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I literally just tried to post this and of course ... it errored out and I lost it! ugh!
As some of you may know from previous posts, Im a single mom and have been dating a bit.
The guy Im dating lives about an hour away. He is relocating to this area for work in a short period of time (so its a nonissue.)
Usually, we get together when Im back that way visiting my parents. Ill text him and say something like "Im going to be in the area this weekend ... how does dinner sound?" He'll take it from there and suggest a place, specific day, etc. Hes come out this way before, but Ive had to say to him "Im kid free .... why dont you come out and we can have dinner"
The thing is ... call me old fashion ... but Im just dying for him to pick up the phone and call (or even text me) out of the blue and ask me out ...
I dont think this is an interest level thing, but more of a "you have kids and yoru schedules hectic" type of thing.
So heres the kicker ... in a few weeks my kids are going with their dad on a trip (for 11 days) and Id really like to let him know this, so that he can ask me out himself.
I am clueless ... Im just getting back into dating and such ...
So, what can I say that lets him know that Im free ... and he needs to take some initiative?!
Well, text him and say "Hey, my kids will be out of town for 11 days, from X to Y. If you want to yadda yadda yadda. If you want to get something together, give me a call. My number is 867-5309"
I'm not sure why it is so important to you that he takes the initiative. It sounds like what you guys have been doing is working, so you shouldn't try to fix it. Just text him and let him know that the kids will be with their dad for 11 days and ask him if he wants to get together.
I think you just have to take a risk and be a little more forward in this situation. I was dating a single mother one time and I had the exact same issue. I didn't feel like I could be spontaneous because I didn't want to be shot down over and over because she has her kids. Then one time she texted me and said she wanted to go away for the weekend. I took it from there.
IMO, and this is nothing personal, but as a single mother, I think it's a good idea to take your concept of traditional dating/courting and throw it out the window.
I have a couple single parent mothers that are friends. They are really busy, and a lot of the time, when I text/call/want to hang out with them, they are busy. But then, I get a no warning, unplanned text, "hey, what are you doing tonight?"
That means I have to jump up and take the opportunity to hang out, or else I miss out till the 'next text'.
And usually, they plan the event. Not that I wouldnt, but they already KNOW what they want to do. And THEY make it happen.
One time I dated a single mother and I planned the dates, but it was work to schedule things, and the situation kinda faded. I never found out why, but apparently the connection wasn't enough.
As a guy who isn't a parent, The world of being a parent is kind of clueless to me. Sometimes, if you want the guy, you are just going to have to persue him. Just make sure you don't ALWAYS he the one persueing. More than anything, if you arent feeling reciprocated, then let him go. Your time is valuable, and if this guy isnt making an effort for you, date someone else who will.
I've been doing all the inviting up until now... so how is this holding me back? Or more importantly how can I fix it?
I don't see anything wrong you wanting him to take some initiative. I understand your a single mom but he still can contact you to see if your available. It's not like your Oprah. I'm sure you can come up with a good time together.
It would be different if you had never taken any initiative. At the same time I don't think it's bad for you to reach out either.
Why not just text him and say, "My kids will be with their dad for 11 days, starting on April 28th (or whenever), any thoughts?"
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