My parents have disowned me because of gf, now what? (boyfriends, marriage)
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I don't blame your girlfriend for being upset. Your girlfriend - or any future girlfriends who aren't Indian - are in for a difficult time unless your parents become more accepting. What happens when you have children? Will their grandparents shun them or make them feel unloved because they happen to be half white? Will your girlfriend/wife be shunned at all family gatherings? Will she be subjected to snide comments, criticized at every move, or just left out of all family interactions?
All of that will be an additional stress on your relationship. If your parents don't change their attitude, it will mean you must make a choice to find a partner they approve of, or cutting contact with your parents to a large degree.
It is your life. No matter what other people's expectations are, ultimately it is you who must decide what it is that will make you fulfilled and happy.
You're financially independent so I don't think you should seek your parents approval.
Live your life. If they come around, great. If they don't, their loss. Your happiness comes first.
What's the point of dating someone you're not into to please your parents? You're only going to hurt yourself, the girl and resent your parents for ruining your potential prospects. Man, love is not something you can plan/dictate. You can't help who you're attracted to.
Your parents have their own values and I respect that but there comes a point in life where you should stop seeking validation from people who aren't directly affected by your choices. Making the adequate choices instead of making the right choices only leads to frustration. Life your life the way you want to live it. You'll only end up resenting your parents if you keep subjecting yourself to their "rules".
Sure, it's hard to go against your parents wishes, but I believe that you're not their property for heaven's sake. You are your own entity. They raised you, sure, but you have to cut the cord at some point man.
This is not anything new. Things like this have been happening in America forever. I would say between black and white families. Of course not so much now, but in the past.
Usually the parents just aren't going to give in, but they may. It happened in my family. When we were young, my cousin dated black men and she eventually married and had a child with a black man. He was a great guy and none of us had any issue with it at all. None of us but her dad. He disowned her.
We lost my aunt a few years later and I think it was her death that brought my uncle around. Many of the children from his family are in interracial relationships of all kinds. These days it makes no difference.
You know years ago, it was a much bigger deal than it is now. As a young person I knew better than to do that. It would not have been acceptable.
Now I have children who are 18 and 20 and it wouldn't bother me a bit if they brought home someone who was not white. Just as long the person treated them well. No big deal.
I have a feeling that your situation will be different.
Most Indian parents I know would not care if she was from Mars if she was highly educated, professionally successful, and came from a good family (intact, no crazies). That is a slim population of white people.
So against my better judgement I took my gf to my parents dinner party. I though I could just keep her away from my parents by introducing her to my old friends. However, my mom was able to spot the one white person at the house and correctly deduced that she was my gf. My parents flipped out and now I'm no longer their son until I dump her and submit to an arranged marriage. For all intents and purposes I've been disowned because I have no intention of dumping her. I can live with it but my gf is pretty distraught over it and is asking me how she can get their approval. To make this night up to her I'm going to dedicate tomorrow to what she wants to do. But then what? I don't think she can let things go easily.
Good for you to stand up for yourself and your girl friend.
Everyone should be with somene that makes them happy, regardless nationality, race, etc.
Do not allow parents to make decisions for you. This is your life.
Do not allow parents to make you feel guilty by disowning you. This is your life!
Parents are from a different generations. Don't let them pressure you to do something you will regret for next 60 years of your life.
Again, good for you for standing up for yourself and your opinions.
In retrospect, do you think there might have been a better way to handle this situation you knew was coming other than bringing your GF to your parents' house and and trying to hide her from them by pretending you don't know her? I have never heard of such a thing.
Maybe in future you could have a mature discussion with your parents before the meeting, thereby avoiding all the drama that you said you were trying so hard to avoid.
Seems to me your childish, fearful approach made the situation much worse for your GF and your family.
Also, are your "hood" friends all Indian too? I have never heard of East Asian ghetto thugs in the US.
So against my better judgement I took my gf to my parents dinner party. I though I could just keep her away from my parents by introducing her to my old friends. However, my mom was able to spot the one white person at the house and correctly deduced that she was my gf. My parents flipped out and now I'm no longer their son until I dump her and submit to an arranged marriage. For all intents and purposes I've been disowned because I have no intention of dumping her. I can live with it but my gf is pretty distraught over it and is asking me how she can get their approval. To make this night up to her I'm going to dedicate tomorrow to what she wants to do. But then what? I don't think she can let things go easily.
If you're a teenager you have the rest of your life to entertain interracial relationships, just move on. I have nothing against them, but for the average teenager, it is too much drama (which is why a lot of teenagers do this, some out of rebellion). Rarely is it worth the effort as those relationships tend to dissipate once the novelty of it being something different wears off.
If you're an adult and you are still having this issue, they'll learn to accept it. I wouldn't change anything.
In retrospect, do you think there might have been a better way to handle this situation you knew was coming other than bringing your GF to your parents' house and and trying to hide her from them by pretending you don't know her? I have never heard of such a thing.
Maybe in future you could have a mature discussion with your parents before the meeting, thereby avoiding all the drama that you said you were trying so hard to avoid.
Seems to me your childish, fearful approach made the situation much worse for your GF and your family.
Also, are your "hood" friends all Indian too? I have never heard of East Asian ghetto thugs in the US.
And yeah, I never heard of East Asian ghetto thugs as well.
In retrospect, do you think there might have been a better way to handle this situation you knew was coming other than bringing your GF to your parents' house and and trying to hide her from them by pretending you don't know her? I have never heard of such a thing.
Seems to me your childish, fearful approach made the situation much worse for your GF and your family.
What, you don't think pretending there isn't a problem with the hopes that it will just go away isn't the mature course of action?
Since your parents are living in this country, they have to expect that at least one of their offspring isn't going to follow the Old World path. They should have been expecting this all along.
I can only add my agreement to the throngs of posters who say It's Your Life. Live it how you choose.
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I have never heard of such a thing.
