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OP, a lot of society equates value as a person to being in a relationship and having a partner.
Honestly, IMO, you even dating right now considering it has been less than three months out of a 7 year is a disservice to the guys you are casually seeing.
There is no way you are over your ex, even if you made up your mind that the relationship is over. There is a difference.
honestly, this OP sounds like a jaded person, and taking a year to yourself to find yourself would not be a bad idea. if you really have to scratch that itch, then have a ONS every now and then, or arrange a FWB or something. But if you are 'dating', the guys dating you may get the idea you are looking for a relationship, or hope you want a relationship. You aren't.
The guy im dating knows exactly where i stand and he knows about this even before going on our first date. He just got of a LTR too and does not want to get into something serious either. I even talk about my ex with this guy, and he gives excellent advice. Its obvious im not over my ex, and it will be a long time till i completely am. And the guy im seeing knows. And he wants exactly the same i want out of this relationship. Theres no conflict of interests and no problem. If i meet another guy and decide to go out with him too, ill tell him all beforehand.
Im not playing with anyone, im being honest, like i have always been. I have no interest in playing with people, the only thing i do want, its to try to spend this time with myself, as happy as i can.
Just out of curiosity......how are you casually "dating" this man, if you don't really have dates and discuss your XBF constantly? That sounded bad. I'm not being mean, I'm asking. Because he sounds like a friend that you need, than a "date". Unless you're sleeping with them, then it's just a FWB situation. I guess to me, casually dating means someone I can call when I get lonely and want a man to pay attention to me, or I want sex (but that's me, I'm trying to understand what it means to you).
IMHO......I would probably advise you to not date (at all) and just learn how to be alone, with yourself. That is not saying don't go out, don't flirt, don't have fun. It means, go home alone, spend time alone. I'm amazed at how many people can't truly be alone with themselves (that would be my XH. He's alone for the first time in his 43 years of life and still goes home to see his parents every weekend because he can't be alone for a full 24 hours).
I will also say, this alone time, doesn't have to be a year or more. It just has to be long enough where a man is not part of your life in anyway. And you get comfortable in your own skin again. Does that make sense? I am only suggesting this because you haven't been alone yet, easier to get it done when you're younger.
Just out of curiosity......how are you casually "dating" this man, if you don't really have dates and discuss your XBF constantly? That sounded bad. I'm not being mean, I'm asking. Because he sounds like a friend that you need, than a "date". Unless you're sleeping with them, then it's just a FWB situation. I guess to me, casually dating means someone I can call when I get lonely and want a man to pay attention to me, or I want sex (but that's me, I'm trying to understand what it means to you).
IMHO......I would probably advise you to not date (at all) and just learn how to be alone, with yourself. That is not saying don't go out, don't flirt, don't have fun. It means, go home alone, spend time alone. I'm amazed at how many people can't truly be alone with themselves (that would be my XH. He's alone for the first time in his 43 years of life and still goes home to see his parents every weekend because he can't be alone for a full 24 hours).
I will also say, this alone time, doesn't have to be a year or more. It just has to be long enough where a man is not part of your life in anyway. And you get comfortable in your own skin again. Does that make sense? I am only suggesting this because you haven't been alone yet, easier to get it done when you're younger.
I totally agree with this. It's amazing how many people have tunnel vision from not ever being by themselves for awhile.
Do you think its okay if a woman wants to be alone or not seriously involved with someone after being 12 years straight in LTR at the age of 30??
You should listen to yourself. You can live alone some days, monthes, even years. "And love suddenly comes to you..." when you will be ready. Don't force yourself to love anybody just to be not alone.
Just out of curiosity......how are you casually "dating" this man, if you don't really have dates and discuss your XBF constantly? That sounded bad. I'm not being mean, I'm asking. Because he sounds like a friend that you need, than a "date". Unless you're sleeping with them, then it's just a FWB situation. I guess to me, casually dating means someone I can call when I get lonely and want a man to pay attention to me, or I want sex (but that's me, I'm trying to understand what it means to you).
I think your post offered great advice. thanks. Now, about your question: well, its not a friend certainly. We see eachother once or twice a week, we sleep together, kiss, etc, and we talk everyday (we chat via facebook 3 hours a day, we send eachother sms, etc), we call eachother "honey" or "my love" (in spanish this is normal) we have said "i love you" (or te quiero in spanish wich doesnt mean im in love with you but that you care deeply about the other person).
Its far more intense than i would want for this situation and i have found myself on the verge of falling in love with him but im refraining. I was successful, if i dont allow myself to fall in love, it wont happen. Because in the end i only see him once a week (sometimes twice but mostly once) and i carry on with my life the rest of the time. I DO want my freedom more than anything. This guy was/is....something very unexpected. Im managing it though.I think im doing ok. Im controlling it.
Of course i dont say this, but is it too weird to WANT to be alone? My LTR has been over only for 2 months, and i intend to stay this way a much longer time. Why does people dont get when someone does not wanna get involved in a serious relationship?? Specially when my biggest mistake, imo, was jumping from one LTR to other LTR without giving MYSELF the time. Im sure my second LTR would have turned out much better if i would have given myself that time 7 years ago. But, oh well....
Do you think its okay if a woman wants to be alone or not seriously involved with someone after being 12 years straight in LTR at the age of 30??
How much time is ok?
why do people does not seem to understand this?
It sounds like you know what is best for yourself, and honestly, I think you're very smart about it. If I were you, I would not listen to what other people say. I wouldn't even be dating at all.
Not only is it perfectly okay for a woman to want to be alone--at any time--if you're hoping to have another relationship one day, it's pretty much essential for you to be alone now, after the end of a long one. You need to heal, as well as learn what you are capable of and what you enjoy for yourself. It's extremely difficult to give of yourself in a healthy relationship when you haven't had much time to step back from the last one and learn from it objectively, including what you did wrong in the relationship, yourself. This is a time in your life when you'll probably discover a lot of things about yourself. Give yourself that chance.
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. Now, about your question: well, its not a friend certainly. We see eachother once or twice a week, we sleep together, kiss, etc, and we talk everyday (we chat via facebook 3 hours a day, we send eachother sms, etc), we call eachother "honey" or "my love" (in spanish this is normal) we have said "i love you" (or te quiero in spanish wich doesnt mean im in love with you but that you care deeply about the other person).
