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I suppose it depends on whether it's a definite end to the marriage you have in mind, or potentially a negotiating position that could lead either to divorce or to reconciliation if changes are made.
I just said something like "This relationship has not worked for us for a long time, and now I'm ready to get a divorce." And did. It wasn't a surprise, as we'd talked about it on and off for a long time, but never made the decision until then.
I suppose it depends on whether it's a definite end to the marriage you have in mind, or potentially a negotiating position that could lead either to divorce or to reconciliation if changes are made.
I just said something like "This relationship has not worked for us for a long time, and now I'm ready to get a divorce." And did. It wasn't a surprise, as we'd talked about it on and off for a long time, but never made the decision until then.
It is definite. It has been a long time coming.
I have been reading about it but still unsure what to expect.
Thanks.
I told my ex for a year and a half that I was unhappy (had been for over 3 by the time we split up) asked him to go to counseling, explained to him when he did something to make me angry, and why... and the fact there was ZERO sex.
But yet, when I told him I was done trying....he was 'shocked' that I was so unhappy.... I really don't know how I could have made it any clearer. We had even separated for 6 weeks to see if that would help.
If there is no chance to reconcile and your mind is made up, seek a lawyer's advice first....there will be decisions that have to be made, like who is living where, if there are children involved, etc. Get your game plan together BEFORE you approach your wife.
If there is a chance to reconcile, ask her to go to counseling...then at least you have tried.
And by all means, DO NOT start another relationship until this one had ended and the divorce is final. You are only asking for more trouble than you even know if you already 'have' someone else.
And by all means, DO NOT start another relationship until this one had ended and the divorce is final. You are only asking for more trouble than you even know if you already 'have' someone else.
There is no one else, I am the wife and there has not been sex in forever.
This is the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life and I feel so alone.
I'm sorry. I was trying to make my post gender neutral. I, too, was the wife.
My advice still stands, though. Unless your husband is in total agreement, it's going to be a rough ride.
Do you have one person you can confide in? Does your husband have a clue that you are contemplating a divorce. Have you asked him to go to counseling, even just one session?
Are you battered? Do you need to leave immediately?
I agree that you need to exhaust every avenue before you totally give up (unless you or your children (if you have children) are being harmed.
In retrospect, the one thing I wish I would have done was to find counseling for myself, even if he didn't want to come. Even though I'm the one who was totally unhappy, the whole break up hit me hard. I did agree to go to one counseling session with my ex, the therapist gave us a couple of 'homework' assignments and we went back three weeks later. The therapist told my ex, point blank, that he had major communication issues and while he didn't think our marriage was salvagable, he thought my ex needed to have a few sessions to improve his communication skills...both listening and speaking.
I wish the best for you and hope you can find peace and happiness.
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