Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
So asking why you've never been married and don't have kids isn't enough these days? I would be a little disturbed if I brought someone home and he started going through my mail.
lol yeah. Those who keep on thinking others have so much to hide normally are crazy ass hole themselves.
This is not reality at all. Women say "Don't let your single father status stop you from pursuing your true love" all the time. We say that because it is politically correct to say and many of us don't come across sounding like a judgmental biotch.
However, many women will NEVER admit if a man who had children with even two different women, and says "I am a proud father of four and my kids come first" we RUN RUN RUN fast. But we will never hesitate of telling him, "You are exactly right, puruse your true love. Don't let anybody tell you that you are not dating material." (well, translation: find a sucker to date you, just not me)
Thanks for the honesty and I think that's the way it should be for anybody who has a clear head. BUT, the politically correct version is what's being passed around and once something starts getting passed around, it takes on a life of its own. There are a lot of examples of this phenomenon, from sex doesn't matter, to single men in their 40's are losers, to it's desirable for a woman to have many partners, to family not being about blood relations.
Some people hear these things over and over again and sooner or later they believe it as factual.
It's kind of the same phenomenon you see in politics. When someone says "Bush stole the election" or "Bush doesn't like black people" they know it's ridiculous, but a certain part of the population is going to believe it just because they heard it on TV. If you get an extra 1% of the vote because of this, that could be the difference between winning and losing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyflower3191981
SOME single men who are in his 40s never been married and have no kids are amongst the most desirable dating materials at least FOR ME. Based on my own experiences, these men spent their early days pursing higher education, and many of them had long term relationship ended up in breakups. Take me as example, I am 30 years old this year, and I could have been married when I was 24, but the love of my life ended up dead (brain tumor) I met several gentlemen dealt with very similar situations.
Single chileless man who is a nice person is way more desirable than a single father who is also a nice person. Any women who deny this are lying (sorry for the generalization, but it is truth and I am sticking to it)
This is a very important thing. You are lucky if you meet a person you truly click with once or maybe twice in your life. If nothing materializes from that first time, it may take a long time to get that back again because you won't settle for anything less than that.
Then add all the other complications that arise as you get older, from needing someone in your general vicinity intellectually, to cultural and religious compatibility, to finding someone with good morals, to finding someone financially stable ... to just the simple fact that there are so many effed up people out there. It's like finding a needle in a haystack.
Again, where is the logic in this? I do get that women dont mind divorced guys because they know that they are not affraid of commitment. However, doesnt the fact that they are divorced, mean that they have also proven to fail at marriage? Womans world lacks any common sense and logic, but thats not exactly news.
Yeah the logic that a man who has been married is better than a never married is strange. In fact everytime I come across a divorced man I wonder why he's divorced because to me divorce=failure. Maybe he had a good reason for divorce but the good reasons are slime compared to some of the wacky reasons I have seen people divorce.
This is not reality at all. Women say "Don't let your single father status stop you from pursuing your true love" all the time. We say that because it is politically correct to say and many of us don't come across sounding like a judgmental biotch.
However, many women will NEVER admit if a man who had children with even two different women, and says "I am a proud father of four and my kids come first" we RUN RUN RUN fast. But we will never hesitate of telling him, "You are exactly right, puruse your true love. Don't let anybody tell you that you are not dating material." (well, translation: find a sucker to date you, just not me)
SOME single men who are in his 40s never been married and have no kids are amongst the most desirable dating materials at least FOR ME. Based on my own experiences, these men spent their early days pursing higher education, and many of them had long term relationship ended up in breakups. Take me as example, I am 30 years old this year, and I could have been married when I was 24, but the love of my life ended up dead (brain tumor) I met several gentlemen dealt with very similar situations.
Single chileless man who is a nice person is way more desirable than a single father who is also a nice person. Any women who deny this are lying (sorry for the generalization, but it is truth and I am sticking to it)
Ironically last night on OKCupid I had a guy with two kids by two different women contact me and tell me "but I would spoil you". I kept telling him that I don't date men with different baby mamas no matter what. As for spoiling I have dated men who claimed that but their idea of "spoiling" was going to the movie sometimes.
I prefer never married childless men and always get flack for it to which I always tell people to look at my side. I would like to experience things with someone who never did before either. Not to mention my actual reasons for not dating men with kids and that is the drama and financial (and to a lesser point religious). Every time people say I am "selfish" for not wanting to date a man with kids I always say they need to learn the true meaning of selfish and that because I don't want to share my time and money with another family doesn't make me selfish at all. In fact a man wanting to marry me then expect me to financially support his family and cater to them is the selfish one here, not me.
