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Ok , my first post, and it's a doozy !
I'm 42, and have two wonderful teenagers, and i am very close to them, and they are really great kids. I'm independant, run a small business from home, keep odd hours as I'm a night owl and like to work at night, and I homeschool. While I teach my children about God, we dont' attend a Church, and sorry but I'm not interested in doing that because of all of the bad experiences with 'Christians' I have had. I don't drink...but if I were ever out and given the opportunity and weren't around my kids, I'd have a glass or two of wine.
I'm opinionated...I'm afraid I probably am. I'm an avid, passionate gardener. Flowers, not veggies, and I truthfully love it enough to have made it a career, but my life did not go in that direction. I still think ,every now and then, of having someone to share the rest of my life with. When I envision that, I think of someone older, and someone who would walk through my gardens with me with interest and knowledge...maybe a teacher, heck I dont' know. I am not, however, out there searching for Mr. Right...I'm too busy keeping a roof over our heads.
Because I work from home, and I homeschool, and am so involved in my children's activities and businesses...yes they have them even as teenagers...we go hiking and herping and exploring of the world together...we do exotic animal rescue, and have a house full of reptiles and I love them, they are beautiful creatures.
I'm coming to believe that I will never find that Mr. Right...and that maybe I should just settle down with the knowledge that it's going to be me and my animals, and my children, until they grow tired of me, for the rest of my days.
I have one friend, and she lives far away, so I dont' have anyone really that I can talk to, do anything with, etc. I have had two guys recently 'hit' on me, but ..no offense meant to motorcyle riding guys, but they were both over 300 lbs, nasty and invited me to take a ride on their bike lol...in other terms of course. ...made me think I wasn't worth a nice man asking me out !
Now, after writing that book... does anyone else have these feelings ? That maybe after being divorced for a long time ( over 10 years ), that it will never happen again for you ?
I agree that kids, working, etc is important. But I also think you need some time for you. You need your own activities and your own friends. In the big scheme of things, in a few years those kids will be gone. You need more than a house full of reptiles and flowers to keep you company. I'm not saying it has to be a romantic interest but everyone needs friends.
If you can only think in terms of the kids, you can think about taking time for yourself as teaching them about balance in life.
If you choose to have a man in your life, it will be hard to find decent candidates if you never leave the house! You need to get out more. If the only men you are meeting aren't the kind you want to date, it's time to look elsewhere.
No matter how much I loved my kids, it would drive me crazy if that was my life 24/7. I know I need some interaction with adults. The kids probably need to learn social skills too. That's important for their future.
Whoops, I didn't mean to make it sound like I never got out, but in re-reading that I think I did.
My daughter is a competitive dancer, and my son plays soccer, and we volunteer at the local animal shelter, so I'm on the road every single day. I go out of town for dance competitions, but see i'm in the company of other mothers mainly. So my kids have fantastic social skills, in fact they each have an online business and we go to craft shows together, etc.
I feel the same way...I have pretty much made up my mind. I have been divorced for 5 years and I have a 10 year old daughter.
I have actually been married twice, between them and some other circumstances, I feel I have topped out my BS meter and have no tolerance left.
I enjoy my independence, I like my privacy and I just don't want to give anyone that much control over my life again...check out the laws in your state, it DOES give the person you marry ALOT of control...AND 51% of marriages end in divorce...I don't like those statistics.
My daughter deserves all my time until she is old enough to be bored with her Mother. Her Father has never been a part of her life so I do double duty in that respect. I can't imagine taking time away from her to spend with some guy who is probably annoying to begin with.
Whoops, I didn't mean to make it sound like I never got out, but in re-reading that I think I did.
My daughter is a competitive dancer, and my son plays soccer, and we volunteer at the local animal shelter, so I'm on the road every single day. I go out of town for dance competitions, but see i'm in the company of other mothers mainly. So my kids have fantastic social skills, in fact they each have an online business and we go to craft shows together, etc.
I was feeling really bad for you. That poor woman hasn't left home in years!
I'm not saying you won't get married again. But never rule out the possibility. If you are happy with who you are and are comfortable with yourself the possibility of finding someone may be there before you die. Then again it may not but if it isn't, it won't matter cause you are fine being yourself. Liz
Although I'm married now - I wish I weren't. I liked being single.
