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As a thirty-one year old, I put myself back on the market after a decade of maintaining my single lifestyle. I just wanted someone similar to myself, personality-wise.
Education? Don't care. Career? Doesn't matter. Overweight? No big deal. Supermodel looks? Meh.
I found her last year, online, and she is absolutely fantastic; the light of my life. We've both been rejected plenty of times but when we look at each other, we're looking at the closest it comes to perfection.
It is simple: what are the most important qualities you look for in a potential long-term partner? Yes - as in "marriage" partner. Only answer if you are under 40 and looking.
I am not on the market, I am married, 40, kids and all that - but I am quite fascinated with the "mate selection" changes that the newer generations are undergoing.
1. Personality and Looks. (Non negotiable.)
2. Solid morals, aka a good person--don't want to watch my back.
3. Similar interests.
4. No baggage
5. Career or good job
6. Responsible
7. Not lazy
8. Affectionate--cold women creep me out.
9. Good heart.
It is simple: what are the most important qualities you look for in a potential long-term partner? Yes - as in "marriage" partner. Only answer if you are under 40 and looking.
I am not on the market, I am married, 40, kids and all that - but I am quite fascinated with the "mate selection" changes that the newer generations are undergoing.
I think most of us in our 30's would consider ourselves to be the same generation as you at age 40. This is especially true of me since I'm in my late 30's, but that being said...
It's not about a checklist of characteristics for me. I'm just looking for someone who makes me think, "I want to be with this person and only this person for the rest of my life, forsaking all others." I've never thought that about anyone I've dated, no matter how much I've liked them. I don't know if I ever will or not. I also really enjoy being single and dating, so if I never find that "Wow, I must be with you forever and nobody else" person, I'd much rather stay this way than to marry someone just because that's what I'm "supposed" to do at this age.
It is simple: what are the most important qualities you look for in a potential long-term partner? Yes - as in "marriage" partner. Only answer if you are under 40 and looking.
I am not on the market, I am married, 40, kids and all that - but I am quite fascinated with the "mate selection" changes that the newer generations are undergoing.
Kind, reasonably attractive, sense of humor, and will satisfy me in bed. You'd be shocked at how hard it is to find those things.
so when i was younger, i wanted to be a doctor. that dream came and went...after thinking about it, i didn't really want to spend all my life trying to prevent something that is inevitable. but a part of me really respects what doctors do. it takes a special type of person, in my opinion. so, for a long time, i was determined to marry a doctor/nurse/someone in the medical industry. i mean, at the very least i could live vicariously through her.
then i realized, though, that isn't too fair on her. if i want something to be done, i should do it, not shove that responsibility on to her. but, it's at that point i realized how you can live your spouses profession in a sense. that is, beyond your own chosen vocation, your spouses will be the one you'll be concerned about most. her career will be a big part of her life...and idk, i'd like her to share as much of her life with me as possible.
it made me realize that what i did with my life would be important to my wife, and similarly, what she did would be important to me. it's like we wake up and go out into the world and do what needed to be done before coming back home to each other.
i'm interested in a lot. if it were medicine, my wife could come home and be like "you wouldn't believe the size of the cardiorythmic tumor (lol, idk, but i'm willing to learn) i saw today, and how we fixed it just in time!" and i'd be right there with her because i love talking about stuff like that.
or if it were engineering, or economical analysis, or tech design....i never really get tired of learning about it. so, her talking to me about it, that would be great. i'd be thinking and reading about it regardless..
but if she were, idk, a secretary or something....i really don't care too much about office politics. so, if she's going to talk my ear off about work, then i rather it be about something that i actually want to discuss, as opposed to "what tammy said about marsha"...because, i'd be miserable having to listen to that all my life.
meaningful and well rewarded in the sense that i can see what point it has to it, and so can society, and thus, i, and society at large, treat her with the respect she merits.
i mean, like ross said, rachel was "just a waitress".
(now watch me go marry a waitress...life has a way having your way with you...God is probably up there laughing his head off at my delusions.)
Truly interesting. It seems odd to me that you would want your wife to have a career sort of thing simply because you want to hear about interesting things going on at work from her. Why not get into a career of your choice yourself and find out about interesting things first hand? This is a very odd thing to hear from a male.
In my experience, many men today are starting to expect their women to work because they need a co-provider. The male paycheck no longer has the purchase power it used to have and the contemporary stay-at-home-wife is clearly not the home economics whizz her counterpart from half a century ago was. She hardly produces anything in the household, she just consumes/buys goods and services - for herself, for family, for kids...the bottom line is she is a buyer, not a producer, and quite often, she is a spender rather than a saver.
Whether it's about a pack of frozen dinner from the grocery store (which she could have cooked herself from scratch, but more often than not she doesn't) or the latest cool activity to sign up kids for and chauffeur them to - the main occupation for the domestic female today is to CONSUME.
This is starting to be less and less appealing for young guys so they are increasingly looking for women who would do their share, economically speaking. Hence "I want her to be independent" mantra. "I don't want her to be clingy", etc.
Exceptions in expectations appear for those women who are super attractive and the guys feel it would be worth it for the ego to have such a trophy, no matter how little she would produce and how much she would consume. Then again, such rare women have always been expensive to have and to keep - throughout history.
The change in dating and "mating" expectations has everything to do with changes in the economy - and the ultimate truth is that the female domestic role is no longer an economic role. It is rather a liability than an asset to the average man today.
As a thirty-one year old, I put myself back on the market after a decade of maintaining my single lifestyle. I just wanted someone similar to myself, personality-wise.
Education? Don't care. Career? Doesn't matter. Overweight? No big deal. Supermodel looks? Meh.
I found her last year, online, and she is absolutely fantastic; the light of my life. We've both been rejected plenty of times but when we look at each other, we're looking at the closest it comes to perfection.
This sounds really nice. Congratulations. If you both have means to support yourselves, or one has enough for both of you and is happy with the arrangement - it's all that matters after all.
Why is this important to you? Why not a stay-at-home woman? Just curious how today's men see this.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jay100
7. Not lazy
Define. What does a not-lazy women do? How does she spend her day?
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