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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gary S
Some couples have it much worse - some don't even have sex.
Nobody is perfect. Are you perfect? I think some people get a little too picky. Don't expect your partner to be your entire world.
While one doesn't have to consider their partner to be their entire world for sex, most couples I still think are fairly traditional and want their S/O to be sexually monogamous.
If you're basing your relationship as it seems you are on the quality of sex primarily, then you have lost the proper definition of a relationship.
What about caring for you, respecting you, providing for you? you know the real things good partners do who cares about you?
I used to believe this, until the LTR I had where the sex part dropped off. I now believe regular, satisfying sex is what reinforces that bond a couple needs to make it together through years. IMO not staying lovers was the thing that allowed the foundation to crack...without it, we became roommates, and it was easier for my feelings and bond I felt to lessen and lessen.
If I stayed with one of the men who for whatever reason we just weren't on the same wavelength when it came to sex, something in the compatibility was lacking, it would result in the same decline of feelings eventually. That's my experience, anyway.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by ocnjgirl
I used to believe this, until the LTR I had where the sex part dropped off. I now believe regular, satisfying sex is what reinforces that bond a couple needs to make it together through years. IMO not staying lovers was the thing that allowed the foundation to crack...without it, we became roommates, and it was easier for my feelings and bond I felt to lessen and lessen.
If I stayed with one of the men who for whatever reason we just weren't on the same wavelength when it came to sex, something in the compatibility was lacking, it would result in the same decline of feelings eventually. That's my experience, anyway.
I agree fully. I was engaged to a person where we were best friends, lived together great, similar background and goals (grew up in adjacent towns), complimentary career fields, traveled great together, gardened great together, had amazing conversations, etc.... but the sexual chemistry wasn't there, it was like living with a roommate or my sister, and the bond withered. We could have had a "lovely" non sexual marriage...
While one doesn't have to consider their partner to be their entire world for sex, most couples I still think are fairly traditional and want their S/O to be sexually monogamous.
Absolutely.
I was suggesting that people don't necessarily need a porn-star for a mate.
I used to believe this, until the LTR I had where the sex part dropped off. I now believe regular, satisfying sex is what reinforces that bond a couple needs to make it together through years. IMO not staying lovers was the thing that allowed the foundation to crack...without it, we became roommates, and it was easier for my feelings and bond I felt to lessen and lessen.
If I stayed with one of the men who for whatever reason we just weren't on the same wavelength when it came to sex, something in the compatibility was lacking, it would result in the same decline of feelings eventually. That's my experience, anyway.
Gotcha, sex dropping off completely would be a good case to complain.
I guess different people have different level of sex that they need. Obviously one cannot want it all the time and the other not at all.
Generally men want it more than women (doesn't mean they are good at it).
Some get it once a month, some once a week. Depends when it becomes an issue. For me once a month would be an issue. For men it's generally wham bam, for women ,generally the whole shebang.
You don't hear many women complaining that they don't get enough of it.
I was suggesting that people don't necessarily need a porn-star for a mate.
I don't think anyone is talking about things like that. When I talk about compatibility, I mean the way they touch me, can they tell, can they adjust to what I like? even whether they are self-conscious or free-spirited and playful, these things do make a difference.
One of the guys I ended things with actually got mad at me because I didn't get aroused by him jabbing at me like he was trying to push a stuck vending machine button....when I gave up trying to show him how I liked it, whispering "I like it really soft", even taking his hand and trying to show him, and he still didn't get it and I finally had to just tell him it hurt, he got offended and said "my OLD girlfriend liked it that way!" implying something was wrong with me because I didn't. He would try to adjust, but kept forgetting and going back to his old way, and I got more and more frustrated and him more and more offended and hurt.
When the chemistry is there, it comes together even as you get to know each others likes and dislikes, when it doesn't it can be like butting heads, we just don't fit...I don't think that a relationship that has poor physical chemistry like that can succeed long term.
Gotcha, sex dropping off completely would be a good case to complain.
I guess different people have different level of sex that they need. Obviously one cannot want it all the time and the other not at all.
Generally men want it more than women (doesn't mean they are good at it).
Some get it once a month, some once a week. Depends when it becomes an issue. For me once a month would be an issue. For men it's generally wham bam, for women ,generally the whole shebang.
You don't hear many women complaining that they don't get enough of it.
My mindset is 'the more the better'
It's all tied together though. Compatibility is part of what makes two people keep sex up. Over a 20 year marriage, no one is going to want to have sex all the time, especially as we get older...it's something you have to do anyway, want to or not, but if you were never that happy with your partner as a lover, if you never felt truly satisfied with them, it stands to reason the frequency and desire is going to decline.
You still need that natural chemistry to exist. It seems people feel it's not as important as mental chemistry, that it can be worked around if you like each other and it doesn't really matter, but that's not true for me.
I have a better one...my ex LTR when giving me oral once, stopped and looked up and said "How long do I have to do this? My neck hurts". Ummm, you might as well stop now.
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