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I was just reading another thread about a spouse who supposedly had a one-night stand, so now the OP is considering divorce. Rather than derail that thread, or sound insensitive there, I decided to start a new thread.
After everything I went through in my first marriage, I honestly don't understand why a one-night stand is THAT big of a deal. It's not great, I get that, yes it could hurt. But IF the marriage is basically strong, I wouldn't see it as a reason to divorce. I've known people who I believe "used" their spouse's infidelity as a "justification" for a divorce they already wanted anyway, and then it was "Poor me, my spouse cheated on me," and played the sympathy card. Well, what offenses did YOU commit in the marriage?
I honestly think that if the only thing I had to deal with in my first marriage were some one-night stands or some affairs, I would have been a lucky woman. There are far worse things a man can do to his wife (and I'm not even talking about physical abuse).
What's worse? Abuse and neglect (physical or emotional), addictions (drugs/alcohol, gambling), financial irresponsibility, criminal activities, ... A one-off ONS seems far less destructive overall, but it's still harmful - for most people, anyway.
I was just reading another thread about a spouse who supposedly had a one-night stand, so now the OP is considering divorce. Rather than derail that thread, or sound insensitive there, I decided to start a new thread.
After everything I went through in my first marriage, I honestly don't understand why a one-night stand is THAT big of a deal. It's not great, I get that, yes it could hurt. But IF the marriage is basically strong, I wouldn't see it as a reason to divorce. I've known people who I believe "used" their spouse's infidelity as a "justification" for a divorce they already wanted anyway, and then it was "Poor me, my spouse cheated on me," and played the sympathy card. Well, what offenses did YOU commit in the marriage?
I honestly think that if the only thing I had to deal with in my first marriage were some one-night stands or some affairs, I would have been a lucky woman. There are far worse things a man can do to his wife (and I'm not even talking about physical abuse).
I don't think you can compare or quantify pain, just as you cannot compare or quantify love.
I was taken back by the post people made saying that they can marry to somebody they don't love. To me, this is beyond comprehension. But then again, I realize that we are all different individuals. What works for one person is not necessarily works for another. They say life is a journey, we are who we are through experiences.
Some people can forgive their spouse for one night stand, some people cannot. It is what it is.
It's the attitude that comes with adultery (no pun intended), .......that is the worst thing a spouse can do.
I.e., if they're gonna sneak around to have sex, then they'll sneak around with a lot of other things.
So..... if hubby had too much booze and did the one nighter with some drunk chick that he met at the bar, maybe alcohol abuse is the REAL problem......
If I could never trust my partner anymore when he was out of my sight, I can't imagine that would make for a happy or healthy relationship.
IMO, Pretty much this.
Once trust is broken, it is so hard to go back. People make mistakes, yes, but how many yellow lights did someone have before someone actually cheats. It takes ALOT of actions in a series to cheat. And for me, if I had a family with someone and they cheated, I would file for divorce, try to obtain custody of the kids, and try to collect alimony and child support. IMO, I hope that time spend cheating was worth up-teen years of child support and the destroyed lives. It never is worth it. Yet it happens all the time.
I know a women who cheated on her husband. They had 4 very young children. The pain everyone faced afterwards can make an outsider cry, let alone the husband and children. And the messed up thing is, the cheating woman got custody, and about 60% of the guys paycheck. UNREAL.
An affair may be a symptom of a bigger problem, but we don't get to decide for others what's worse than that and thereby excuse it because it's not as bad as some other issues.
I think it is. I would rather be beat than have my husband cheat on me. I could not deal with it. I really think I would have to end the marriage. I could never trust him again and if I tried to make it work, I would make his life such a living hell, that he would probably leave me. I'm not saying I would stay if he beat me. Cheating just really upsets me. I would take my marriage vows VERY seriously if I ever get married. I guess that's why I haven't. Seeing as how I'm older now (just turned 40), maybe I will get married one day. I guess it would be easier for a guy to be faithful for 10 or 20 years as opposed to 40 or 50. I don't plan on 2 weddings. Who does?
Worse? Like give you HIV from cheating on you? Or giving your child he molested HIV from cheating on you?
Seriously...
If you have to pick crap from crap..why pick anything at all...
People are way to obsessed with false love in the name of a silly word that really means nothing to them other than some sort of social prop when convenient.
If you can't be loyal, be honest. Be in an open relationship. Rather simple.
Because open relationships are an accepted lifestyle makes the cheating thing such a BS move to me.
Its not healthy for your mind or body.
Explain to me how a marriage is "strong" if someone is cheating? That just sounds like an oxymoron.
If it was so strong, why is there cheating? Oh yeah...cause it isn't. Its abusive language that cheaters use to make the person cheat on them forgive them.
And what about 1 night stand #2 and so on? When does the forgiveness run out for you?
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.......that is the worst thing a spouse can do.
