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It seems like everyone is so focused on their intent and getting something. Just chill the heck out and talk to people for the sake of living life. The rest falls into place.
This please.
You really won't know if you even WANT to date until you talk to them for a bit. Heck, you could meet someone, think they are good looking and then find out they are a complete airhead. Or you could start talking with someone you thought were "meh.. looking" and love their personality so much you become interested.
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You really won't know if you even WANT to date until you talk to them for a bit. Heck, you could meet someone, think they are good looking and then find out they are a complete airhead. Or you could start talking with someone you thought were "meh.. looking" and love their personality so much you become interested.
This. In my single life, there were women who were incredibly attractive to me right up to the point where they opened their mouths and started to talk. "Oh, hey, look at the time," was my standard response.
Coffee shops and bookstores are a different animal, because the dynamic is different. Books are interesting, and so are the people who read them. Simply remarking to a woman in the checkout line, "I read that. It's great" is a natural opening.
You take the “simply remarking” approach because it is easy for you and generally simple. I am talking about when you are in a situation when you need to make an approach and you are not in a stable environment, and it is not premeditated. It’s in the moment and may not be as convenient as walking into a book store. I don’t go to book stores to look for “interesting people”. It’s a layout not for convenience. Not everyone registers your book store scenario. However, being anywhere at any given time like riding an escalator is more reasonable and the approach matters. What follows, I haven’t covered yet…..
Again, its random approaches- not stable environment approaches.
It seems like everyone is so focused on their intent and getting something. Just chill the heck out and talk to people for the sake of living life. The rest falls into place.
I covered that part out as well in my OP- some people are highly sensitive and get aroused easily. Do not attempt to measure sensitivity and arousal levels of others.
And I hope the millions of people that have issues approaching people or in life general, will take your advice and all should be well. So simple... What is the word again, empathy?
You take the “simply remarking” approach because it is easy for you and generally simple. I am talking about when you are in a situation when you need to make an approach and you are not in a stable environment, and it is not premeditated. It’s in the moment and may not be as convenient as walking into a book store. I don’t go to book stores to look for “interesting people”. It’s a layout not for convenience. Not everyone registers your book store scenario. However, being anywhere at any given time like riding an escalator is more reasonable and the approach matters. What follows, I haven’t covered yet…..
Again, its random approaches- not stable environment approaches.
The entirety of the language you use, the stilted formality of it and the mechanistic belief it seems to embrace, shows that you don't get it. All situations are different and all people are different.
It boils down to two simple bits of advice: a) get comfortable talking to all people and b) wing it.
This is exactly what I knew would happen- rather than building on a proposed layout, people are telling other folks to "chill, all will fall into place", go to coffee shops, "you are making it too hard". Well, you obviously understand trig and are you really expecting those that can't pass algebra to see things the way you do?
Random approach in public, especially for men, requires the following basics: confidence, neutral aesthetics, and emotional wittiness- possibly in that order. However, there is one other vital element in which I will explain below. This is simply an observation I am working on based on what I have been noticing from others and my personal recent experience while taking the metro and walking city streets. I know some men will challenge this just for the sake of being “one up” but it is not fool proof. I am just sharing it from a psychological point so that a conversation can be had and it can be further developed. So put the swinging D's away
So, let explore the 3 basic elements.
1- Confidence: self confidence in the approach as you need to be cool and disguise any sexual arousal.
2- Aesthetics: You have to somewhat be presentable (not necessarily stunning) at the areas of hygiene, physical appearance, and clothing.
