Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I'm not entirely opposed to drawing that conclusion
Well that's another reason I quit online dating.
You can have a perfectly normal chick, have her join online dating, and -- if she doesn't quit within a week out of sheer horror -- suddenly she thinks she's the Queen of Sheba for getting all these messages.
And with online dating becoming more popular, this narcissism epidemic is going to get worse before it gets better.
It reminds me of the way porn affects men. Actual human relationships become less about companionship and long-term needs, and become mainly something that provides instant gratification for our 'wants'. Many women don't actually want flesh-and-blood men, they want abstract ideas like male attention and male validation that they're sexually attractive.
I haven't done much online dating so the CDR experts can help me out.
On dating sites I have encountered users create profiles. These profiles contain a wealth of information about the user. Much more information than would be available if two people met offline.
When I meet someone offline, I typically start with a short sentence "Hi. How are you?" or a comment about whatever is going on rather than a 5 minute monologue.
So, even with a short email, doesn't one get more information about a person than they would meeting in person?
I haven't done much online dating so the CDR experts can help me out.
On dating sites I have encountered users create profiles. These profiles contain a wealth of information about the user. Much more information than would be available if two people met offline.
When I meet someone offline, I typically start with a short sentence "Hi. How are you?" or a comment about whatever is going on rather than a 5 minute monologue.
So, even with a short email, doesn't one get more information about a person than they would meeting in person?
correct.
the whole thing about "Sending a message so I can get to know you" is a farce. Your profile contains copious amounts of information about you, and if they wanted to know more , they have every opportunity to ask.
Here's what it REALLY is: These girls don't want to seem cheap and easy. They want to be deliberately inaccessible. They want you to know you treat them as special, that you sat down and wrote THEM a unique personal message because they were WORTH IT. They want to see some investment on your part.
I just got my second introductory email (both were from different guys) that said basically "Hi. I don't like to exchange a lot of emails. Here's my number."
Does this approach work for them, like, ever? It totally misses the point of Internet dating - you get to establish a certain level of compatibility before handing out personal information. And why would I bother to call a guy who can't even take the time to email me a couple of sentences about himself or ask me a question or two about who I am? I mean, I get frustrated by endless email exchange too, but these guys might as well be openly saying "I'm a narcissist who doesn't want to put in any effort."
For some reason these types of emails offend me, where other approaches don't (except for the guy who went on about his Christian beliefs while anticipating us becoming lovers in his first email to me). But I guess I should be grateful that their dysfunction is openly displayed - kind of like those poisonous frogs with the bright colors.
Any other women or guys on here get similar emails?
One of my friends (guy) uses the bolded line on the 2nd or 3rd message often.
He says most of the time it isn't a problem, and the woman usually exchanges phone numbers.
My friend is considered extremely attractive to women, so I personally believe there is a correlation there.
I'm sure the technique doesnt work 100% of the time, but this friend has probably met over 100 women online dating. We can conclude that dating is easy for him. And the women he dates are typcially successful, attractive, intelligent woman.
I usually reply that I would prefer meeting face to face. I don't like emails especially phone calls. I also prefer meeting in person ASAP. Either that or IMs. But definitely meet right away. I don't want to waste each other's time. Face to face meet is best way for me.
Face to face just seems like a waste of time to me unless I've established that we even have a chance at something. Against my better judgment I went out with a guy within 24 hours of establishing contact just because I had the free time right then and was going to be busy for the rest of the week. It was an EXCRUCIATING date that I never would have gone on (dude was still married AND living with his wife as "housemates," for one thing) if I had been a little more careful and sent an email or two more asking specific questions. True, I would likely not have discovered his horrific table manners (and coming from someone as casual as me, that's saying a lot - but he picked his teeth at the table with a safety pin!), but I would probably have figured out that he had no social skills whatsoever. That's normally not something I care too much about, but this dude's lacking was pretty extreme. At least it makes a good story, I guess as I've had my friends laugh til they cried over this guy's utter inappropriateness.
Honestly - and I'm not saying you are one of these people! - I think a lot of guys push for quick meetings because they know they can't maintain the facade of functionality for long, so they want to get their foot in the door as quickly as possible.
I have a pretty busy life - if a few minutes composing an email means I don't waste a couple hours (getting ready for and then going on the date) of my time on a guy who is just wrong for me, that's pretty significant. I rarely have dates I don't enjoy, and I believe it's because I take a little time to be selective and to ask relevant questions, without turning things into a drawn-out interrogation. Even if there's no romantic connection on the date, we almost always have a pleasant time.
the whole thing about "Sending a message so I can get to know you" is a farce. Your profile contains copious amounts of information about you, and if they wanted to know more , they have every opportunity to ask.
Here's what it REALLY is: These girls don't want to seem cheap and easy. They want to be deliberately inaccessible. They want you to know you treat them as special, that you sat down and wrote THEM a unique personal message because they were WORTH IT. They want to see some investment on your part.
