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Your posts don't need more details. They need to be in chronological order.
Also, a large part of what keeps us from understanding your situation is that you started at the end. "She broke up with me..."
We aren't really interested in the h*ll you're in as you navigate a break-up. We've all been there, and yours sounds very typical.
The problem lies in what happened that caused her to end the relationship. Whatever it was, it was bad enough that she wanted to be DONE with you.
So now this girl you love "so" much has been a "stressor" lately.
Figure out what you want to happen, and then pursue that. Stop thinking about "cards to play." Just be a human and figure out whether the problems you bring to the relationship can be fixed.
Your posts don't need more details. They need to be in chronological order.
Also, a large part of what keeps us from understanding your situation is that you started at the end. "She broke up with me..."
We aren't really interested in the h*ll you're in as you navigate a break-up. We've all been there, and yours sounds very typical.
The problem lies in what happened that caused her to end the relationship. Whatever it was, it was bad enough that she wanted to be DONE with you.
So now this girl you love "so" much has been a "stressor" lately.
Figure out what you want to happen, and then pursue that. Stop thinking about "cards to play." Just be a human and figure out whether the problems you bring to the relationship can be fixed.
SEE EVERYONE WITH THE DEFEATIST ATTITUDE?! That's the sorta stuff I want.
I recognized the problems a week after it started. Past two weeks I've been working on them. Over the long run, it was the stress of senior year and living in my rental building. Since graduated and moved out of the building. Out of the city, and back in the country (staying at my parents). Nice. Peaceful. Quiet. More my setting. Have a good line on a fulltime job too at an auction house just below sothebys level! (was another stressor. I've been unemployed/underemployed for 5 years. Considering I started working at 13, it was tough on me mentally. Didn't help I've basically been told multiple times I'm too independent. If I don't have a job, I do my best to put myself to work. Couldn't even get a job at a gas station).
I haven't stopped working on myself. Doing things I want. Got my motorcycle permit out of the blue. Working on overhauling and finishing transitioning investments to my new model. Spotted a property in Camden, ME I want to look at. Have no intention of going back to my city place, just be a rental now.
Largely, the past week has just been confusing. Her email that started off with never talk to me again and ended with we'll talk again was completely emotionally charged and not revised, and was her first real salvo. I re-read it, and it wasn't as bad, I just didn't really make it past the first paragraph. Communication, especially with her communicating with me, has been a problem. So... in an odd sense... I realize we're making some progress. She's learning to talk, I just have to keep working on myself and somehow keeping her informed that I'm actually doing something.
It was me. The problems from her, were because of me. If I fix myself, I fix everything, and it's not impossible. I just have to make the transition from college to grown up world.
Quote:
Originally Posted by NilaJones
2. Forget 'cards to play'. Focus on accurately communicating your deepest emotions to her, and your hopes for the future. Skip the rational stuff.
Sent her an email earlier. Level headed, emotions (but kept my pair in line), etc. Got me a 5 minute phone call a few minutes ago. She facetimed. Didn't show her face, but wanted to show the sick bunny she was taking care of from work. Most "normal" I've gotten in three weeks.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ellie
Personally, I have my doubts. People destined for long, productive relationships usually don't roller coaster as much as the two of you have. You may love her, think you want to marry, but if she's asking for space...
Traditionally, sure. But we're both graduating around the same time, and neither ever really enjoyed the school. We both work at least partially on our own work. Most 24 year olds don't have 7 tenants breathing down their neck. Etc. But it's the first time anything like this has happened in the 15 months. The stress from life and the stress we caused each other in being over stressed at the same time, it adds up.
Overall I've been positive that things will work out the whole time. It's just the one day can't see you and the dog, next day shows up. One minute don't talk to me, next minute we'll talk again. Just... illogical... So I'm just gonna have to deal with her emotional ups and downs. If that's what it takes for her to learn to communicate with me, and I listen, so be it.
Last edited by LordSquidworth; 06-30-2013 at 07:40 PM..
SEE EVERYONE WITH THE DEFEATIST ATTITUDE?! That's the sorta stuff I want.
LOL grow up honey. Not wanting to hear about problems doesn't make them go away.
1) I suggest that you begin using pronouns and articles rather than just always beginning your sentences with verbs.
