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Ok, bad choice of words. By nice I meant good. I am no patsy...believe me. It is just the way people use people. I mean, if that is the objective then stop pretending like you care for each other. Just hookup, get it over with and move on.
Why are weakness and kindess so often synonomous? I know that answer to that. But, my point is it dosen't have to be that way if we simply choose to be different. We are letting years of evolution of animal instinct govern our actions. We can be better than that. And, when we are things are so much better.
When I say switch I don't mean so I can get some, because kindness blows. I mean, if the whole world is dark, maybe I am missing the point. Maybe I am being too unrealistic. Maybe kindess is just a tool and not a way of heart. I mean by being good, maybe I am just being a fool. And yes, I do expect kindness in return, that is how it works. That is the only way it really works.
I have tried experimenting with the dark side. I have pouned my chest, talked boldly, braiged and carried on. It worked like a charm! On both men and women...which just prooves my point. I was a total db and it worked, but it wasn't me so I stopped.
I'm not a wimp, I have competed in MMA for years and could take almost every db that has stole girls from me. I know why girls are attracted to bad boys. But it is wrong. Not because I am judgemental but because I simply see the damage it does. They almost always get hurt.
I know why we do these stupid things, but why don't we try harder to be better people?
I can give tons of examples. Girls that have dumped me because I was a 'nice' guy and leave with the bad boy. He then abuses her and she comes back to me crying and wanting now wanting me. I have had guys tell me my problem is I am too nice.
I am not a wimp or effemiant. It's just that I sincerely care about people and respect them. I don't use them as toys. But that it seems is the rule. Be selfish, get what you can and then when it creates drama, simply move on to the next.
Every time I do something genuinely nice, people get really uncomfortable. It has been my experience that people are really more comfortable treating and being treated like crap.
It seems because of this I am quite lonely and no one understands me. Girls show interest and then seem turned off when I treat others with respect, but love the bully who runs them down.
Are people really this bad? What am I missing? What is it I fail to see or understand about people and relationships?
God, I hate this self-indulgent whiny horse****e. They manage to be pathetic and self-congratulatory at the same time.
Of course, it's NEVER your fault that women break up with you. It's because women are a bunch of shallow, narcissistic gluttons for punishment who will leave the best guy in the world for any P.O.S. who happens to own a Harley. Of course. That could be the only possible answer.
Instead of moaning about your lack of success in the romance department, here's a different idea. Why don't you stop for a moment and analyze why these women are dumping you? You are obviously doing something in your relationships to push them away. And friends talking about how you are "too nice" is codespeak for "Grow a backbone for crying out loud. Stop putting every woman who even smiles at you on a pedestal. Stop treating the woman in question as the key to your future happiness. Have a backbone and don't always put up with whatever crap she feeds you, because women hate that. Be passionate about life and women will be passionate about you. It has nothing to do with how nice you are. It has everything to do with how uninteresting you are. Big difference."
There are about 5 zillion threads on the so-called Nice Guy conundrum already. Stop with the self-pity and spin through a few of those. I'm tired of rehashing the same advice over and over again.
I have tried experimenting with the dark side. I have pouned my chest, talked boldly, braiged and carried on. It worked like a charm! On both men and women...which just prooves my point. I was a total db and it worked, but it wasn't me so I stopped.
I'm not a wimp, I have competed in MMA for years and could take almost every db that has stole girls from me. I know why girls are attracted to bad boys. But it is wrong. Not because I am judgemental but because I simply see the damage it does. They almost always get hurt.
I know why we do these stupid things, but why don't we try harder to be better people?
Wait what? Did you actually physically pound on your chest and some girl found that attractive? Where do you live?
And easy, killer. No need to be armbarring dudes to get the ladies.
I'll level with you here. Most nice guys don't get the girls because they act needy. Sure, they'll bring wine, flowers, take you out for dinner, listen to you whine about your problems, walk your dog, rub your back... and all that's nice but a guy needs some edge. Going all emo because I don't feel like hanging out or want to 'snuggle on the couch' for 9 hours isn't an attractive quality. Suggesting we watch Magic Mike together just to appease me is an immediate -1 in my opinion, I want a man that has an opinion, not someone that's going to sit through endless seasons of The Bachelor with me "just to spend time together."
In any case, we could argue the reverse as well - why do guys go for ******* when there's so many nice girls? It boils down to nice is boring. Unpredictable is fun. Guys say they like that they never know what will come out of my mouth and that they never know what to expect. If you find someone that you can just walk all over, it's lame and gets old really fast.
