Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
My wife decided to end things last night, when I got home her car was packed and our rings were on the table. Things had been bad for years now, but I wasn't expecting her to leave right away. I'm 35, we had been married for 12 years, we got married young, i know. the first 6 years were wonderful, then we seemed to grow apart. Despite my best efforts and even counseling, it was not to be. So much to deal with now, we have to sell our house, divide up assets, figure out where to live, etc.. but more than anything it's the emotional hurt right now. I feel like my heart has been ripped out and I'm wondering how long until it gets better, if ever??
Sorry to hear this. You really can't put a timeline on how long it will take to recover. I would suggest you do not allow yourself to go into self-destruct mode. As you're muddling your way through this painful process, try to be productive. Exercise, go to the gym, spend time with friends (this is really important), and stay active. Don't try to find comfort in a bottle or some other destructive form of coping.
My other suggestion would be to eliminate all memories of her around the home, whether you stay there or move into another apartment. No photos, momentos or constant reminders of her. Don't torture yourself with memories of when things were great between you. Those days are over, it's time to look ahead. Gradually, you're life will get better, but you have to work at it.
OUCH! No kids I hope as that will make things easier.
My ex also ended our 8 year relationship (6+ married). I could really see it coming in the last 10 days but I got a strong hint that it might about a month before that.
Continue living your life and be optimistic on your future. She likely wouldn't mind you being miserable so don't let her win.
Aww sorry OP Im going through a divorce now.
Separation hurts the most. Time heals. Hope u can come through this a much stronger person
Part of me feels she may just be mad and may change her mind
I'm sorry to hear that. Get in contact with a good lawyer and they'll help you get through this one step at a time.
Actually I would recommend to avoid that if possible. However if she is unreasonable the OP may have to do just that. Getting a divorce doesn't automatically mean you have to get one. I didn't. Our divorce cost about a hundred dollars but I took a big financial hit in the end. I spoke with 3 lawyers about my situation and all 3 told me it would be cheaper and quicker to swallow the 2.5K loss.
My wife decided to end things last night, when I got home her car was packed and our rings were on the table. Things had been bad for years now, but I wasn't expecting her to leave right away. I'm 35, we had been married for 12 years, we got married young, i know. the first 6 years were wonderful, then we seemed to grow apart. Despite my best efforts and even counseling, it was not to be. So much to deal with now, we have to sell our house, divide up assets, figure out where to live, etc.. but more than anything it's the emotional hurt right now. I feel like my heart has been ripped out and I'm wondering how long until it gets better, if ever??
It gets better, if you let it, okay?
I am sorry for all the pain you are in
Please realize, this all just happened like 5 minutes ago!
All you have to do is remember to breathe right now.
Don't get too far ahead of yourself and overwhelm yourself with all the details of deconstructing your marriage.
There is plenty of time for figuring all the details out.
Take a day or two to sleep, eat well, cry it out, talk to someone close who can support you first.
I hate to hear of anyone going through this. Find a good friend to help you by listening. I like the advice of trying to work through a divorce sans lawyers, but the minute she gets one might be when I'd decide to get one to. With that said, if there are no kids, I don't see why the need for a lawyer. In time I hope you can deal with this, learn from it and move in.
Ouch. So sorry to hear this, OP. My divorce was very painful. I wanted to work things out, but he did not and at the end of the day, you can't force someone to want to be with you. Let her go. It took me a long time to accept he was really gone. I kept hoping he would change his mind. He didn't. Cool gave you some great advice. Keep your life going. I'll be honest - some mornings I cried on the floor of the bathroom, but I always got up and went to work. Some days I had to leave my desk and go cry randomly in the middle of the day, but I kept it to a minimum. I always went to work and did my job. I went out with friends and family and I never ever gave in to the temptation to stay home in bed and feel sorry for myself. At least if I felt depressed and sorry for myself, I was still out living my life.
The best thing I can tell you is this - you'll be okay. I've been there. You may feel hopeless and heartbroken, but you won't feel that way forever. I always use the flu analogy. When you have the flu you lay there feeling awful, but you know logically it will pass and you'll feel better again. Time really does heal all wounds.
And I disagree about not getting a lawyer. If nothing else, just go for a consult so you can tell him or her the situation and get an idea what to expect. You hope things don't get nasty, but as much as people hope they won't, sometimes they do. Better to be prepared.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
