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I'm low 40s and I have really really dark hair... almost black and for the most part I don't have many greys... I have a lot in my goatee, but not much in my hair.... I have a shocking amount of grey in the beard.. but it's funny how it hasn't started in my head yet.... that being the key word... yet.... LOL
Yeah but my hair is down to his 2nd button. But I am gonna take a few inches off soon I am just tired of it being that long. But....envision Brad half or a lot grey, which is common getting into the mid 40's up. Then look at that pic again where he isn't showing much grey and I think you'll agree the difference of grey or not makes a big impact on how others perceive your age.
I've always thought the grey hair thing was interesting..and I've actually had a few people bring up my gray hair to me. I dyed my hair dark brunette a few weeks ago (no more redhead ) and haven't dyed it since, and now my greys are MUCH more noticeable. Looking at my face it's pretty obvious that I'm in my late 20s, but my hair looks to be mid 50s and I think it throws people off I'm about 25% grey at this point and haven't bothered dying over them so my hair is all streaky.
I kinda dig it though, so I'm not planning on dying it anytime soon.
I wonder what the cut-off age is for most people to begin thinking a guy is a freak for not being married/having a kid/settled yet. i'd guess it would come to about 33 and half if they did a gallop poll
I have a theory as to why this article says that never-married men were once envied, but not are considered social pariahs.
First off, it is a generalization, but I think there is an ounce of truth to this.
This is my theory:
In the "old days" (whenever those were), it was not hard to get married for anyone. It was expected of everyone by their families, communities, etc., women kind of needed men, men kind of needed women. Even a couple generations after labor saving technology removed the "need" to have a maid (or a wife) to clean, cook, take care of kids, and a couple generations after womens liberation (and really there were multiple womens' lib movements not just the 60s), where they could aggressively pursue careers and be breadwinners, therefore not needing men.
But there was a time, when men and women almost always married, and almost never got a divorce, was simply because they truly needed each other. Technology (and absence of men fighting the World wars, and women working in the munitions factories, etc) spawned social change.
Those who did not get married up until a couple generations ago, were considered "pioneers", "rebels". It really took a seriously independent and individualistic person to not get married. They would have been seen as a maverick in a way.
Bottom line, neither men nor women "need" one another beyond the intimacy, romance, sex, companionship, etc in this day in age.
Today however, its different. Since women and men don't "need" each other, marriage isn't "necessary" or at least the cultural changes that took a couple generations to become unnecessary, they ONLY marry for love, sex, companionship, etc.
And in this social environment, you kind of need to be not necessarily "alpha" but you sort of need to be "the cream of the crop" for both genders, at least to SOMEONE. (beauty is in the eye of the beholder), so today, getting married is not necessary, but more of a mark of ultimate social status. You MUST be a high specimen of a human being if someone fell in love with you, stayed in love, and wanted to spend the rest of their life with you.
And I think thats what drives it today. Its ultimately validation. Yes, love, sex, companionship are also super important, but really these things can come from elsewhere. But today marriage has become the ultimate evidence that you are well-adjusted and a reason why others should like you and be drawn to you.
Just my two cents.
I kind of agree, which is why I'm so disappointed in myself that I can't find someone. But I'm not exactly in this criteria of over 40 and never married because I was married, just to the wrong woman. I still feel like an outcast now living in Oklahoma with all the families here. This is something I wanted so much for myself.
I am a mid-thirties woman and while I am wary of men over 40 who have never been married, I give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Some may have the same concerns about me.
Life has shaped our paths, and many people (like myself) desire marriage and a family, but things happened along the way.
This is the same argument that people make about others when they find out that someone over 40 has never been in a long term relationship especially if they have been single for more than 30 years. "Are you too picky?" As if they would settle for just anyone for themselves when they wouldn't. Why expect me to? Then there's "There must be something seriously wrong with you then." Not necessarily... If a serial killer and a serial rapist can be married or in a long term relationship all the while committing those violent crimes. why does there have to be something wrong with me who hasn't murdered or raped anyone? Its what makes a relationship work that counts not the fact that you're in one. I am not single by my own design,I have made concessions and scarifies for people that were not worth my time it in the short term. However,as my friends would say, I am one of the best guys you could ever know out there for those that are willing to look right at me,and not through me to see what buttons they can press. Let's be honest, everyone has emotional baggage of some sort,but I find that people who have baggage from a long term relationship or marriage have compounded baggage and are more difficult to deal with, than someone who has never been in a long term relationship doesn't carry at all. We (Solo livers) tend to be more objective about what we want,and not so easily vulnerable to the scars of past relationships. In other words, it would be easier to date someone who hasn't been in a recent or past long term relationship and take them more seriously than I would a jaded lover who is still influenced and trained by how their mate ,ate,drank,and had sex. You can think I am damaged goods if you'd like,but I am less damaged because I haven't been jilted through anyone elses baggage or bad habits! People like to stigmatize things in order to digest them,however,save the stigma for the real no good worthless lovers in this world who don't know how to treat anyone decent. (Married serial killers/rapist)
... Now I'm more on the side of---if they are 40 and never married there's a good reason for it. But Let's put it this way...I very rarely meet anyone who doesn't have some sort of disfunction.
