Online dating:have you ever had this happen? (guy, friend, social)
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"Thank you for you interest, but I'm sorry I don't think we're going to be a match. I'm really looking to date someone who is Catholic (or insert other adjective below) right now. You have a really great profile and I'm sure you'll find someone. Good luck!"
If you want to some extra emphasis, even if it's BS, you can add:
"I really need someone who is more quiet/talkative/athletic/homebody/outgoing/Catholic/Secular/ traditional/nontraditional, etc."
If you don't have the guts to send a rejection, don't complain that they still think there might be some hope and they still keep contacting you. Not everybody understands unspoken signals, especially guys.
Any reply is nice. Closure is good.
I do that when someone not fitting what I seek contacts me. I would rarely reject someone based on reasons like looks. The problem I run into is many of the men don't realize some things are deal breakers and think if they keep pushing me I'll give in.
I wouldn't even say it's so much being rude, it's just that messaging in general is in the favor of women. I can honestly say over the years I've messaged over 100 women. You know how many women have messaged me without me messaging them first? More than 3, but less than 10. Women can likely expect to get at least one message a day on average. Even if the message it not what you desire to hear, you still get one. The ability to frequently get messages that way dumbs down the notion that you even have to message a guy. It's the reason why women always talk about receiving messages from weird guys, but you hardly hear them talk about sending messages to guys first.
You ladies have the LUXURY of sitting back and waiting for a messge to arrive. Why go out and look for a guy online, when while you are reading one message someone else is sending you another one! It's also created this fallacy that women can be uber picky as well. When you don't have to do any work for something, you frankly don't value it. That has been my overall opinion with online dating. When you aren't equally putting in the work, than you have little value for the method.
It's pretty clear that the men are ultimately the one's putting out the work and really trying. Women can also live and die by the fact that the guy isn't attractive enough. It's not that the guy isn't attractive, but that he's not attractive enough. Clearly, when you get an average of one message a day, it creates the idea that you can continue to sit back till the more attractive guy comes along.
I'm not talkign bad about women at all, but I've experienced women having to do very little work with onlien dating.
I think the men I have encountered online have been way more pickier than me and a few have rejected me for issues they also have which is odd. Sure I did get a lot of responses but most were of the "you're hot" variety. I'd rather not get any at all than those.
I think the men I have encountered online have been way more pickier than me and a few have rejected me for issues they also have which is odd. Sure I did get a lot of responses but most were of the "you're hot" variety. I'd rather not get any at all than those.
I only said that because I truly did date someone that I wasn't attracted to much at all. The emotional bond was there, but I couldn't develop anything physical. I knew something was up when I never wanted to stay the night and I never wanted to make out with her. In prior relationships, I loved to make out and spend a couple nights together during the week/weekeknd.
That one stung when it ended, because I had been single for a year before we started dating. I'm far from picky, but I've met my share of women that find me attractive, but for one reason or another, they just aren't ready for a relationship. Several of them were relatively fresh out of a long-term relationship or marriage. I understand not being ready, but for me, time is of the essence. I'm not all that inclined to wait an undisclosed amount of time for someone to mend their broken heart.
I only said that because I truly did date someone that I wasn't attracted to much at all. The emotional bond was there, but I couldn't develop anything physical. I knew something was up when I never wanted to stay the night and I never wanted to make out with her. In prior relationships, I loved to make out and spend a couple nights together during the week/weekeknd.
That one stung when it ended, because I had been single for a year before we started dating. I'm far from picky, but I've met my share of women that find me attractive, but for one reason or another, they just aren't ready for a relationship. Several of them were relatively fresh out of a long-term relationship or marriage. I understand not being ready, but for me, time is of the essence. I'm not all that inclined to wait an undisclosed amount of time for someone to mend their broken heart.
I think being attracted to the person is so important. I look at it a bit different though and that is not everyone is photogenic. If they seem like a decent person I will meet them and if not attracted then life goes on. It's more though than looks but the body's chemistry. I have felt it with men who would not be considered hot and didn't have it with handsome men.
And I think that's why online dating leaves a lot of people deflated. I just don't clean up well in a picture. I've never been that photogenic, but I look much better in person. For the ones that have taken a chance, they have all said I look much better in person than I do in a picture. A picture only tells one thing about a person and the text under that picture is trying to describe the person in the picture. What you can't get from a picture and text, is a vibe or connection with that person. I've messaged a couple of women for weeks, and when we finally met up, there was next to no chemistry. I've messaged a person once or twice, and we met on a whim, and the chemistry worked very well.
