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Find her
Follow her
Flirt with her
F*ck her
Forget her
*sigh* .. i'm such a romantic.
Baldrick .
My Marriage:
WOW
Second date a whole weekend at my apartment.
Move in together after two months.
Married 7 months later.
Madly in love for 18 years.
19th year manopause.
Trouble, first separation.
Bach together a little damaged.
22nd year the evil twin surfaces.
Separation with intent to divorce.
Deeply depressed because I was still in love with the man I married but living with a stranger.
The evil one finally goes away and my knight in shining armor returns.
Madly in love again.
His last day of work today
Praying I don't end up on the evening news after adjusting to living together 24/7.
The adventure continues. I'll keep you posted.
(The sex is still great btw.)
These are the basic phases leading to a committed relationship, IMO. I think people should keep these in mind when it comes to their timing on sex, marriage, big joint decisions (ie. buying a home), etc, if a committed, long-term relationship is what they want.
Infatuation - This is important when getting to know someone, because it motivates you to give them a chance. The emotions & chemical reactions firing off in your brain help ease the awkwardness of adapting to someone else, which you inevitably have to do in a relationship. It's a bit of a high to make the awkwardness of a new person exciting instead of just, well, awkward & uncomfortable. Supposedly, this can last anywhere from a few weeks to about 2 years.
Disillusionment - Infatuation wears off. Many break-up here. After the initial high is gone, there is little basis left for a relationship & they can even begin to dislike/resent someone. The cute quirks are now annoying, the little red flags are major deal-breakers, and the potential seems to have entirely disappeared. Unfortunately, many commit during the initial infatuation stage & find themselves stuck with someone not well-suited to them who they are no longer passionate about. But it's not all bad - it can also mean you come to see & appreciate someone for who they really are, not just the emotional & physical high they've given you.
Negotiation - If after some disillusionment, you still see potential or have even begun to build a foundation for in-depth lasting feelings & not just an emotional high, then you begin to negotiate. You do this within yourself & with the other person. You consider what you are willing to do to make it work & what you need from them. If you both come to satisfactory terms, then the relationship continues. People often break up here too - they don't agree on what they want. Often people see this as the commitment stage, but it's not solidified until there is evidence the negotiation will work.
Creation - You create a unit, a team of sorts. You come together to produce something new, either literally or metaphorically. This is evidence of having merged - you share a life. Many try to rush this by having a baby or buying a home or something like that, but before they've negotiated or even in the infatuation stage.
Comfort - You are secure in the relationship, so while being merged, you are comfortable being individuals too. You may spend healthy time apart pursuing individual projects & goals. This is a time when people can grow apart if not careful. The relationship & commitment is just a name than a real dynamic. However, it also shows you both feel a real sense of commitment if you're comfortable.
So these are not linear phases, nor is there a set order, and several can occur at once or overlap. People also start at different phases, move in random orders, and re-visit different stages later on again. It's not unusual for a committed couple to revisit infatuation over the course of their relationship, or a couple who has grown apart to revisit negotiation to see if they can work it out. The main point is these phases are generally covered at some point before you reach a real commitment, and it helps you to navigate what is going on if you see them happening.
Comfort - You are secure in the relationship, so while being merged, you are comfortable being individuals too. You may spend healthy time apart pursuing individual projects & goals. This is a time when people can grow apart if not careful. The relationship & commitment is just a name than a real dynamic. However, it also shows you both feel a real sense of commitment if you're comfortable.
i will freely admit that i am a little old-school here, but my ideal preference (for me in my own personal case; i'm not judging anyone else negatively here if they believe differently of course) is:
1. Dating
2. Long-term style relationship only (a.k.a. Courtship)
3. Engagement
4. Marriage
5. Physical intimacy
6. Children
this!
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