3- Wittiness: A guy has to create atmosphere out of thin air based on clever verbal delivery with exact timing- humorous or not. He must also use that wit and confidence to be able to quickly remove himself from the situation while remaining composed if the approach is unwanted or goes sour. However, there is one element that overrides the above listed. It is not a standalone element but an overall state of mind. And that is- you have to be "on it" at any given time. By that, I am referring to times where one has had some coffee or experiencing any other natural occurring stimulation, is in a cheerful mood because its generally a good day, and gets on that roll flirting with everyone. This state of well being allows for the casual flirt with a coworker with ease. But then there are other times when that same individual freezes up at that particular moment because they are out of their comfort zone, in a public area, or may not be experiencing that same overly sense of stimulation. This freeze may come irregardless of level of confidence and or wittiness. Unfortunately, street game has no mercy and the constant "on it" factor is very self emotion driven. Some can naturally be "on it" at all times like comedians or those regularly working with the general public. They have a way of exuding confidence and think quickly on all occasions. Others have to practice and some, even with practice, still fall victim to how uppity they feel at the moment. This may lead to dwelling on the attraction and why the approach wasn't made. In other words, being "on it" is similar to having that in the "right happy place" one experiences after a few drinks at any given time. But, if a guy lacks any of the basic 3 abilities in that particular moment, irregardless of being "on it" or has to rely on “premeditated planning” where he is allowed time to build that confidence and clever verbal content, time may not be on his side and he may potentially blow it by blurting out emotional gibberish.
Random approaches in the literal sense and in places such as streets, subways, coffee shops, can be especially very difficult for the emotional type- you know, the one that sees a fine young lady and becomes paralyzed or blurts out the “hey baby or come here girl” in an attempt to raise the confidence level. For example, there can be a female walking by that physically matches a guy’s every pleasing fetish such as curvy hips, long legs, perfect skin color, perfect colored and styled hair. This can certainly be overwhelming for that individual who may be highly sensitive and easily aroused. Rather than think and act swiftly of an approach, he may be fighting sexual urges and the brain starts to dwell on those urges aka Eye F______g. So with that said, the above 3 play a big role but have to work in synergy with one's mental state. And to counter the emotional struggle one may have by not always being "on it", it is wise to practice premeditated scenarios prior to leaving the house or place of business. It is important to assess one's mental state and apply the above 3 according to the practiced state- feeling stimulated or not. Beware that merely practicing approaches without the assessment of mental state will still result in freeze ups or negative emotional approaches.
So at the end, all 4 elements are crucial for either pick up or withdrawal success.
Can some tech-savvy person possibly invent an algorithm that could filter out PUA type stuff like this? Lord, it just never ends...
It is a known fact that there is a dark side in creativity. A lot of amazing performers are severely depressed. Many of them have confidence issue.
I don't mean to say that I am a talented artist, I am just okay. But I know I always had confidence issue because part of being an artist is getting used to the idea of been rejected. There is really nothing you can do, because there are always people better than you outside. Many artists are also egomaniacs. Who can really be the judge and say one is a better artist than the other?
Many artists can be arrogant on the outside, but deep down, many of them are scared little kids who are desperately looking for approval.
I personally have no problems cold approach a guy if I think he is worth it. I just have never really approached anybody. I do talk to a lot of strangers on daily basis because I like to social with people. That is not approaching. I talk to both girls and guys.
I do believe confidence is overrated. I have given up the dream of being an artist a long time ago because art has never been my true passion. So giving up on that dream is easy for me. For many of my friends who are truly successful, they are NEVER afraid of rejection. Not saying they like it, but they are willing to take that risk.
One of my friend told me one day that I have way more talents than he has, I just need "confidence." I told him that "Lol, I don't need this whole art too much. It is not bread and butter for me, it is not life or death situation for me." He thought about it for a little while and said he agreed with me. He wanted art, I didn't.
I guess the moral of the story is that if somebody want to approach the man and woman so much, they will do it with no problem. Confidence is truly overrated.
I like to talk to people because I like to social. Do I feel I must cold approach somebody to get a date? Nah, never felt that way. I doubt I ever will.
All I read is I, I, I, and I.
I am not trying to undermind you but this post wasn't for 1 particular person or frame of mind. People pay butt loads of money to get training on approaching women. So what do we really mean when we talk about ourselves not feeling a certain way? Its not about you, its about those that don't have your ability.
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