I married my best friend of 20 years - and although we are really trying and working at it - I wouldn't say we are truly "happy"....and I thought if anybody could make it work it could be this guy
Anyway, I didn't want to be married ever again - but my best friend was a special circumstance - I wish I listened to my gut instead. That way I'd still be single and still have my "best friend" back
I agree Southernlady--watch out for that "never" word! I said I'd never move without having a job and here I am four years later in WA finishing college at 54 after not being able to find a job even typing for a temp agency (I type 80 WPM and have 20 years business experience!) But it is cool--I always wanted to go to college. Anyway, I've been divorced 13 years after a 21 year marriage. I've lived alone since (with my children until the last 4 years) and enjoy my peace and quiet. Have dated and made many friends and done tons of fun things but only fell for one guy who I met in my office. It was wonderful the first three months and then turned weird (although hindsight there were warning signals) and I ended it at nine months. But knowing I could still fall in love was great (that was six years ago.)
I like my life but there are still times I would like to find a man I trusted and loved enough to want to live with him (as long as I have my own studio space to be alone sometimes.) There ARE times I think about wearing a wedding ring just to get my mind to accept that this is "never" going to happen and quit wanting something I don't have but I think that would be wrong to do and I would do it only because I want answers (NOW ) to the unknown. Besides I like the mystery of life and would be really bored if I knew what was going to happen the rest of my life.
I've been told I'm too picky but since I'm in college, I rarely meet anyone close to my age to be picky about. And I'm not taking anyone just because they are interested in me. I really dislike when people say that--what the heck does that mean? Should I have said okay to the married guy? The guy that wanted to move in with me on the first date? I don't think so. I AM too picky.
It seems to be human nature to want what we don't have so I am unsure if the reality would be as good as the fantasy but (sigh) I can't seem to let go of the idea of a man in my life again. I love that great male energy that is playful and protective.
It would be difficult to be single if I did not have friends--they help balance my life--they are my family. Invite someone you connect with to do something. I bet there are other single women who would love to do things with you. I have a married couple who have children and I go do things with them--I like being around kids especially since my grandchildren are 3,000 miles away. I see my friends and their kids at least once a week although right now I am needing a little space again. They do wear me out and then I need time alone and because they are really good friends, they understand that.
I was divorced for 21 years, before meeting "the true love of my life". During the first 6 months after my divorce was final, I sort of liked being single. But, after than 6 months was over, I HATED being single. I am the "relationship/marriage" type of man and looked ever so hard for a partner. Most of the ladies I met were out of nightclubs, and that definitely didn't work. Actually, I was in the nightclubs to drink, I was in these nightclubs to do some 2-steppin' and to meet (I hoped) my future wife (girlfriend to start with). Finally, on the 22nd year, I placed a personal ad, a lady answered the ad, we met at a Denny's restaurant in So Calif........the rest in history. I feel in love with this lady for the "go", asked her to marry me and a year later we were married. We do have our "ups/downs", but all-in-all, it is a very loving, great marriage and she is one heck of a great wife.
Don't be "down" on marriage if you, at one time, married the wrong person. Marriage can/is a absolutely beautiful thing.......IF it is the right person. Know what you want, don't accept less, and GO FOR IT. Don't like smoking...don't marry a smoker! Don't like a lot of drinking.....don't marry a mate that drinks a lot. Marry a gentleman or a lady and marry for TRUE LOVE.
I'm not saying you won't get married again. But never rule out the possibility. If you are happy with who you are and are comfortable with yourself the possibility of finding someone may be there before you die. Then again it may not but if it isn't, it won't matter cause you are fine being yourself. Liz
^5 to that post!
I never even got asked out on a date. My first date came when I was 28. I had resigned myself to being the "crazy cat lady". It wasn't until I quit looking, that Mr.Wonderful walked into my life; asked me out on a date and eventually asked for my hand in marriage. I couldn't be happier with him.
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) to the unknown. Besides I like the mystery of life and would be really bored if I knew what was going to happen the rest of my life. 
I don't think so. I AM too picky. 