Ironically last night on OKCupid I had a guy with two kids by two different women contact me and tell me "but I would spoil you". I kept telling him that I don't date men with different baby mamas no matter what. As for spoiling I have dated men who claimed that but their idea of "spoiling" was going to the movie sometimes.
I prefer never married childless men and always get flack for it to which I always tell people to look at my side. I would like to experience things with someone who never did before either. Not to mention my actual reasons for not dating men with kids and that is the drama and financial (and to a lesser point religious). Every time people say I am "selfish" for not wanting to date a man with kids I always say they need to learn the true meaning of selfish and that because I don't want to share my time and money with another family doesn't make me selfish at all. In fact a man wanting to marry me then expect me to financially support his family and cater to them is the selfish one here, not me.
In addition to the multiple times divorced women on these websites, I've noticed another pheonomenon but this one among never married women. There also seem to be a lot of cancer survivors and people with serious medical issues online. Has anybody else noticed this?
Ironically last night on OKCupid I had a guy with two kids by two different women contact me and tell me "but I would spoil you". I kept telling him that I don't date men with different baby mamas no matter what. As for spoiling I have dated men who claimed that but their idea of "spoiling" was going to the movie sometimes.
I prefer never married childless men and always get flack for it to which I always tell people to look at my side. I would like to experience things with someone who never did before either. Not to mention my actual reasons for not dating men with kids and that is the drama and financial (and to a lesser point religious). Every time people say I am "selfish" for not wanting to date a man with kids I always say they need to learn the true meaning of selfish and that because I don't want to share my time and money with another family doesn't make me selfish at all. In fact a man wanting to marry me then expect me to financially support his family and cater to them is the selfish one here, not me.
exactly! this is something those single parents need to know. The real selfish people are those who want the new woman to come second place, nobody want to take the backseat for the rest of their lives unless they are truly doormat or come with hidden agenda (Like mail order bride want to get a green card or something like this)
In addition to the multiple times divorced women on these websites, I've noticed another pheonomenon but this one among never married women. There also seem to be a lot of cancer survivors and people with serious medical issues online. Has anybody else noticed this?
People with chronic illnesses or challenging mental illnesses. Yes. I have noticed that.
In addition to the multiple times divorced women on these websites, I've noticed another pheonomenon but this one among never married women. There also seem to be a lot of cancer survivors and people with serious medical issues online. Has anybody else noticed this?
Haven't noticed that one but have noticed a lot of mentally or physically disabled men on the sites. I often get men contact me who live in group homes or have disabilities like developmentally disabled.
exactly! this is something those single parents need to know. The real selfish people are those who want the new woman to come second place, nobody want to take the backseat for the rest of their lives unless they are truly doormat or come with hidden agenda (Like mail order bride want to get a green card or something like this)
They don't get it and it's sad. I've even had guys tell me I may even love their kids as much as I would having my own (usually preceded by the fact they don't want more kids). I tell them sure anything can happen but I do know if I married knowing they didn't want kids I would become angry. Obviously there is never a guarantee of having kids but a guy telling me upfront I need to just be happy being a step mom isn't someone who is a good match. When I marry I don't want plans to be cancelled because of his obligations to his other family like school plays or holidays. Granted this could happen even if he's never married and childless but that is a bit different. Step parents have all the obligations at times (including financial support)yet rarely any of the positives. That may sound offensive to some but the reality is unless there is no mom in the picture the step mom isn't going to be playing that role. However that may not stop her from being forced to support the other family financially or otherwise.
I have yet to hear a good reason why being a step mom would be a good idea for me. Being able to play mom? Nope not when being a step mom. Besides as a religious ed teacher and being an aunt allows my maternal side to show through.
Again, where is the logic in this? I do get that women dont mind divorced guys because they know that they are not affraid of commitment. However, doesnt the fact that they are divorced, mean that they have also proven to fail at marriage? Womans world lacks any common sense and logic, but thats not exactly news.
I think you are a little biased.
Divorce is not necessarily failure. People face different challenges throughout their entire lives. For example, let's say a person who all of sudden develops mental illnesses (PTSD) due to trauma beyond his or her control, and his or her spouse cannot put up with the financial burden. End result, divorce. Can you blame the person who suffer for failing his or her marriage?
Let's also not forget the fact that many marriages end up in divorce due to infidelity. Can you say that person who has been cheated on is at fault? There are absolutely no reasons under the sun can justify cheating because if you are unhappy, you can always leave the relationship.
Let's also not forget the fact that there are many people who are overly materialistic. If wife dumped the husband because she found a richer man, can you really blame the husband for failing his marriage becasue he cannot make enough money to satisfy his wife?
generalization gets people nowhere in the dating world.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
