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Nope. You're under the impression they're exclusive, OP stated they're not.
OP - this is exactly what you signed up for. What did you expect out of an open relationship?
She owes you absolutely nothing, because you agreed you weren't worth setting terms for.
Stop fooling yourself. If you want to be a priority, then you need to renegotiate the relationship. Pretending someone is your GF and making extravagant plans for them, is kind of foolish in my view.
I made a mistake and read a text message on a girl I have been seeing for three years, phone. We had made plans to spend the evening together at a hotel that night. Dinner, dancing, etc. While out that night, she asked me to use her phone to call a cab. I got nosy and looked at the text message screen while on hold. I came across a text message from her, to another guy. She sent it 3 hours after we had made plans, asking another guy to hang out that same night. I was VERY upset, still am. She says, she did nothing wrong because the other guy didn't respond and she didn't cancel on me....and that I am the only one at fault here, for being nosy. I feel like it WAS a mistake to look at the message, however am still very hurt that she was TRYING to stand me up. Am I wrong for being upset????
You're not in the wrong, she's seeing other options so screw her. Those 3 years meant nothing to her then.
Question..... Would she find anything equally as offensive, if she looked at your phone? I'm assuming that you didn't try to make other plans with someone, after making them with her...but ever anything similar, that she wouldn't approve of?
On the direct matter at hand.... yeah, you probably shouldn't have snooped on her phone, especially since you two are not in an exclusive relationship. I'll tell ya though..you can't unsee what you've already seen and that was a sh*tty thing for her to do! Good grief, who DOES something like that? You make a date (a fancy one at that) with someone, then you try to set up a date with someone else! Good grief!
I made a mistake and read a text message on a girl I have been seeing for three years, phone. We had made plans to spend the evening together at a hotel that night. Dinner, dancing, etc. While out that night, she asked me to use her phone to call a cab. I got nosy and looked at the text message screen while on hold. I came across a text message from her, to another guy. She sent it 3 hours after we had made plans, asking another guy to hang out that same night. I was VERY upset, still am. She says, she did nothing wrong because the other guy didn't respond and she didn't cancel on me....and that I am the only one at fault here, for being nosy. I feel like it WAS a mistake to look at the message, however am still very hurt that she was TRYING to stand me up. Am I wrong for being upset????
Nope. You're under the impression they're exclusive, OP stated they're not.
OP - this is exactly what you signed up for. What did you expect out of an open relationship?
She owes you absolutely nothing, because you agreed you weren't worth setting terms for.
Stop fooling yourself. If you want to be a priority, then you need to renegotiate the relationship. Pretending someone is your GF and making extravagant plans for them, is kind of foolish in my view.
The OP made the post where he clarified their relationship as "open" as I was writing my post, so I had no way of knowing.
However, even not being exclusive, she's still a B in my book for making such elaborate plans with the OP, then actively seeking out a way to break them and get with another guy. Nothing wrong with her dating around in this situation, but she should have tried to line this other dude up for the next night when she didn't have plans.
And my advice still stands. Either get rid of her completely, or stay in this "open" relationship and give her nothing but sex -- and only on the nights you don't have other chicks lined up.
All great advice. Thank you. I guess I just needed affirmation that I am not the only A-hole in the equation. We do have an 'open' relationship at this point....I guess I was just upset that she, after three years...thought so little of me and our plans that she would try to find a better plan 'a'.
This tells you a lot about where you stand with her.
Originally Posted by stwdar87 View Post
All great advice. Thank you. I guess I just needed affirmation that I am not the only A-hole in the equation. We do have an 'open' relationship at this point....I guess I was just upset that she, after three years...thought so little of me and our plans that she would try to find a better plan 'a'.
I personally feel this is an assumption too...maybe she texted the other guy in case you bugged out? Once again, you're not exclusive -- could she have felt you might not actually go, and she really wanted to go out for her own reasons? (I have had bad days I don't like to remember, say, the anniversary of someone's death when I absolutely knew I didn't want to be at home stewing, a dramatic example but the first one that came to mind.)
She knows you could be setting up other dates too.
You're making a lot of assumptions. You're very hurt but you don't know you're correct on all of these assumptions.
Bottom line: if you don't want to date other people and don't want her to, you really should talk to her about that.
You have an open relationship. This is just a case of you thinking you were up higher in the pecking order. Your not. When seeing a bunch of people this is bound to happen here and there.
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