Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
If she has mentioned that she wants to lose weight and/or get in shape then elnina's suggestion was spot on.
IF, however, she has not made any mention of her weight then she probably likes herself the way she is, and if you can't do the same then you should walk.
I can't fathom how you would even bring that topic up without offending her. You would love for her to slim down, but perhaps she is comfortable in her own skin the way she is? And how would you even braoch the subject?
I wouldn't suggest you ever start a relationship with the intention of changing someone. It is not fair to her to place these expectations on her. Heck...if someone ever said "I love everything about you but your weight, but I can help you change that" I'd drop him like a hot potato.
Tread carefully!
This. It is hugely unfair to start a relationship with somebody with the idea that you might not be sold on who they are, but that you feel you can easily change who they are. If you like her and respect her as she is, great. If your mentality is, "IF she'd just lose xx pounds, things would be perfect," you really need to move on.
If you pursue her, you are sending the message that you are accepting her. If you really AREN'T accepting her, you shouldn't be pursuing her.
I met someone from a dating website recently - she has a very attractive face, is highly intelligent (pursuing PhD), has a great sense of humor, and has many of the check marks I value in a relationship.
The only "negative" is she's "bigger" than what I usually date.
I like to jog and exercise, and I generally eat pretty healthy. Diabetes runs in my family, and seeing amputations first hand in relatives due to poor circulation/working in the health field - I don't want that for me, or the person I'm in a relationship with.
At this point we're just dating, but if we have a relationship together - I really don't want to gain weight. I also don't want her to gain weight. I'd love for her to slim down, and would want to be there for her, since I like many other things about her.
So is it fair to begin a relationship under that circumstance?
For the "bigger" people here - how would you feel if someone began a relationship with you, with that as the intention?
She's a grown woman, right and she didn't request for you to play dietician in her life? In that case, you're not in any position to be trying to presto chango her into whatever you think she should be. If she's not already, move on and find someone that is. Simple as that.
This. It is hugely unfair to start a relationship with somebody with the idea that you might not be sold on who they are, but that you feel you can easily change who they are. If you like her and respect her as she is, great. If your mentality is, "IF she'd just lose xx pounds, things would be perfect," you really need to move on.
If you pursue her, you are sending the message that you are accepting her. If you really AREN'T accepting her, you shouldn't be pursuing her.
"Fat" is not who someone is. It's a curable medical condition. Fat is not good. People are good and worth loving.
she has a very attractive face, is highly intelligent ....The only "negative" is she's "bigger" than what I usually date.
I was in the exact same situation about this time last year and I dont think there's anything wrong with wanting to date someone that leads a healthy life style. Doubly so, given your family health history.
I was in the exact same situation about this time last year and I dont think there's anything wrong with wanting to date someone that leads a healthy life style. Doubly so, given your family health history.
I suspect the same thing. I don't know the OP, so I know saying that may seem unfair. But what makes me think so is that this woman's weight seems to trump every other thing the OP says he likes about her. If his main concern was for her health, I doubt that would be the case. I have never met anyone who decided not to pursue a relationship with someone just because they might, at some point in the future, develop health problems. It just doesn't pass the smell test.
"Fat" is not who someone is. It's a curable medical condition. Fat is not good. People are good and worth loving.
We don't have any idea whether the woman is fat or not, though. All we know is that she is bigger than women he typically dates. That doesn't mean anything, really.
So is it fair to begin a relationship under that circumstance?
No. Accept people as they are from the get-go, or don't go out with them at all. Her body is not yours to try to change or control, and neither is she.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
