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Mixed emotions - sometimes she is great, at other times she addresses me in a condescending tone that I do not like, sometimes she nags about various things - an attribute I have been trying to avoid in a future partner. I know it's simple things but I don't feel good about it - for instance, I may ask her a question that she may have given me an answer a few hours earlier, but perhaps I forgot or something but instead of just telling me again she would go on a rant about how she is repeating herself and I am not listening to her etc. etc. etc. etc. and it really tires me out...
Say you and your significant other have been together for a year and a half. You are buying a new car and you love to drive manual transmissions so you have your eyes on a 6 speed sports car and are thinking of buying it. Your girlfriend objects because she cannot drive a stick shift and says you have to make decisions thinking about the future - i.e. marrying her and having kids at some point in the near future etc. What would you make of this situation? A delusional controlling girlfriend? or someone who has a rational argument?
Would you accept such a compromise even if you weren't currently married or had any kids?
Am I missing something? It takes like a day to learn how to drive a stick shift.
Another thing is that I have a lot of money saved up and she has no money saved up but she has an expectation that I will use the money that I have saved up until now to pay for a $20,000-30,000 wedding and a honeymoon after that and also a downpayment on a house. On the other hand I want to get married in a courthouse for under $1000 and have maybe a $2000 max honeymoon...I don't believe in expensive showoff weddings etc. I have thus far kept quiet about all of this but I think it's time to communicate this but I feel that she will think I am a cheapskate.
Ohhhhkay. Wait. So you already know that you are looking for different things (and I'm guessing that this doesn't just stop at divergent tastes on the type of wedding one would want). Why would you keep quiet when you KNOW there is a discrepancy in expectations, and you know that she DOESN'T know that this discrepancy exists? What is to be gained by keeping mum when you know this is a huge disconnect?
Mixed emotions - sometimes she is great, at other times she addresses me in a condescending tone that I do not like, sometimes she nags about various things - an attribute I have been trying to avoid in a future partner. I know it's simple things but I don't feel good about it - for instance, I may ask her a question that she may have given me an answer a few hours earlier, but perhaps I forgot or something but instead of just telling me again she would go on a rant about how she is repeating herself and I am not listening to her etc. etc. etc. etc. and it really tires me out...
Dude. You're 39. You should know your mind about this by now.
I have offered to teach her she is not that interested. I taught her once, she learned a little but she doesn't seem too interested.
Her problem then. I would not give into her on this one...if she isn't interested in learning, then she needs to deal with the fact that she won't be able to drive your car.
Ohhhhkay. Wait. So you already know that you are looking for different things (and I'm guessing that this doesn't just stop at divergent tastes on the type of wedding one would want). Why would you keep quiet when you KNOW there is a discrepancy in expectations, and you know that she DOESN'T know that this discrepancy exists? What is to be gained by keeping mum when you know this is a huge disconnect?
it doesn't matter... I have not promised her a $30,000 wedding so if she is assuming that I am going to pitch in for that she is up for a big surprise. If she wanted a $30,000 wedding she should've made that clear from the beginning. I am assuming she is ok with whatever I choose, it seems like that anyway. Spending big bucks on a wedding for a single day is not my idea of a wise financial expenditure, i'm not into all these types of things unless I had loads of cash, then it would be ok but I have limited resources and would like to spend that on myself and of course my future kids and family priorities as well.
She has not explicitly stated that she wants a particular kind of wedding - simply that her friends have had that kind of wedding and that kind of ring etc. etc. Her close friend's fiance is close to broke but he spent all his life savings buying his wife a $15,000 ring, I told my GF that he is an idiot. Well, we disagree on these types of things. If this guy had a million dollars and then bought her a $15k ring I could understand, but someone who has to scrape up his last dollars to buy a ring or spend it on a 1-day wedding? Give me a break! Horribly irresponsible financial behavior.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mel2882
Her problem then. I would not give into her on this one...if she isn't interested in learning, then she needs to deal with the fact that she won't be able to drive your car.
I am assuming she is ok with whatever I choose, it seems like that anyway.
How so? Didn't you say a big, fancy wedding was her expectation? Either way there are communication issues here. I'm not even sure why you're with her when you only have negative things to write about her.
How so? Didn't you say a big, fancy wedding was her expectation? Either way there are communication issues here. I'm not even sure why you're with her when you only have negative things to write about her.
No, it seems that way because here I am communicating only the negative parts. Obviously there are a host of other positives in our relationship otherwise we would not be together. She is definitely a very good person in terms of character and genuineness, she does a lot for me so she is definitely not a user, but may have different financial behavior/expectations which are much different from mine. Note, that I am not some kind of miser - I spend a lot of my money on our relationship, I take her out, take her on small vacations here and there absorbing 100% of the cost, since we started dating my monthly costs have gone up quite sharply due to our expenditures - normally I am quite frugal, but I do not mind spending on us.
But I am not prepared to spend tens of thousands just to get married...especially since she cannot contribute anything saved from her side she has to be willing to compromise on a very small wedding, isn't this fair?
Just realized this thread has gone way off topic LOL!!
Last edited by ducviloxi; 05-07-2013 at 11:21 PM..
It sounds like this relationship is a slowly unfolding disaster to be. There is a LOT more at issue here than a car purchase decision. You are fundamentally at odds over finances, and priorities. Good luck, and I hope you make the right decision for both of you.
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