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My friend married a Spaniard. She is a firecracker and goes off at the drop of a hat. Her whole family is that way and she said it's the way most Spaniards are - very fiery.
ETA - she once hit a guy in the head with a golf club. I suggest you hide any sports equipment lying around.
Unless he wants to change, it's up for you to learn how to live with it. You knew what you married, perhaps you didn't know yourself well enough to know what you could live with.
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639 posts, read 678,879 times
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He may be cynical because he expects women to make the first move and when they don't his self-esteem is lowered. Don't pursue him, I don't think its worth it. If a guy likes you enough, he will show it.
Take care x
He may be cynical because he expects women to make the first move and when they don't his self-esteem is lowered. Don't pursue him, I don't think its worth it. If a guy likes you enough, he will show it.
Take care x
Well, what's done is done. You married him. Surely there are good qualities there as well? I can be cynical myself. Sometimes I have to remind myself not to get so upset about little things and to try to see the good in situations and people, and not always just the bad. And if I had a SO who was upset with me and asked me to try to be more positive, then I would definitely try if I loved them and wanted them to be happy. Does your husband love you and want you to be happy? If he does, then I would hope that after a heart to heart he would try to simmer his temper and bad attitude down a few notches for the sake of the marriage. I think it is only when one person refuses to try to change and work on things that the relationship is doomed.
I have delt with a 2 year relationship with a person like this. I don't have much that I can tell you, because I ended the relationship. It was mentally exhausting. I feel your pain and understand you, but apart from having him go to a psychologist.. I don't have any advice I can give you.
Good luck
Yeah, I agree here. I wouldn't have made the decision to overlook something this important in favor of his good qualities, during dating & engagement. This is a pretty important thing, and as people here so often say, it won't get any better as the years go on. You may well find it draining and abrasive, if not immature. My take is that you two are from such widely differing backgrounds (him: spoiled, you--not; him: major baggage from childhood/family, you--"healthy", good parents) with, in some ways, opposing value systems, that this simply isn't a good match. I know that's not what you want to hear, but ... this is how it looks to me.
Think how your vastly different upbringings might affect any kids you might raise. You two probably wouldn't be on the same page with child-rearing or the type of home environment you want or end up creating. (Do you really want a child of yours to be exposed to this on a regular basis?)
Too bad you didn't post this a year ago, before the wedding.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43;
perhaps you didn't know yourself well enough to know what you could live with.
Good point. It sounds like the OP is only now finding out how close the end of her rope is. OP, usually one marries someone because they make one happy. If they drag you down, that's an important sign, it's not something to be rationalized away by telling yourself they have some good qualities.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 03-06-2014 at 12:21 PM..
Let's just assume people on the whole are selfish and only do things for selfish reasons. Now, can you come up with a good reason why he would want to change?
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