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I'm recently divorced, almost, but not quite a year. (as of now)
I met my current boyfriend on a dating site, we clicked, but I was working A LOT so I told him lets keep talking/keep it casual and date more in the summer when things at work slowed down for me. He pursued even harder then, I thought it was sweet so I allowed it.
As a result we got more involved and within a month of meeting he asked me to move in. My lease was up and it made sense to see where this was headed so I said yes.
Once I moved in there wasn't room for my things so they are still in boxes in the guest room closet or garage. In addition he hates a lot of my stuff so I got rid of it, or it is still in his garage. This made me uncomfortable- I didn't feel at home, so I told him so. His solution was for me to purchase new things for the house instead of displaying my things. I didn't want to spend my money this way and have since told him.
He has also done things like make large purchases and want me to pay part, when I refuse because I am not ready to put our finances together he pulls things like buys a kindle, doesn't like it, asks me to take it back and get an Ipad, which costs more, and then wants me to pay the difference. He then won't pay me back and says that it is "ours" even though I never use it or expressed a wish to use it.
He has also been pressuring me to have a baby by august, quit my job and get one closer to where we live, even though this means a hit to my retirement and a pay cut for me, dress more sexy and get a boob job. When confronted with how these things bother me he says that he would wear me down eventually to do them just wait, or that he was joking, when I pursued the issue.
As a result I have decided to move out. I told him that I wanted to move out two weeks ago. He said that I had a choice. Him or moving out. I love him and so I stayed but the whole time I felt it was wrong so I kept looking for apartments and found one- and now I'm sitting on the floor of my new home after I have gotten in a fight with my boyfriend over moving out and the ultimatum he gave me. Granted all my things are still at his house, I have a blanket and a bag full of essentials.
But our fight was over how I have told him that we have moved too fast for me, that I am not ready for a baby, sharing finances, and that I leaped too soon into this relationship and that I wanted a step back so that I can continue to grow- as I had never been on my own prior to my divorce (married at 18, for 11 years, divorced less than 9 months moved in with him)
My question is-
am I crazy for wanting to do this, for taking a step back and moving out? He can't understand that I need to do this because I'm not ready for what he is asking yet. I really feel that if he loved me like he says he does that he would be supportive of this and want to see me mentally and emotionally prepared and ready to be the mother of his children and a good partner. Am I nuts for thinking that this is the way to do it?
lol, Put yourself in our shoes.."I've been divorced less than a year, and a I recently moved in with a guy after only knowing him for a month..And now I want to back off a bit and DURRRR!"
Any man who would ask a woman to move in with him, within a month of meeting her, is not the type of guy you want to be with. Any woman who would say yes is not the type of woman I'd want to date.
Blunt, but thank you for the honesty. I know I have personal work to do...thus moving out and taking a step back. So I'll take that response as- I'm not crazy for wanting to move out, but I'm crazy.
Blunt, but thank you for the honesty. I know I have personal work to do...thus moving out and taking a step back. So I'll take that response as- I'm not crazy for wanting to move out, but I'm crazy.
I'm recently divorced, almost, but not quite a year. (as of now)
I met my current boyfriend on a dating site, we clicked, but I was working A LOT so I told him lets keep talking/keep it casual and date more in the summer when things at work slowed down for me. He pursued even harder then, I thought it was sweet so I allowed it.
As a result we got more involved and within a month of meeting he asked me to move in. My lease was up and it made sense to see where this was headed so I said yes.
Once I moved in there wasn't room for my things so they are still in boxes in the guest room closet or garage. In addition he hates a lot of my stuff so I got rid of it, or it is still in his garage. This made me uncomfortable- I didn't feel at home, so I told him so. His solution was for me to purchase new things for the house instead of displaying my things. I didn't want to spend my money this way and have since told him.
He has also done things like make large purchases and want me to pay part, when I refuse because I am not ready to put our finances together he pulls things like buys a kindle, doesn't like it, asks me to take it back and get an Ipad, which costs more, and then wants me to pay the difference. He then won't pay me back and says that it is "ours" even though I never use it or expressed a wish to use it.
He has also been pressuring me to have a baby by august, quit my job and get one closer to where we live, even though this means a hit to my retirement and a pay cut for me, dress more sexy and get a boob job. When confronted with how these things bother me he says that he would wear me down eventually to do them just wait, or that he was joking, when I pursued the issue.
As a result I have decided to move out. I told him that I wanted to move out two weeks ago. He said that I had a choice. Him or moving out. I love him and so I stayed but the whole time I felt it was wrong so I kept looking for apartments and found one- and now I'm sitting on the floor of my new home after I have gotten in a fight with my boyfriend over moving out and the ultimatum he gave me. Granted all my things are still at his house, I have a blanket and a bag full of essentials.
But our fight was over how I have told him that we have moved too fast for me, that I am not ready for a baby, sharing finances, and that I leaped too soon into this relationship and that I wanted a step back so that I can continue to grow- as I had never been on my own prior to my divorce (married at 18, for 11 years, divorced less than 9 months moved in with him)
My question is-
am I crazy for wanting to do this, for taking a step back and moving out? He can't understand that I need to do this because I'm not ready for what he is asking yet. I really feel that if he loved me like he says he does that he would be supportive of this and want to see me mentally and emotionally prepared and ready to be the mother of his children and a good partner. Am I nuts for thinking that this is the way to do it?
i say dump him in a back alley somewhere, he is using you, and he is very controlling. it isnt bad now, but if you stay much longer, you will find him integrating himself into your life completely, and you will be cut off from your outside support. good move leaving.
You seem to be making the right choice to move out and move on with your life without him. Are you really ready for a relationship? Slow down, enjoy your single life for a while, get to know yourself as a single person and take time to get to know the person when you start to date again. Don't let him talk you into seeing him after you get your stuff.
Divorce hurts and often times clouds judgement when dating again. It is much easier to deal with a mistake when you are not living with the person.
Not crazy at all, you are. You came back to your senses in the nick of time, I'd say. Hang in. You'll do fine.
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Nope.