I know the saying that a picture says a thousand words, but the person in the picture can voice ten thousand words. Also for me, a picture is just that, a picture. I'm spending my time reading the profiles to see what the person in the picture is about. I still wholeheartedly think attraction is important, but I think it can get a bit more credit than it truly deserves. A connection is everything and you really can't build that off a picture and a couple of sentences. That real connection is going to require taking a chance and meeting someone in real life.
A few years ago, I created my profile on Match and one of the first responses I received was from a man in his 70s. I was only 29 or 30 at the time so I wrote him back and thanked him for the compliment but that I was looking for someone closer to my age. He sent me a few more messages with graphic language about what he would like to do with me and my lips. I decided next time I would not respond to someone if I wasn't interested. The next guy was had a passive aggressive profile in which he said that he was the typical nice guy but women didn't want nice men. He messaged me and I ignored him. He then sent me another email saying that I was ***** for not even responding with a polite decline.
And I think that's why online dating leaves a lot of people deflated. I just don't clean up well in a picture. I've never been that photogenic, but I look much better in person. For the ones that have taken a chance, they have all said I look much better in person than I do in a picture. A picture only tells one thing about a person and the text under that picture is trying to describe the person in the picture. What you can't get from a picture and text, is a vibe or connection with that person. I've messaged a couple of women for weeks, and when we finally met up, there was next to no chemistry. I've messaged a person once or twice, and we met on a whim, and the chemistry worked very well.
I know the saying that a picture says a thousand words, but the person in the picture can voice ten thousand words. Also for me, a picture is just that, a picture. I'm spending my time reading the profiles to see what the person in the picture is about. I still wholeheartedly think attraction is important, but I think it can get a bit more credit than it truly deserves. A connection is everything and you really can't build that off a picture and a couple of sentences. That real connection is going to require taking a chance and meeting someone in real life.
As others have mentioned, guys outnumber girls online and 20% of the girls seem to generate 85% of the interest online, so your odds as a guy are not that great to begin with. If you don't take good pictures, clean up, get some professional pictures done and then see what happens. Otherwise, go with what you have and don't make any apologies for it.
We can talk here about all the theory behind this and I tend to agree that people sabotage their success with the the "one and done" nature of the internet, but all it takes is just one outing with someone you click with and at the end of the day all these theories get thrown out the window.
I don't think I've ever had a great internet date before. Nothing awful, just mostly blah. It gets quite scary, too.
I had a pretty good date on Saturday as far as online dating goes ... whether something comes of it will be another story though. But the point is that for all the theorizing here and critiquing here, at the end of the day I do know what I want and it's nice to have periodic reminders like this to tell me what works and what doesn't for me.
Sooooo ... you need to figure out what you want and what works first. What has worked for you in the past that gave you that tingling sensation? Then position yourself to get it.
A few years ago, I created my profile on Match and one of the first responses I received was from a man in his 70s. I was only 29 or 30 at the time so I wrote him back and thanked him for the compliment but that I was looking for someone closer to my age. He sent me a few more messages with graphic language about what he would like to do with me and my lips. I decided next time I would not respond to someone if I wasn't interested. The next guy was had a passive aggressive profile in which he said that he was the typical nice guy but women didn't want nice men. He messaged me and I ignored him. He then sent me another email saying that I was ***** for not even responding with a polite decline.
Damned if you, damned if you don't.
I still operate on the theory that most people are normal and decent. You should have blocked the old guy, but that shouldn't stop you from doing the decent thing with others. How hard is it to cut and paste a stock reply? I think it's classy and says a lot about the person when they do that. If people bother you after that, block them.
It's really no biggie. It can be frustrating here and there, but I find talking about these kinds of situations truly fascinating. I like learning about people as is and don't get very engaged with simple surface conversation. I'm not deep all the time, but I do like to carry a deeper conversation the majority of the time. My ability to be a critical thinker has landed me in a good career, so I really don't take my thinking skills for granted. Give me something like what's in this section of the forum, and if the banter back and forth is good, I'm completely intrigued. I've even learned quite a bit from this forum that I have applied to my own life.
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