You're right. I do want a unique personal message. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting that. I don't expect an essay, but a few sentences is definitely not too much of an investment to ask for. It can't take more than ten minutes to read a profile and put together a short e-mail. If a guy isn't willing to invest even ten minutes to write to me, then why should I bother to write back or give him a call? Being a woman online is not the cake walk some of you men seem to think it is. There may be a few women out there who have unreasonable expectations or who go online for an ego boost, but a lot of women try it out with the hope of meeting someone compatible for a long term relationship. There are obstacles for both men and women when it comes to online dating. I wouldn't see writing 4 or 5 personalized sentences as too much of an investment if I was really looking to meet a quality person. But I guess if you just want to hook up without making much effort then sure, the one sentence call me message works just fine. Just don't expect a response from any quality women.
I just got my second introductory email (both were from different guys) that said basically "Hi. I don't like to exchange a lot of emails. Here's my number."
Does this approach work for them, like, ever? It totally misses the point of Internet dating - you get to establish a certain level of compatibility before handing out personal information. And why would I bother to call a guy who can't even take the time to email me a couple of sentences about himself or ask me a question or two about who I am? I mean, I get frustrated by endless email exchange too, but these guys might as well be openly saying "I'm a narcissist who doesn't want to put in any effort."
For some reason these types of emails offend me, where other approaches don't (except for the guy who went on about his Christian beliefs while anticipating us becoming lovers in his first email to me). But I guess I should be grateful that their dysfunction is openly displayed - kind of like those poisonous frogs with the bright colors.
Any other women or guys on here get similar emails?
I'm with you on this one!!!
Everyone I know has a smart phone. So emailing is not like I have to get home, turn on my computer, log in, respond la da da da!!!
Today it's as easy as texting.
Plus....you learn a lot about people too. If they give you two word answers or you don't hear from them in days even though....yeah they read the emails, just didn't want to take the time email back. Like, "busy...talk to ya soon."
I've tried this. Seriously, it works just as well as treating people like human beings. I don't know what to make of that.
Yeah, and this is why i quit online dating. You need to write dozens of people if you want to procure dates, and I just don't have the time to write that much.
I submit that quality men are self-selecting themselves out of this process, because no guy with a healthy sense of self-worth is going to put himself through all that bullsh*t just to land a date with some chick he doesn't know, who is being chased by 2 dozen other dudes.
For a while I thought it was just me, maybe I'm one incredibly ugly sonofabitch .... but my roomate is a much better looking guy than me, and he says the same thing. There are much easier ways to meet women.
And this is where I got off the ride. I had more self respect for myself to stop chasing after women who had so many guys chasing after them anyways. They didn't want to be found by a guy like me, so why keep putting forth the effort. Once I realized that, the desire to login became less and less.
I just started moving that focus into real life and it worked out better for me in the long run.
Face to face just seems like a waste of time to me unless I've established that we even have a chance at something. Against my better judgment I went out with a guy within 24 hours of establishing contact just because I had the free time right then and was going to be busy for the rest of the week. It was an EXCRUCIATING date that I never would have gone on (dude was still married AND living with his wife as "housemates," for one thing) if I had been a little more careful and sent an email or two more asking specific questions. True, I would likely not have discovered his horrific table manners (and coming from someone as casual as me, that's saying a lot - but he picked his teeth at the table with a safety pin!), but I would probably have figured out that he had no social skills whatsoever. That's normally not something I care too much about, but this dude's lacking was pretty extreme. At least it makes a good story, I guess as I've had my friends laugh til they cried over this guy's utter inappropriateness.
Honestly - and I'm not saying you are one of these people! - I think a lot of guys push for quick meetings because they know they can't maintain the facade of functionality for long, so they want to get their foot in the door as quickly as possible.
I have a pretty busy life - if a few minutes composing an email means I don't waste a couple hours (getting ready for and then going on the date) of my time on a guy who is just wrong for me, that's pretty significant. I rarely have dates I don't enjoy, and I believe it's because I take a little time to be selective and to ask relevant questions, without turning things into a drawn-out interrogation. Even if there's no romantic connection on the date, we almost always have a pleasant time.
It makes perfect sense for us to get a foot in the door quickly. Look at how many people have done "test" and "studies" with online dating by comparing women responses to men. The middle of the road woman will still likely receive more messages than a highly attractive male. If you can't manage to meet in a week, then you feel that the woman has a guy or two that she's talking to on the side. I had my options open when I was online dating, but I never had more than 2-3 girls that I was talking to at one time. One I may had went out with and friendzoned, and the other two I was talking too, but with no guarantee that we would ever meet up.
Women, have the power to say where can we meet and when. I'm not saying the guy is going to be of any quality, but women can definitely fill up a week of dates if quantity was the answer. I also believe, women become hurt easier from online dating than men. I've ran across profiles where the woman has posted that she's "Done with this site and need to delete my profile ASAP," yet continues to login each day. Women are just as frustrated as the men. The reality is that online dating can easily be compared to the dog that is taken out to pasture to be shot.
After a certain age, if you haven't been married or have any kids, or a bunch of kids, people will wonder about why you're still single. They'll also ponder your decision making. Online is the quickest way to write someone off, even if there's absolutely nothing wrong with them. Online still has the stigma of where people go to die. If they guy has a chipped nail he can be written off. If the woman is a fan of the wrong team, she can be written off. For an option that has the most options available to you, no tends to want to take a chance with those options.
The wheel is broken with online dating and it needs to be repaired in my book.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