2) The reason you're getting mixed message from her is because you are manipulating her. She told you what she wanted (to break up), and you have not respected that. You keep "playing your cards" to ameliorate YOUR pain with apparently little regard for WHY she wanted to be away from you.
It was me. The problems from her, were because of me. If I fix myself, I fix everything, and it's not impossible. I just have to make the transition from college to grown up world.
Good luck with that. Check back in a few weeks and let us know what happened.
LOL grow up honey. Not wanting to hear about problems doesn't make them go away.
1) I suggest that you begin using pronouns and articles rather than just always beginning your sentences with verbs.
2) The reason you're getting mixed message from her is because you are manipulating her. She told you what she wanted (to break up), and you have not respected that. You keep "playing your cards" to ameliorate YOUR pain with apparently little regard for WHY she wanted to be away from you.
Wtf?
Your comment was exactly what I was looking for. That line was for everyone who gives the blanket response of "just give up" which I specifically said I cared not for.
Way to not read past the first line... which wasn't even directed at you...
Your comment was exactly what I was looking for. That line was for everyone who gives the blanket response of "just give up" which I specifically said I cared not for.
Way to not read past the first line... which wasn't even directed at you...
It read like sarcasm. Sorry. Generally when you quote someone here, you are talking to them.
If you are into drama and games and BS she sounds perfect for you.
If you have any self respect you would move on. Me seems to think that you have a hard time meeting women though so you're latching on for dear life for that one you convinced to date you.
Unless you're into drama, games, and BS, as previously mentioned.
I can understand that you may love her, and you want to be optimistic that you can get back together with her, and that is possible, people break up and get back together all the time. But you have to be careful. As someone said earlier, she broke up with you, and you don't want to put yourself in a position by talking to her about the past and asking her to get back together will make her uncomfortable. She knows how you feel at this point. Give her space and if she is ready she will let you know. To keep bringing it up, will only push her further away, and not help your cause. Even buying her things may cause problems, and come off not looking very good. If she contacts you, let her control the conversation, be there for her, and let her just talk about her feelings, and if she is ready for more and comfortable she will let you know.
move on. you will find someone you're just as crazy about who is crazy about you, too. your gf/wife should want to be with you whether your life is in a good place or you're going through a rough spot...not just in the good times.
I can understand that you may love her, and you want to be optimistic that you can get back together with her, and that is possible, people break up and get back together all the time. But you have to be careful. As someone said earlier, she broke up with you, and you don't want to put yourself in a position by talking to her about the past and asking her to get back together will make her uncomfortable.
One thing I've noticed the first week when I hit the internets, is people are always trying to get back what was. They don't address the dysfunction and so it happens all over again. To me, the old relationship is dead. I don't want it, I want the girl, because I recognize the dysfunction was artificial and surface issues that just built up (especially with the communication issues).
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raptor76
She knows how you feel at this point. Give her space and if she is ready she will let you know. To keep bringing it up, will only push her further away, and not help your cause. Even buying her things may cause problems, and come off not looking very good. If she contacts you, let her control the conversation, be there for her, and let her just talk about her feelings, and if she is ready for more and comfortable she will let you know.
I recognize now that her email that started rather mean but lightened up towards the end (re-read it a few times) was completely emotionally fueled. She is upset with me, she does feel let down, but she also recognizes her shortfalls in ever communicating those frustrations. She called me the morning after to talk for a bit.
I've since only sent one email. It was sorta a response to hers (excluding the negative parts). I take particular care to keep it positive and not bring up the negatives. I recognize the negatives and can probably knock out most of them working on myself, so no point talking about it. One of those is communicating back that I am listening.
Since her email Friday, I got a phone call Sat morning, she showed up for a few minutes before she went to work that afternoon (my jaw was stuck to the floor though, was not expected), she called last night for a few minutes and I just got a couple short videos of her playing with her dogs.
At this point, I'm just making sure she knows my ears are open and letting her come to me. As I said, our issues were largely surface issues that just went on for a long time and built up. Someone pointed out we're both transitioning from the being in school to post-school, I'm charging ahead because of the breakup, and just have to wait for her to catch up.
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Generally when you quote someone here, you are talking to them.
