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The effects of rejection depends on the person. It can be the cause of a downward spiral or it can be an important learning experience to build upon. It's all about what you make the rejection mean. So make it mean something good.
After all, if you never get rejected, then you're not human...
i think people who have little to no rejection wont be well adjusted adults
imagine always getting what you want in life then all of a sudden someone says NO!...it will be a major shock to your central processing unit
all you can do is get over it and keep it moving
I suspect that the people who have the hardest time with being rejected are of the "everyone's a winner" generation. If you always got a trophy for effort, or a part in the play or a spot on the team regardless of talent or ability, you're going to have a hard time when someone tells you "no."
Most of the rejection that I've dealt with has been with my career. When you choose a creative profession - you face LOTS of rejection. I learned not to measure my self worth by my career - and that all I could do was work on being the best that I could possibly be. I'm only in competition with myself - regardless of how competitive my profession is. There were some years where I was miserable - and I knew that if I wanted to make this my career for the rest of my life, I was going to have to find a way to deal with it.
I can relate. Every week I pitch either my ideas or my services, and although I have my successes, nearly every week I get some kind of rejection, too. But that is just part of the business, and long ago, I learned to expect it and not take it as a reflection of my worth as either a writer or a person.
Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle
I suspect that the people who have the hardest time with being rejected are of the "everyone's a winner" generation. If you always got a trophy for effort, or a part in the play or a spot on the team regardless of talent or ability, you're going to have a hard time when someone tells you "no."
I've touched upon this in other threads, and commented that our schools and modern parents are doing kids a huge injustice by not teaching them how to lose gracefully.
Personality types, character, and your life experience have a lot to do with how you handle rejection. Some people feel things a lot more deeply than others I realized as I matured.
There are people who have no problem getting up and brushing of the dust and keeping going. While others are deeply hurt in every way by rejection and it takes a long time to recover.
I fall into the later category...I used to make it even worse by harboring the rejection failure complex, I would sync it to every other rejection and failure in my entire life and build a case against myself. I would be so down for so long.
Now I take it and hold it, and look at it. I acknowledge it for a learning experience. And I let myself know that I'm going to be a better person because of it. There is no mystical experience in it. Its just part of the human condition.
I can let myself feel the pain without beleiving that it means I'm anything other than a human going through the human expereince of existing.
I try not to think of what ifs, and if I hadn't done this or that then it would have been different. Because it wasn't different. It was exactly what it was, and what it should be so I could learn.
I suspect that the people who have the hardest time with being rejected are of the "everyone's a winner" generation. If you always got a trophy for effort, or a part in the play or a spot on the team regardless of talent or ability, you're going to have a hard time when someone tells you "no."
That's kind of a cheap shot to bash a generation since that is not the topic of the thread.
Rejection used to freak me out when I was in my teens, but now in my late 30s I really don't give a crap. And really didn't in my 20s either.
I'm happy with my life, and I have a lot of people who love me. My coworkers respect me. I've maintained many of my friendships for decades. I have hobbies, pets, responsibilities, etc. If someone wants to reject me romantically, it's no skin off my back - there's too much other good stuff going on.
I mean, really, look at it from a clinical perspective. They don't feel that way about you - so you are hoping they'll change their mind? Maybe wishing things were different? Well, they're not. Reality is what it is. You just move on. I can honestly say that I've never wasted two seconds on a guy once I've known he wasn't interested.
Now, what I DO have a hard time with is ambiguity, when someone doesn't send clear signals. Rejection is easy to overcome by comparison. Ambiguity makes you doubt your own perceptions and that is far more awful than rejection. You feel undermined and confused and uncertain. Ugh.
And then there was the guy who asked me out again at the end of the date - "Would you like to do this again?" And when I emailed him the next day to see when he was free, he told me "he didn't feel an emotional connection or any attraction" to me. WTF? Then why ask me out again, dumbass? Yep, I definitely prefer people who lay their cards out up-front.
Although I have never been flat out directly rejected by a guy, I don't deal with the thought well at all. I have seen guys I like go for other girls, and I beat myself up and blame myself for EVERYTHING. I can stay depressed for weeks about it as well.
As far as friendships and jobs, and other miscellaneous things I deal with it pretty well. The only time I am REALLY hard on myself is when I make little simple mistakes. I have been told no a lot, it doesn't really bother me much.
Rejection is something that every single one of us has to face at some point. Its come in many forms and through many avenues.....dating, friendship, career, childhood, etc
Many of my anxieties and missed opportunties stemmed from past rejections I experienced growing up in my teens and 20's. Fortunately I learned to deal with and use rejection as a tool to make me stronger. Yes it still stings, but not nearly as much as it use to.
Very interested in hearing how you not only DEAL WITH rejection but how you OVERCOME it?
Feel free to share.
i recognize that it is going to happen, and there is nothing i can do about it. if you chase someone, and they reject you, they may just not be attracted to you. or they may not be looking at that point, or what ever other reason there might be.
to get over the rejection, thats easy. you dont have to get over something you never had in the first place. if you get rejected, just move on and try your luck with someone else, and recognize that someone out there will fall for you. perhaps several someones.
i recognize that it is going to happen, and there is nothing i can do about it. if you chase someone, and they reject you, they may just not be attracted to you. or they may not be looking at that point, or what ever other reason there might be.
to get over the rejection, thats easy. you dont have to get over something you never had in the first place. if you get rejected, just move on and try your luck with someone else, and recognize that someone out there will fall for you. perhaps several someones.
yeah, but you hate me because you wont run away with me.
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