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1) First off if you are dating someone 8 years older (almost a decade) if someone is to take the parent role its the older spouse in this case your Boyfriend, not sure why you want to watch & monitor a grown azz man like this?
2) OP, why do you constantly attract druggies, this is at least your second. Do you have self esteem issues? Daddy issues?
I would definitely make sure he was tested for Hepatitis as well as HIV. I have a good friend who learned he had Hep C decades after experimenting with needles/drugs in his youth. There are no symptoms until years later when the liver is near failure, but it is definitely transmittable through sex and other contact with bodily fluids. When he comes down with his family to go the beach, he always tells me to wash his towel separately.
Good point! Very, very good point.
Hep C is rare to transmit sexually, though technically not impossible. But it does mean living with someone with a chronic illness, which they may eventually die of.
Quote:
Originally Posted by angrymillionaire
IMO while one MAY quit say alcohol, but to expect them to quit cocaine, heroin, kematine, ecstacy, acid etc! No way Jose
Ok, now, that is just silly. The first two are addictive like alcohol is, and maybe as addictive as tobacco, but the remainder are far less addictive than shoe shopping.
Geeze. I was a very very heavy drugs use 8 and 9 years ago. Have zero desire to EVER go back to that, and know I won't. Smoked weed once since and it was TERRIBLE.
Peoples lives and priorities change. My life simply could not coincide with the person I used to be.
Geeze. I was a very very heavy drugs use 8 and 9 years ago. Have zero desire to EVER go back to that, and know I won't. Smoked weed once since and it was TERRIBLE.
Peoples lives and priorities change. My life simply could not coincide with the person I used to be.
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Inorite? I was never a hard drugs person at all, but I can relate to your comment. The last time I took acid (in my teens) I spent the whole time waiting for it to wear off. Completely lost interest, and don't expect to ever regain it.
I had a weird reaction to prescription drug recently that felt like a low dose of acid. I hated that, and was relieved when it only took a couple hours to stop. Scared me, too.
This. All the couples I've known where one partner had a history of alcohol or drug abuse ended up breaking up after a relapse. In some cases, the guys were still secretly using. In one case, he wasn't, but the stress of an unexpected business failure caused a relapse. And it's also a good point that it's usually unresolved psychological baggage that causes someone to abuse drugs or alcohol in the first place. So there may be hidden baggage, OP. There could also be hidden drug use.
Some addicts, both men and women, also "recover" and divorce their spouses because the spouse still relates to their partner as a using addict. This is common, too.
So complicated. I've had family members and one boyfriend ultimately destroy their lives and die from drug use. Horrible, devastating. Then I have a few friends who enjoy the soft stuff regularly and to no detriment. I enjoy the ganja myself, it helps with anxiety - some of it related to the crap I went through with the folks in my first sentence.
If you have a genuinely transparent and honest relationship, you should be able to have a good conversation about this, and figure out where on the spectrum of use he's at. You should look for awareness as to why he's using too.
Him trying to make you feel guilty about your concern? Not cool. If you can't have a proper conversation, he likely has a problem and you should walk.
Heroin has killed so many people including amazing musicians who are very missed. It's literally the stupidest drug to start taking because a person will spend their lives trying to chase that same high again and the only thing that works is more heroin. They don't call it chasing the dragon for nothing.
So yea, huge red flags are flying in your face right now. It's up to you how you want to handle it. But don't be surprised if he ends up ODing like so, so, so many other people have already done.
trust your gut on this one
you have every right to be concerned, wary, and upset. Major red flags, you put yourself at risk if you ignore them. it won't go away. it will get worse.
when someone shares their past drug use, ask them how did you stop? how long have you been clean? what led you into recovery? did you go to treatment? do you attend NA or AA?
an addict does not cure themself.
unless he is working an active program of recovery you have every cause for concern
and even if he quit "cold turkey" he is still an addict, and unless he attends a 12-step program he will have all the constellation behaviors of an addict
and for you, the program is Al-Anon, for friends and family and loved ones of addicts and alcoholics, look it up in the white pages or online for your city where you live, and go to 30 meetings and this will be very helpful to you in offering solid, practical guidance that is exactly for your situation.
and it is not enough to just leave him, without getting some program for yourself too, because until you address what draws you to addicts, then it is highly likely the next relationship and the next and the next will repeat this pattern. It is a very good thing that you are asking these questions, trust your get, it will serve you well. An untreated addict ends up only in one of 3 places: incarcerated, insane, or dead.
Last edited by Tzaphkiel; 12-27-2015 at 11:45 PM..
I am having the opposite problem. I'm on the other end of the stick. It is saddening for me to think that my partner is worried about me relapsing even though it is something I'm over and done with. Never had any withdrawal symptoms or did anything immoral for drugs, never felt like I was addicted in the first place. The fact that they are so worrisome about my past, something that I cannot change is so frustrating. What do you want me to do about it? Something I was dealing with before I even met you? It makes me very angry and just feeling lost and horrible about myself.
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No way Jose
