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I think online dating should merely be a side step in an attempt to land dates. It's important to put yourself out there in society and do things others enjoy doing. It's a much more genuine way to find acceptance and you're less likely to be judged so negatively for being an inch too short or something.
Regarding dating sites, I think women need to be a little more proactive. On OKCupid, I found that 90% of the women in my area have a red dot. That means they reply "very selectively". Now I realize many of those emails are bad and many don't even get read, so that does make it a little challenging. By why don't they go out there and hunt and find what they really want? The guy might even be flattered.
I got curious and changed my search parameters so that I was looking for "guys who like girls" and saw that 95% of the guys have a blue (no emails rec'd in past week) or a green dot (replies frequently). Naturally I didn't look at any of their profiles individually as I don't want to send a signal that I'm interested in them. From what I could see, some of these guys had pretty decent looking headline pictures.
So as a result of this, I continue to ask myself why women don't at least try hunting a little instead of settling with the barrage of douchebags that send terrible messages? I purposely don't hunt like I used to simply because of burnout.
Wouldn't be a bad idea to implement on dating sites, that if a member doesn't send out a certain number of messages per week they're booted.
10 will be wildly inappopriate in terms of age (too young or too old)
See? Right there. That's the problem.I'm 41, but I look much much younger. I take care of myself and am otherwise a great catch. If a 29 year old girl meets me at a club or in a class pr something she wouldn't think twice about my age, and she'll get to know me and then learn that I'm 12 years older than her. She won't care because she found out that my qualities overshadow our age difference.
But if we meet online, I'll never get a chance to show her my great qualities because she'll disqualify me right out of the gate.
And this isn't just limited to age. It might be some other minor detail that causes the girl to automatically disqualify what could be a great guy. It could be political affiliation, a picture, or something as random as eye color. Online dating makes it way too easy for women and men to get rid of potentially great guys or girls.
I think online dating had a risk of causing us to match ourselves up with people based only on surface details.
Plus online dating is backwards. Typically we have attraction, build rapport, and THEN become serious. With online dating the order is all mixed up. You build rapport, become invested, and meet LAST! What happens if you find the person repulsive after you have been chatting for months? Or maybe they aren't repulsive. Maybe they are just uninteresting, physically speaking. If you'd met first you wouldn't have given them the time of day, but now that you have invested months of your time with them, you are more likely to compromise, which in the end isn't fair to them. We all deserve to be cherished by the one we end up with.
See? Right there. That's the problem.I'm 41, but I look much much younger. I take care of myself and am otherwise a great catch. If a 29 year old girl meets me at a club or in a class pr something she wouldn't think twice about my age, and she'll get to know me and then learn that I'm 12 years older than her. She won't care because she found out that my qualities overshadow our age difference.
But if we meet online, I'll never get a chance to show her my great qualities because she'll disqualify me right out of the gate.
And this isn't just limited to age. It might be some other minor detail that causes the girl to automatically disqualify what could be a great guy. It could be political affiliation, a picture, or something as random as eye color. Online dating makes it way too easy for women and men to get rid of potentially great guys or girls.
I think online dating had a risk of causing us to match ourselves up with people based only on surface details.
Plus online dating is backwards. Typically we have attraction, build rapport, and THEN become serious. With online dating the order is all mixed up. You build rapport, become invested, and meet LAST! What happens if you find the person repulsive after you have been chatting for months? Or maybe they aren't repulsive. Maybe they are just uninteresting, physically speaking. If you'd met first you wouldn't have given them the time of day, but now that you have invested months of your time with them, you are more likely to compromise, which in the end isn't fair to them. We all deserve to be cherished by the one we end up with.
People need to stop looking and being needy to have success. If you go on a dating site with no expectations whatsoever, that's usually when things happen.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,974,024 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by smartalx
Plus online dating is backwards. Typically we have attraction, build rapport, and THEN become serious. With online dating the order is all mixed up. You build rapport, become invested, and meet LAST! What happens if you find the person repulsive after you have been chatting for months? Or maybe they aren't repulsive. Maybe they are just uninteresting, physically speaking. If you'd met first you wouldn't have given them the time of day, but now that you have invested months of your time with them, you are more likely to compromise, which in the end isn't fair to them. We all deserve to be cherished by the one we end up with.
This is why you don't spend weeks chatting. A few messages and then meet for a drink / coffee. Don't invest very much energy/time pre meeting. Any woman (when I did lots of OLD) that said they'd like to chat more before meeting (when we've been emailing for a week) was right out. I'm wasn't going to sit around playing games.
Online dating is the worst for men if you don't fit the economical, social and expecially the physical requirements that the overwelming majority of women on those dating sites carry in their purses. I don't laugh anymore when guys joke about women carrying a tape measure with them on dates because it's seems way too believable considering the superficiality of online dating.
I prefer the good ole-fashion way. In person, in the flesh. Make eye-contact, smile and acknowledge her. If she likes what she sees, she'll make sure to let me know that I'm not wasting my time. I'd rather know I don't measure up to a womans standards in person rather than the stupidity and pretentiousness of engaging someone behind a computer screen.
I'd rather know I don't measure up to a womans standards in person rather than the stupidity and pretentiousness of engaging someone behind a computer screen.
I'd rather know too so as to weed out people who USE their computer screen to belittle, shame, inflict cruelty to you.
IRL...they might have pee running down their pant leg...
In fact I would BANK on it!
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