Disposable marriage (father-in-law, female, family, separated)
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Kathryn I'm not saying everyone should stay in their marriage. If you are unhappy and you've put true effort into fixing the marriage than I understand. It's not just an assumption I've talked to almost all the wifes and husbands in the relationships and they've said themselves that they didn't try everything to save the marriage.
Did you ask them this? I mean, how did this even come up in conversation? I'm sorry, but I'm trying to wrap my head around the scenario of knowing all these people going through divorces and the husbands and wives all telling you, "I didn't try everything to save the marriage."
I guess there just aren't too many people in this world that I'd feel like I owed an explanation to regarding my reasons for divorce or the intimacies of my failed marriage. I can imagine telling one or two very close girlfriends some of it, but I can't imagine, for example, feeling any sort of compulsion to tell their husbands whether or not I put all I could into saving my marriage.
Some marriages aren't worth saving, by the way. That's my opinion, anyway.
At this point, I don't knock anyone, even if they stay unhappily married. There is something honorable in staying committed too. I also don't knock those who leave. That takes balls.
Some people don't want to work on improving. That's too hard or takes too much work or that person is not worth it or something. That is something you just have to accept, that some people refuse to work at marriage, especially if it's never going to dissolve in their minds anyway. Some people just want things to stay how they are.
Some people realize that they're trying to make a silk purse out of a sow's ear too. What I mean by that is that there are some actions or attitudes that simply kill a marriage. Kill it dead. I don't think that in those cases, the other partner is under any moral obligation to "try to work on it."
Sometimes people realize that they're married to a psychopath.
Some people realize that they're trying to make a silk purse out of a sow's ear too. What I mean by that is that there are some actions or attitudes that simply kill a marriage. Kill it dead. I don't think that in those cases, the other partner is under any moral obligation to "try to work on it."
Sometimes people realize that they're married to a psychopath.
I agree with your first paragraph by the way.
Totally agree with that. That's when you realize you made a big mistake.
But I have seen times where one spouse just ignores the other spouse complaints for really no reason other than being lazy or selfish. They just don't feel like working hard.
Did you ask them this? I mean, how did this even come up in conversation? I'm sorry, but I'm trying to wrap my head around the scenario of knowing all these people going through divorces and the husbands and wives all telling you, "I didn't try everything to save the marriage."
I guess there just aren't too many people in this world that I'd feel like I owed an explanation to regarding my reasons for divorce or the intimacies of my failed marriage. I can imagine telling one or two very close girlfriends some of it, but I can't imagine, for example, feeling any sort of compulsion to tell their husbands whether or not I put all I could into saving my marriage.
Some marriages aren't worth saving, by the way. That's my opinion, anyway.
Well most of these people are long time friends that my husband and I have known. I've been there for them through the years and have seen some of the bad days and behaviors, neglected, miscommunication, selfishness. My friends and I are close and I've become close to most of their spouses, we share our good times as well as the bad. I've always been someone my friends have confide in. I asked them while talking to them about their relationships what happened , what they did about it, and if they felt they could have done more. And I agree some marriages aren't worth saving but at the same time some marriages should have never happened, just like you said your dad said marriage was the mistake.
Totally agree with that. That's when you realize you made a big mistake.
But I have seen times where one spouse just ignores the other spouse complaints for really no reason other than being lazy or selfish. They just don't feel like working hard.
True dat. Personally I don't think that's the norm in failed marriages, but I do see that happen occasionally, and it's a shame. However, down the road, the other spouse is almost certainly better off without that person as a spouse.
Is it just me, or are we becoming increasingly accustom/encouraged to dispose/upgrade/improve our lives. We get the newest biggest flat screen , the latest Smart Phone, the fastest car. IMHO this is becoming the norm when it comes to marriages as well. People are giving up and “disposing” of a marriage that might just need a little love/attention/commitment/care/effort/respect. This issue has been weighing heavily on my heart. I've seen 4 long term & 3 short term relationships in the past year fail. Only one of the couples have put true effort into trying to save their marriage . 3 men in the long term marriages moved on to other relationships 1 guy within a month and the other 2 within 6 months maximum. The short term relationships most the ladies and men moved on quickly. When I talked to the females in the long term relationship most knew things weren't going well but they didn't see the end coming , they still thought it was worth the fight. When I spoke to the males in the long term relationships 2 cheated, 2 got tried of the struggle, they all complained of feeling controlled, unimportant , not being trusted, feeling emasculated , controlled by sex. The females had complaints of not being heard, cared for , feeling insecure , unappreciated. It scares me to see couples that have long histories fall apart and heart stopping to hear that my female friends were blind to the problems. Do you know anyone that is going through this? Is this the norm when it comes to marriages, just upgrade/ dispose of any problem relationships? Do you think people are giving up and “disposing” of a marriage that might just need love/attention/commitment/care/effort/respect? What are you doing to keep marriage alive and growing? Is it more likely for men to move on quickly?
