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Dating sites are full of guys just looking for sex. But I'm surprised at the number who are looking for marriage and are so focused on it. That would make sense on a site like eHarmony, but sites like Match and OKC always struck me as places for the casual dater. Speaking of casual, it's clear that the word casual means different things to different people. I can see a lot of people getting the wrong idea when I see it on a profile. To me, casual just means you're getting together every now and then to have fun, but it's nothing serious. You're not meeting each other's families, you're not planning to live together, and you're not telling everyone that exclusive. But it's a little fuzzy as to whether you're FWB or not. So you have to be careful about using the word casual in a dating profile. People might see it and think you're just looking a sex buddy.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,138,234 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jillabean
I know of a few couples like this. I have a neighbor who has a girlfriend... she comes over maybe twice a week (neither of them have kids although she's caring for her dying mother and works full time. He works full time and also volunteers in the community and is very active). They are a sweet couple and have been together for over 10 years. They only see each other (are exclusive) and they both have no desire to marry or move in together. They take trips together and sometimes stay a week or so together (and over nighters too of course). And they seem happy too. That's kind of what I am looking for.
Sounds great. I wish more people were looking for this.
Dating sites are full of guys just looking for sex. But I'm surprised at the number who are looking for marriage and are so focused on it. That would make sense on a site like eHarmony, but sites like Match and OKC always struck me as places for the casual dater. Speaking of casual, it's clear that the word casual means different things to different people. I can see a lot of people getting the wrong idea when I see it on a profile. To me, casual just means you're getting together every now and then to have fun, but it's nothing serious. You're not meeting each other's families, you're not planning to live together, and you're not telling everyone that exclusive. But it's a little fuzzy as to whether you're FWB or not. So you have to be careful about using the word casual in a dating profile. People might see it and think you're just looking a sex buddy.
Both are definitely more casual than eHarmony, and I'd say the vast majority use the site in that way. But a good chunk of the men I interacted with in the late 30's to early 40's range, never married, were looking for an actual relationship. The younger men were looking for "whatever," often something transient or casual. Older divorced men or men recently out of a LTR were also more into casual dating.
And for those looking for casual, it's much less of a challenge. There's obviously a greater challenge when you want something serious. I became much, much more selective in this situation, but still managed to come across men who were interested in the same.
For me, I've always ran into arrogant or vain women. Which is really not my thing. Some guys are better with women who have egos, but I'm not. I noticed I almost always ran into these sort of women when I was doing online dating. Or I'll meet women who want me to be something I'm not. I'm not going to say that it's a bad thing, but I really feel I get better looking women, with more going on for them offline. Plus every woman online wants to be a diva, or they act like their the hottest commodity in the world right now. Just dumb stuff.
I gave up on online dating years ago. And I've been traveling so I've made less time for dating. I've actually tried to go back online, and I find it even harder to get a woman to respond to your message, let alone even get a phone call or a date. Online hasn't been that great for me, and it's something I would probably never take seriously again.
Both are definitely more casual than eHarmony, and I'd say the vast majority use the site in that way. But a good chunk of the men I interacted with in the late 30's to early 40's range, never married, were looking for an actual relationship. The younger men were looking for "whatever," often something transient or casual. Older divorced men or men recently out of a LTR were also more into casual dating.
And for those looking for casual, it's much less of a challenge. There's obviously a greater challenge when you want something serious. I became much, much more selective in this situation, but still managed to come across men who were interested in the same.
Also, the older we get the pickier we are. Experience, for the most part, makes us wiser and not dumber.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by weezerfan84
Also, the older we get the pickier we are. Experience, for the most part, makes us wiser and not dumber.
"Pickier" sounds so negative, maybe our "tastes are more refined"
I actually think that is slightly more accurate, as I think people are open to things that would have been deal breakers when younger, and perhaps less tolerant of particular dealbreakers...
I never said, nor implied your a piece of crap. I don't understand your hostility. But you're free to think what you want if it helps.
You insinuate that there's got to be something wrong with someone who isn't getting a ~40% reply rate as you claim you are. I just don't see, and haven't seen, where that's close to achievable.
If you're an such an ace profile writer then maybe I should hire you on to write mine. I'm at the point where I've tried pretty much everything.
"Pickier" sounds so negative, maybe our "tastes are more refined"
I actually think that is slightly more accurate, as I think people are open to things that would have been deal breakers when younger, and perhaps less tolerant of particular dealbreakers...
Tastes are more refined is the more accurate term for sure. The women I chased at mid 20s are not the women I'm chasing at 30. The same will likely be when I'm 35 and 40 as well.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,138,234 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by variant
You insinuate that there's got to be something wrong with someone who isn't getting a ~40% reply rate as you claim you are. I just don't see, and haven't seen, where that's close to achievable.
I never insinuated there is something wrong with someone that this happens to. Just that there is something wrong with the equation; they're doing something wrong, or its a location issue, or something else. Those are two completely different statements. It's like when smart, well educated, accomplished people aren't getting interviews. It is rarely that there is something wrong with them, it is usually that their approach (resume, cover letter, etc) doesn't show who they are. The other side isn't seeing the excellent candidate that is applying.
I never insinuated there is something wrong with someone that this happens to. Just that there is something wrong with the equation; they're doing something wrong, or its a location issue, or something else. Those are two completely different statements. It's like when smart, well educated, accomplished people aren't getting interviews. It is rarely that there is something wrong with them, it is usually that their approach (resume, cover letter, etc) doesn't show who they are. The other side isn't seeing the excellent candidate that is applying.
Sorry it isn't working for you.
Again, Phoenix is a big enough town, and I'm vetting my matches the best I can. Any suggestions?
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