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So here is the situation.... I have been dating this girl since last summer. We get along great, similar interests, think alike, have same goals in life... I love her ---- Meet her parents, have keys to her apartment, etc....
There have a been a few instances of her doing stupid things here and there... Insecurity issues of how much I like her, in turn making her want to break it off... to which I always reassure her that I love her... She comes from an abusive home, so I think some of her behavior is result of upbringing.. She sometimes drinks too much, especially when we first met.. Overall though she is very caring, never flakes on plans, feels very good to be with her. We sleep at each others house at least 4 times a week.. Has a great career, cares about her family, despite what her parents were like some of the time...
Fast forward to last weekend, when she comes home from being away on a work trip for a week... She comes in late Friday and had made plans to see a concert with her friend (a guy) that she totally forgot about.. So try to follow me... she doesn't make the concert because she gets in too late, however she meets up with him and his friends for a bite to eat after the concert before even seeing me after being gone a week.. saying she felt guilty for not going to the concert so she wanted to make it up to him... So this made me feel disrespected and hurt... Forgave her didn't really think anything was going on with them... she says he is just a friend, "one who is bald, short and nobody I'd be interested in, blah blah blah... he's just a funny guy I hang out with because he's best friends with my friend from college"
Yesterday comes around and over the weekend she talked about me meeting him and hanging out with him Monday... As I randomly see a text pop on her phone as I'm cooking dinner with her, asking to hang out tomorrow.. So I say yea I'll come along why not.. So after work I text her to see whats up.. She says nothing just that she is going on a run, I call her halfway through saying I'll cook you dinner for when you return from your run... Doesn't directly respond to this only with my body hurts from run I'm going to take a bath... So I decide to come over to her place.. Well this where I catch her... She isn't at her apartment. I leave her keys at her apartment and walk out knowing she is liar.
So I think I just need some reassurance from you fine people of what I'm planning to do is the right thing.
I planned on not talking to her, but I love her and answered to phone this morning. She claimed at first just to be out, but I finally got it out of her that she was with her friend for a drink... So that is that. I don't plan on being with her anymore after she could so causally lie to me. I tell her if she truly loved me there is no way she could have done this to me. Regardless if it was just a drink or hooking up.. As to me a lie is lie no matter the proportion.
The kicker is this. It's her birthday in 2 days and her brothers wedding this weekend. It was terrible timing on her part I guess. Now she has been calling me nonstop today trying to apologize wants us to meet and break up face to face. I guess I kinda needed to vent and get this off my chest as I am not the one to tell my business in the streets and just want to try and forget this girl - although I know this won't be easy. Thanks for taking the time to read my novel. I really appreciate if any wise members here who have anything to say on the matter.
I just had an 8 year relationship that ended, because he kept making up things about his whereabouts and what he was doing. He, too, was "with friends" (plural) and then eventually he was "with a friend". Well, you know that when a SO is with a "friend" and you aren't there, it's more than the historical sense of the word friend.
I believe that your SO wants to see you face-to-face because she wants to whine and see if she can get you to go to the b'day party and wedding. Afterall, it's short notice to change the guest that she would be bringing (too many questions would arise) - or worse have no date at all. She wants you to fall for the puppy-dog eyes and big tears and the apologies (if there are any).
In my above experience, when a SO starts lying, it seems to get easier and easier, so it goes on and on. They have no idea (or don't care) just how much that hurts. I am also finding out how it feels to be very cautious with a damaged relationship, but still try to remain optimistic only to find that the feelings of being strung along are being confirmed.
I had a relatively short relationship with a woman who had these same problems, and once I realized that I wasn't important, I told her to take a hike. She didn't like it either.
Ok, there are a couple of issues here. Issue one is she can do or see whomever or whatever she wants, without answering to you. It seems to me she might be feeling a bit smothered and told some lies to make it easier on herself than it would be to tell you to back off.
Issue two is whether you and she can have a conversation in which you both get straight what your needs are? I suspect that her abusive parents probably caused her to dissemble, rather than confront. Now that she is a grown up, she should be able to knock that stuff off.
I think the relationship could be saved, if you give her what she wants (freedom) and she gives you what you want (honesty).
I am sorry but this description.... she was dating the other guy "friend". It is not cool for your girlfriend to want to hang out alone with other guys.
You owe her nothing. This is a relatively short relationship and you are entitled to walk away when someone starts lying. This "breaking up face to face" is just manipulative bulldookie. Go dark and move on.
Unless she is a total sociopath, you will be teaching her a valuable life lesson about how to conduct a relationship and she will think twice in future.
Talk to her about your concerns and that her actions are troubling you. If she keeps it up, hit the road. If she's deceitful and you can't trust her, don't waste your time.
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