Ever known older people who stayed married and were miserable? And would probably not have stayed together if the woman had the means to support herself and get out of the marriage?
How about a woman who got left by a man who spent the rest of his life paying alimony because she was a housewife?
I don't think that relationships have changed much except that we have more choices now, and people simply choose to get out of bad situations. You cannot say you have any clue how much one couple did or did not try to work things out.
Despite the notion that the "good old days" were so much better, I think if you dig around you'll find that people really haven't changed that much.
In fact, I think people know what they want now more than they ever did.
We also have more access to news and media... we know some celebrity couple separated now faster than we used to get MAJOR world news. Think about it... does anyone else's relationship REALLY have a bearing on yours?
Quit looking at other people's relationships and keep an eye on your own.
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Did you ask them this? I mean, how did this even come up in conversation? I'm sorry, but I'm trying to wrap my head around the scenario of knowing all these people going through divorces and the husbands and wives all telling you, "I didn't try everything to save the marriage."
I guess there just aren't too many people in this world that I'd feel like I owed an explanation to regarding my reasons for divorce or the intimacies of my failed marriage. I can imagine telling one or two very close girlfriends some of it, but I can't imagine, for example, feeling any sort of compulsion to tell their husbands whether or not I put all I could into saving my marriage.
Some marriages aren't worth saving, by the way. That's my opinion, anyway.
Some people get out of really bad marriages that they worked hard to save, then start wondering if they could have done more... it's one of those side effects of being in a crappy marriage.
I never wonder that about my ex and our relationship. It sucked. I tried. I moved on.
It happens. I would not dream of presuming that I really knew what people went through in their private lives.
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Some people get out of really bad marriages that they worked hard to save, then start wondering if they could have done more... it's one of those side effects of being in a crappy marriage.
I never wonder that about my ex and our relationship. It sucked. I tried. I moved on.
It happens. I would not dream of presuming that I really knew what people went through in their private lives.
You are not kidding.
Not to waylay the conversation but that's another reason why I'm no longer Catholic - the day the Church says that adultery (or abuse) isn't a legitimate reason for divorce with the right to remarry, and I have to answer to them (not to God - God and I were fine) and am not even allowed to TAKE COMMUNION (and also guilty of mortal sin for remarrying) unless they decide to give me an annulment - FUGGETABATIT.
That whole experience knocked the judgmentalism right out of me.
Not to waylay the conversation but that's another reason why I'm no longer Catholic - the day the Church says that adultery (or abuse) isn't a legitimate reason for divorce with the right to remarry, and I have to answer to them (not to God - God and I were fine) and am not even allowed to TAKE COMMUNION (and also guilty of mortal sin for remarrying) unless they decide to give me an annulment - FUGGETABATIT.
That whole experience knocked the judgmentalism right out of me.
That's understandable... your change in religious affiliation, I mean.
I am surprised that the Catholic church has not loosened up just a little bit to make room for situations such as the ones you described.
I guess it's easier to tell people that God wants them to be unhappy?
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Ever known older people who stayed married and were miserable? And would probably not have stayed together if the woman had the means to support herself and get out of the marriage?
How about a woman who got left by a man who spent the rest of his life paying alimony because she was a housewife?
I don't think that relationships have changed much except that we have more choices now, and people simply choose to get out of bad situations. You cannot say you have any clue how much one couple did or did not try to work things out.
Despite the notion that the "good old days" were so much better, I think if you dig around you'll find that people really haven't changed that much.
In fact, I think people know what they want now more than they ever did.
We also have more access to news and media... we know some celebrity couple separated now faster than we used to get MAJOR world news. Think about it... does anyone else's relationship REALLY have a bearing on yours?
Quit looking at other people's relationships and keep an eye on your own.
The great thing about freedom is I can do as I please. I have been married for 22 years and I do keep an eye on mine, thank you. I never said anything about the good ol days. Women are able to make choices that they once couldn't because of the good ol days. Anyways thank god it's 2013 and we can do as we please
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