I'm reminded of that old parable of casting the first stone....
People are married or divorced or never-married sometimes for very obvious reasons, and sometimes not. Sometimes a person is an excellent candidate for lifelong partnership, but fate intervened; some minor impediment here and there, a chance not taken, an unguarded remark that spooked the would-be love of one's life. Sometimes we too greatly fear our own happiness to pursue it. Other times we're stymied by misplaced self-perception, a reticence engendered by too vituperative critique, a failure of nerve, a stifling of creativity. Our modern times admit no ready recipe. We're on our own. Not always does such "freedom" result in success. Yet who are we to bash the unsuccessful?
Quote:
Originally Posted by lionking
... my neighbor bless her heart came out to gab which I gave her a glass of red wine (Lambrusco my fav and got a glass right now too) to drink with me and she started on the "so when you gonna get a wife or have a girl move in"?
The solution to such dilemma is very simple. Reply, "Well, ma'am, the route to marriage begins with immersing oneself in a pool of suitable candidates. With your social connections and your active assistance, I'm sure that we could find some candidates in no time, don't you think?"
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tex?Il?
But today marriage has become the ultimate evidence that you are well-adjusted and a reason why others should like you and be drawn to you.
Indeed. Consider the leading figures in business, in the community, in politics and government; the senior managers, professors, doctors, scientists, and so forth. Nearly all are married. A few are divorced, but they mostly remarried. Marital status isn't merely a badge of honor, but testament of a person's decency and trustworthiness Can we even imagine an unmarried (single or divorced) US President?
Now there is some truth to the fact that I might be damaged goods in a sense because I have been set in my ways and overly independent. It is true that I am picky, and scared of it failing. Not true that I am gay, I have had my fair share of sex with women in my time, just never wanted to commit , except a couple I did but they didn't, never have had any inclination to be gay.
However in the article there is truth stated that men like me have witness the vast majority of our friends go through HELL in a divorce and that the percentage of our friends getting a divorce highly exceeds those that stayed together. In fact out of 10 male friends of mine I only know 2 that have stayed happily married through time. Now I can tell you that what those guys went through in divorce really DID make them damaged goods afterward.
Yesterday at a gas station I was blown away by a woman in front of me, she is my type that I would want to try to create a relationship with, but I was shot down by her in my advance. I won't go into details about what "my type" is but any of you that know me from CD have a clue. Its just that 90% of women aren't my type, of the 10% that are 7% are married or taken and that only only leaves 3% and of that 3% there is a 50 to 60% chance I am not here type. So I stay single a mess around as I can.
But read the comments after the article, I got love this moron who calls himself "alpha dad" quote:
"
It's very amusing to see all the loser humans talk about their excuses for not getting married and having kids as part of their course of life. They even justify it and say it's their choice! Even the stupidest creatures on earth know how to have babies and keep LIFE evolving, yet we have these SMART humans who let their genes die because they want to travel the world or be debt free and rich! Remember, the reason you are reading this is because your life is a failure. You have FAILED! no kids, no spouse over 40 = FAIL
Posted 7/26/2013 10:34:38am
by AlphaDAD"
Well good for you alpha dad, guess I am not as traditional as you and society expect me to be. I guess being a traditional family man is your goal. I guess you like having family be your mission after working all day to support them. But it isn't mine, I have passions after working all day that leaves little room for family.
I'd say a never married man over 40 is smart ... and fortunate.
One only needs to view the necropolis of divorced men to realize what kind of position you are in.
Really, whats worse: A man who has never married or one that has multiple failed marriages? Same applies to women.
Having to fund the cash and prizes to the woman and the courts while experiencing the extreme loss of one's money, assets, and lifestyle over any period of time is definitely a loser.
Last edited by Uncle_RedPill; 03-28-2014 at 05:02 PM..
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) and haven't dyed it since, and now my greys are MUCH more noticeable. Looking at my face it's pretty obvious that I'm in my late 20s, but my hair looks to be mid 50s and I think it throws people off 
