets me is all the vitriol and hate spewed towards those of us who are living at home. There is a bit of anger there. What would be the female equivalent of a man living at home with his parents? A woman who doesn't take care of herself physically? I don't get mad at overweight women because I know that there are many reasons that people are overweight. I also know that weight can be lost just as the man in the OP has the potential to move out of his mother's house. Not everyone works on the same timeline. Not everyone can maintain a constant healthy weight.
What it all comes down to is that women are looking for man to take care of them, and the thing is women have a short window period to find and attract a man who has enough money/resources to provide for them when they're young and fertile so they get angry at men who don't seem to take them (or life) seriously.
In other words, women are like buses, and they come drive by every 20 minutes or so eagerly trying to get to their destination and here you are lollygagging in the sun at the bus stop deciding if you're going to get on the bus or not so they just get mad that you're wasting time so they pull off in frustration hoping they can pick up another guy at the next stop and not run out of time before that last egg drops at the end of the line.
Quote:
Originally Posted by VX5650
But everyone now looks at where you are now and says "you're not worthy" and then move on to the next. You are either in or out. It feels like high school all over again.
I spoke to a few elderly people and they told me back in the 1960's on back people got married when they were young and poor but worked TOGETHER to make a living and it worked out better that way because they formed a bond through all the difficulties apposed to today where young people accumulate everything on their own but then have a much harder time finding mate because they refuse to share, they're use to living alone, and they're quick to break up because everybody is independent and don't really need each other.
I mean it's real bad today... For example, none of the girlfriends I had wanted to help me in my business even though the profits I made would be expected to be spent on them so I do EVERYTHING myself. On the other hand, I met a 70 year old woman who told me her late husband had the same business I did over 40 years ago and she said she was her husbands secretary from day one where by she would take all the calls and organize his customers.
I was jealous and sad when she told me this, women today are not the same as generations long ago.
Last edited by calicali01; 12-12-2012 at 03:52 PM..
What it all comes down to is that women are looking for man to take care of them, and the thing is women have a short window period to find and attract a man who has enough money/resources to provide for them when they're young and fertile so they get angry at men who don't seem to take them (or life) seriously.
In other words, women are like buses, and they come drive by every 20 minutes or so eagerly trying to get to their detestation and here you are lollygagging in the sun at the bus stop deciding if you're going to get on the bus or not so they just get mad that you're wasting time so they pull off in frustration hoping they can pick up another guy at the next stop and not run out of time before that last egg drops at the end of the line.
I spoke to a few elderly people and they told me back in the 1960's on back people got married when they were young and poor but worked TOGETHER to make a living and it worked out better that way because they formed a bond through all the difficulties apposed to today where young people accumulate everything on their own but then have a much harder time finding mate because they refuse to share, they're use to living alone, and they're quick to break up because everybody is independent and don't really need each other.
I mean it's real bad today... For example, none of the girlfriends I had wanted to help me in my business even though the profits I made would be expected to be spent on them so I do EVERYTHING myself. On the other hand, I met a 70 year old woman who told me her late husband had the same business I did over 40 years ago and she said she was her husbands secretary from day one where by she would take all the calls and organize his customers.
I was jealous and sad when she told me this, women today are not the same as generations long ago.
What was once hypothetically made of iron is now made of plastic working its way to being made out of paper.
I connect MUCH better with people in their late 60's - up, their early days were more humane IMHO.
I lived at home until my mid 20's and it was my GF (now wife) at the time, who pushed me to move out with her.
Granted, I had my BA and had a full time job and I was just living with my folks to save money...which I did.
Unfortunately this guy seems legitimately lazy.
Getting into IT especially hardware or network (where I live) is tough. There are a lot of out of work, underemployed people, who have not only the certs, but experience as well.
He will be able to get a help desk job which may or may not lead into something else.
That guy isn't living with his mother because he loves her. He's living with her, because he can stay there virtually rent free, and even if she did charge him rent, she probably wouldn't evict him. It's not really all about money, it's about people taking responsibility. I don't care what people in other countries do. If you're a 30 year old in America living with Mom, you're a loser. I've had to move back with my mother once or twice, but I had an excuse in that I was laid off from my job and had no money. The minute I got a job and some money, I was out of there. There is something about being a man and having your OWN. you don't need an expensive mortage or car (I have neither), but definitely you should be taking care of yourself. Anyone living under their mother's roof is doing a terrible job at holding themselves down. I mean how are you even an adult, when you can't even take on any responsibility.
We are not in Mexico, or spain, or Brazil, or Italy. We are American. We don't lay up under moms house until wer 68 years old.
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He said he didn't want to be in that line of work, so we are back at square one.
