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Do some guys really avoid women they are attracted to?
Yes, living, breathing proof right here.
I just avoid the ones I know to be rude, and ready to put you down the second a breath leaves your mouth. Then again, I avoid the nice ones, too. I usually think, "Meh, I'm doing them a favor. They probably had 50+ guys ask them out tonight alone." This is of course at the bar with friends.
I remember one time my friends introduced me to a girl they met at the bar. We started talking but the conversations went no where. I stood up and asked her to walk with me. I then introduced her to someone else that I knew, not amongst my group of friends, and walked away.
Right now Im working with a tmw aka to much work, Im currently seeing a woman who is a 3 at best. She wants me to help her cut the pounds off her. I will try. I have notice that guys are willing to downgrade to be with a woman sadly women dont do the same and wonder why they are single with two kids and no ring on their finger. Welcome to the new America.
i'm not arguing that game theory describes the way people behave in the dating world -
Okay, then we agree. Or so it would seem if not for the seemingly contradictory stuff in the rest of your post:
Quote:
Originally Posted by ElysianEagle
what i disagree with is the reasons and justifications for doing so, which i find questionable, especially since many guys are consciously aware of the choices they're making when picking women to pursue.
1. What "reasons and justifications" would those be?
2. Why are you upset by the reasons other consenting adults have for getting together with each other? Doesn't it make more sense to let them do what works for them while you do what work for you?
3. Why do you keep saying "guys" as if this is gender-specific, when what we're discussing (as you've agreed) describes how all people make decisions?
Quote:
Originally Posted by ElysianEagle
my focus here isn't on the search for someone to shack up with (either for just a single night, or for the rest of your life). it's finding someone you truly want to be with.
Exactly. As I noted in the post to which you were responding, this is even more true when people are choosing their life partners than it is with "shacking up." It's anyone's guess as to what you mean by attempting to differentiate "shacking up for the rest of your life" from "truly wanting to be with someone." By definition, people don't choose to spend their entire lives with people they don't "truly want to be with." By making the choice to do so they are indicating that they want to do so. (Otherwise, it wouldn't be a choice at all, such as in the case of economic necessity or arranged marriages.)
Quote:
Originally Posted by ElysianEagle
i guess it just comes down to the individual. i don't think i would be happy doin something like this, but if it works for others...oh well.
Yep, their pedestal is usually a lot higher then most. When you get rejected by a "10", the fall is much harder then what a 5-8 would feel like.
Not really, the opposite is true. If I hit on Kate Upton, I'd almost expect to get rejected. If I hit on a woman who was a 5 and she turned me down, I'd think something was seriously wrong with me
Okay, then we agree. Or so it would seem if not for the seemingly contradictory stuff in the rest of your post:
1. What "reasons and justifications" would those be?
2. Why are you upset by the reasons other consenting adults have for getting together with each other? Doesn't it make more sense to let them do what works for them while you do what work for you?
3. Why do you keep saying "guys" as if this is gender-specific, when what we're discussing (as you've agreed) describes how all people make decisions?
Exactly. As I noted in the post to which you were responding, this is even more true when people are choosing their life partners than it is with "shacking up." It's anyone's guess as to what you mean by attempting to differentiate "shacking up for the rest of your life" from "truly wanting to be with someone." By definition, people don't choose to spend their entire lives with people they don't "truly want to be with." By making the choice to do so they are indicating that they want to do so. (Otherwise, it wouldn't be a choice at all, such as in the case of economic necessity or arranged marriages.)
Something like what, exactly?
1) did you actually read my original post? i believe i was quite clear about the reasoning such guys use, and why i think it's flawed.
2) i never said i was upset. where did you get that from? i don't care what they do, but i do find the entire phenomenon quite interesting and was hoping to spur some discussion on this forum. it's the reason i visit this place - i find human relationships fascinating. i wanted to see if my observations could be corroborated by others. furthermore, your next question was already answered in the last of my posts that you quoted (wherein i said "if it works for others...oh well"). i'm already doing what i think is right by and for me, and i certainly let others do as they please. i have never once in my entire life tried to tell any guy who he should or shouldn't date.
3) i specifically only mentioned "guys" in the beginning because i haven't personally met women who reason like this. i feel certain now, after reading the contributions to this thread, that such women exist, but i wanted to refrain from commenting on something i had no direct experience of.
4) now you're just being ridiculous. something like "settling" is what i meant.
you stated that no one "chooses" to be with someone they don't truly want to be with, otherwise it wouldn't really be a choice. i guess it comes down to how you define "having a choice". let's say a person only has 2 current choices when it comes to marriage:
a) someone they're only moderately attracted to, for instance, someone they've been dating for a year or so but this person doesn't exactly rock their socks off. they don't find themselves passionately in love with this person, or excited to spend time with them. the sex is just so-so at best.
b) break it off with that person and try and find someone they like, taking the risk that they might never actually find someone again. this could happen because the person is really old, or just really ugly, or just plain bad luck in romance.
it appears to me that in this situation, if the person selected 'a', i would consider this a 'choice' (and therefore, "choosing to be with someone you don't truly want to be with"), while you would consider this a 'necessity'.
a case in point is the woman in this thread here (in this very forum):
would you say she married (and stayed married all those years) out of necessity? or was that a choice (albeit a tough one)?
Last edited by ElysianEagle; 02-15-2013 at 01:07 AM..
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