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need some advice and a listening ear
my husband of 14 years left me, moved to another state with a women with kids of her own. after 4 months he told her to move back to lousiana. she did. a couple of months later he reconnected with her and moved to louisiana also. after 3 months they were in counseling for their relationship, mind you that he is still married to me. the counselor told them they were too different and wanted different things and he will never be happy until he is with someone that he can be his self with. he told me this in a atempt to reconcile our relationship. he came back to arkansas for a week, we talked about everything that went wrong in our marriage. he was telling his mother and family that he wanted his wife and kids back, two days later he was back in louisana and had emailed me that she was what he had deep feelings for her and she gave him what he needed, i am devastated. how could he do that? and now he do not have anything to do with his children, he has only 3 of his own in this world by me and he has nothing to do with them now. but he stays home and babysits hers while shes at work. she even emailed me and told me that he was going to divorce me as soon as possible and what i was going to get in the settlement, boy was i set off. how am i to handle this situation? please i need somebodys advice.
need some advice and a listening ear
my husband of 14 years left me, moved to another state with a women with kids of her own. after 4 months he told her to move back to lousiana. she did. a couple of months later he reconnected with her and moved to louisiana also. after 3 months they were in counseling for their relationship, mind you that he is still married to me. the counselor told them they were too different and wanted different things and he will never be happy until he is with someone that he can be his self with. he told me this in a atempt to reconcile our relationship. he came back to arkansas for a week, we talked about everything that went wrong in our marriage. he was telling his mother and family that he wanted his wife and kids back, two days later he was back in louisana and had emailed me that she was what he had deep feelings for her and she gave him what he needed, i am devastated. how could he do that? and now he do not have anything to do with his children, he has only 3 of his own in this world by me and he has nothing to do with them now. but he stays home and babysits hers while shes at work. she even emailed me and told me that he was going to divorce me as soon as possible and what i was going to get in the settlement, boy was i set off. how am i to handle this situation? please i need somebodys advice.
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You have no choice but to get on with your life. He clearly does not want to be a husband to you. His actions (not his words) tell you exactly what he wants. Now you need to move forward with a separation and a divorce. They longer you put up with his back and forth, the longer you delay getting on with your life. He is the father of your children, but he is no longer your husband. Talk to a lawyer and serve him the papers.
Agreed. You need to move on. You really have to. Just keep trying to be the person that you want your children to see. A stong woman. A woman who will perservere.
It WILL be difficult. You will have to tell yourself daily...that you can do it; you are strong; you are resilient; it will get easier. You will be happy again...and if you want to, you will find love again. It will be your (ex) husband who will suffer the loss of this family.
I've heard somewhere that it is possible to sucessfully sue your husband's mistress; save her childish e-mails for your lawyer. Her e-mails show that on some level she is threatened by you. It sounds like she's one of those who always wants what someone else has. It also sounds like she isn't convinced he's going to stay. Why else would she want to intimidate you by dictating to you what you and your husband's divorce arrangements will be?
Hon, you need to go ahead and take control over your situation and make decisions that you are comfortable with. If you are not ready for a divorce you don't have to run out and get one. Neither he or his mistress can force you to sign the papers. I would however, suggest you get a lawyer to ensure that he is paying his share for child support.
Take a class, do some volunteer work with the kids, just do something new and different to feel better. Don't let this guy and his mistress continue to emotionally abuse you and your children; ya'll deserve better. In time when you are feeling less hurt (yes, you will feel less hurt just give it some time) you will think clearer and be able to decide what is best for you and your children, until then keep yourselves busy and get some counseling (it can't hurt anything).
Bless your heart, I've been there and have done this; it does get better.
PS. Seeing how you've been married for over 10 years, you are entitled to a portion of his social security benefits.
I've heard somewhere that it is possible to sucessfully sue your husband's mistress; save her childish e-mails for your lawyer. Her e-mails show that on some level she is threatened by you. It sounds like she's one of those who always wants what someone else has. It also sounds like she isn't convinced he's going to stay. Why else would she want to intimidate you by dictating to you what you and your husband's divorce arrangements will be?
Hon, you need to go ahead and take control over your situation and make decisions that you are comfortable with. If you are not ready for a divorce you don't have to run out and get one. Neither he or his mistress can force you to sign the papers. I would however, suggest you get a lawyer to ensure that he is paying his share for child support.
Take a class, do some volunteer work with the kids, just do something new and different to feel better. Don't let this guy and his mistress continue to emotionally abuse you and your children; ya'll deserve better. In time when you are feeling less hurt (yes, you will feel less hurt just give it some time) you will think clearer and be able to decide what is best for you and your children, until then keep yourselves busy and get some counseling (it can't hurt anything).
Bless your heart, I've been there and have done this; it does get better.
PS. Seeing how you've been married for over 10 years, you are entitled to a portion of his social security benefits.
Keep in mind that he has to pay child support and since they both want to be so rude about it I would hit him up for spousal support as well..The court can and will force him to go and find a job. It will tear her up that he has to give you child and spousal support.
In the long run he will regret abandoning his children like that for another man's child and one day your children won't forget it either.
Take that SOB to the cleaners- and get what you can from the mistress as well.
Change your e mail address so she cannot harass you any more.
Seek counseling and heal.
And count your blessings- he's her problem now.
I've been there- remember something- this has nothing to do with you being less than the other. This is all about his shortcomings------- and you are too good for him.
put the hate, resentment and jealousy about what he does with her in her life aside. Do not correspond with her...do not listen to her...she has got some major problems and in the end...your husband will suffer greatly by his own choice...which will be punishment enough...and maybe you can't see it through all the emotions you are feeling now...but believe me, he will get his. In the meantime....please get rid of any feelings of revenge and hate you might harbor....and concentrate on you and most of the advice above me. Do not seek out to hurt her in the least...her own defincies will prove her demise...believe me.
Geez, what advice is there to offer other than listening and comforting really???
Forgive me for saying this, but if he truly feels the other woman is what makes him happy then whatever, that's his call............. BUT............ When you have children you take them into consideration FIRST AND FOREMOST!!!
I am truly sad for you as well, don't get me wrong. I think what he's doing sucks, but it's his lack of regard for his own children that gets me FUMING over this...
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need some advice and a listening ear 