Wait what? Did you actually physically pound on your chest and some girl found that attractive? Where do you live?
And easy, killer. No need to be armbarring dudes to get the ladies.
I'll level with you here. Most nice guys don't get the girls because they act needy. Sure, they'll bring wine, flowers, take you out for dinner, listen to you whine about your problems, walk your dog, rub your back... and all that's nice but a guy needs some edge. Going all emo because I don't feel like hanging out or want to 'snuggle on the couch' for 9 hours isn't an attractive quality. Suggesting we watch Magic Mike together just to appease me is an immediate -1 in my opinion, I want a man that has an opinion, not someone that's going to sit through endless seasons of The Bachelor with me "just to spend time together."
In any case, we could argue the reverse as well - why do guys go for ******* when there's so many nice girls? It boils down to nice is boring. Unpredictable is fun. Guys say they like that they never know what will come out of my mouth and that they never know what to expect. If you find someone that you can just walk all over, it's lame and gets old really fast.
This is good advice. There is a huge difference between 'Nice' and 'Boring as dirt.' The problem is that most self-described Nice Guys don't realize they fall in the latter category and choose to dignify themselves with the first.
To the OP. Want to really interest a girl? Disagree with her every once in a while when it occurs to you. Do it nicely, but do it nonetheless. If you don't want to watch Sex In The City with her, then don't.
This is good advice. There is a huge difference between 'Nice' and 'Boring as dirt.' The problem is that most self-described Nice Guys don't realize they fall in the latter category and choose to dignify themselves with the first.
To the OP. Want to really interest a girl? Disagree with her every once in a while when it occurs to you. Do it nicely, but do it nonetheless. If you don't want to watch Sex In The City with her, then don't.
Or at the very least, insist that if you do watch SITC with her, that in exchange for that, she has to watch your favoite team in the NFL playoffs with you!
Ok, bad choice of words. By nice I meant good. I am no patsy...believe me. It is just the way people use people. I mean, if that is the objective then stop pretending like you care for each other. Just hookup, get it over with and move on.
Why are weakness and kindess so often synonomous? I know that answer to that. But, my point is it dosen't have to be that way if we simply choose to be different. We are letting years of evolution of animal instinct govern our actions. We can be better than that. And, when we are things are so much better.
When I say switch I don't mean so I can get some, because kindness blows. I mean, if the whole world is dark, maybe I am missing the point. Maybe I am being too unrealistic. Maybe kindess is just a tool and not a way of heart. I mean by being good, maybe I am just being a fool. And yes, I do expect kindness in return, that is how it works. That is the only way it really works.
I have tried experimenting with the dark side. I have pouned my chest, talked boldly, braiged and carried on. It worked like a charm! On both men and women...which just prooves my point. I was a total db and it worked, but it wasn't me so I stopped.
I'm not a wimp, I have competed in MMA for years and could take almost every db that has stole girls from me. I know why girls are attracted to bad boys. But it is wrong. Not because I am judgemental but because I simply see the damage it does. They almost always get hurt.
I know why we do these stupid things, but why don't we try harder to be better people?
"When you look at the dark side, careful you must be ... for the dark side looks back." - Yoda
"When you look at the dark side, careful you must be ... for the dark side looks back." - Yoda
Hahahahaha
But in all seriousness, stop whining and man-up.
Exactly. Why these posters confuse being nice with lacking guts is beyond me. Hell, when I dated, I was the soul of politeness. But I wasn't some subservient little wuss either who was spending every moment trying to get some woman's approval either. If she said something that I thought was baloney, I said so -- albeit nicely. If she wanted to do something that I didn't, I told her and suggest she find a friend to go with.
While I always paid for the dinner, the movies, and the concert tickets, opened her door, etc. etc., I didn't indulge in some over-the-top courtliness like some pint-sized Sir Walter Raleigh, laying my cape over a mud puddle so the lady's shoes wouldn't get soiled.
And that bit about the flowers? Lay off that crap. Employ it strategically, not just because she was a good kisser on Saturday night. Same thing goes for baubles and small gifts.
Or at the very least, insist that if you do watch SITC with her, that in exchange for that, she has to watch your favoite team in the NFL playoffs with you!
I'll watch the NFL playoffs without the prompting of a man, thank you very much!
I'll watch the NFL playoffs without the prompting of a man, thank you very much!
Really? You're allowed to do that?
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