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If you look back at my prior posts last year, you'll see I gave my alcoholic husband an ultimatum, and then ended up leaving him. Well, it only lasted 3 months, and 10 months ago, I moved back in. I knew he wasn't going to stop drinking but I talked myself into thinking that I was being too hard on him. After all, he does not abuse me. He got a new job in March and has kept it. But I still feel like his drinking affects our relationship. I avoid parties/gatherings because he drinks too much and embarasses me. I avoid asking for sex because I never know when he's too liquored up to be able to perform. I was miserable without him, but I am miserable with him, too.
I haven't done the Al-Anon thing because it is religion-based and I am Agnostic. He's not going to stop drinking. I do know that. So I know that gives me two choices -- either leave, or deal with it.
If you look back at my prior posts last year, you'll see I gave my alcoholic husband an ultimatum, and then ended up leaving him. Well, it only lasted 3 months, and 10 months ago, I moved back in. I knew he wasn't going to stop drinking but I talked myself into thinking that I was being too hard on him. After all, he does not abuse me. He got a new job in March and has kept it. But I still feel like his drinking affects our relationship. I avoid parties/gatherings because he drinks too much and embarasses me. I avoid asking for sex because I never know when he's too liquored up to be able to perform. I was miserable without him, but I am miserable with him, too.
I haven't done the Al-Anon thing because it is religion-based and I am Agnostic. He's not going to stop drinking. I do know that. So I know that gives me two choices -- either leave, or deal with it.
I'm agnostic and have been to plenty of Al-Anon meetings. I didn't find a single one of them overtly religious based. Most people dont even mention religion whatsoever. I understand the book that accompanies the meetings is religious based-but you dont have to read if you are uncomfortable.
What is he planning on doing himself? If he wont seek help, you have no choice but to leave again. IMO (coming from someone who has dealt with a family member who used to struggle with addiction).
What do you want to do? You said that he is not abusive, and that you were miserable without him. His alcohol abuse is what makes you miserable with him. Why not try to address the issue. There are a lot of non-religious based alcohol treatment programs that you can explore. Start with a quick google search to see what's available in your area. It seems like addressing the issue both helps him and may help your marriage.
NOTE: I'll have to go back and read some of your earlier posts on this subject to learn more. I didn't really visit the relationships forum 10 months ago.
That's tough....maybe you two could work out some kind of compromise, like if he could only drink 1 or 2 days a week? Has he ever seen some photos of livers that had cirrhosis? All that drinking is no good for his health.
If you look back at my prior posts last year, you'll see I gave my alcoholic husband an ultimatum, and then ended up leaving him. Well, it only lasted 3 months, and 10 months ago, I moved back in. I knew he wasn't going to stop drinking but I talked myself into thinking that I was being too hard on him. After all, he does not abuse me. He got a new job in March and has kept it. But I still feel like his drinking affects our relationship. I avoid parties/gatherings because he drinks too much and embarasses me. I avoid asking for sex because I never know when he's too liquored up to be able to perform. I was miserable without him, but I am miserable with him, too.
I haven't done the Al-Anon thing because it is religion-based and I am Agnostic. He's not going to stop drinking. I do know that. So I know that gives me two choices -- either leave, or deal with it.
Time to move out again. This time make it permanent.
That's tough....maybe you two could work out some kind of compromise, like if he could only drink 1 or 2 days a week?
That's not how addiction works. Alcoholics can't drink in moderation. She's right, if he won't get treatment she's going to have to either leave him or tolerate being with an alcoholic. If she does the latter, that will also mean being codependent and therefore contributing to his alcoholism.
Go to Al-Anon if you're going to try to be with him. You don't have to be religious. Your "higher power" can be the earth, or mother nature, or science, or the universe, or a rock, for that matter. That's not really what's important.
Really sorry to hear you are in this position. I don't have much to offer you, other than my condolences...... I think as others have said, he probably won't stop drinking, the best you can hope for is for him to cut back a bit... not sure, it's either accept it or move on... tough spot to be in.... it probably makes it tough cause I bet he's probably an Ok guy when sober......
Sounds like a good man. Just has some addiction issues. Dont let his problem be your problem and, as others have been suggesting, try to address the problem. Get his family to help make him stop if that is an option.
The problems are yours, not his. You have learned to become co-dependent. Leaving him won't change this. If you can't deal with the "higher power" aspect of 12 step programs for alcoholic family members or family-based co-dependency, you can seek out a cognitive psychologist/counselor or read self-help books, or cook in your own stew.
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