Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
It's not necessary. In fact, it's usually more trouble than it's worth, especially if you're not absolutely blown away by the person you're seeing. Why bother?
Just go about your life doing normal things. Enjoy your friends. Do something creative and worthwhile with your time.
And if by chance you stumble across someone whom you can't resist, go out with him/her. No need to date to figure that out.
If you don't want to do them, then you have made a friend.
The guy seemed reasonable and honest, if it is no sex over a short period then he is fine, if she is saying no sex over a long term that's not ok with him.
You want to punish him for being honest and upfront? If a couple is not interested sexually.... really, what's the point?
You can join a meetup group to make new friends.
This.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ellie
Here's some radical advice: don't date.
It's not necessary. In fact, it's usually more trouble than it's worth, especially if you're not absolutely blown away by the person you're seeing. Why bother?
Just go about your life doing normal things. Enjoy your friends. Do something creative and worthwhile with your time.
And if by chance you stumble across someone whom you can't resist, go out with him/her. No need to date to figure that out.
Went through a horrible divorce with a narcissist so I am a lot more cautious about meeting someone new, so after some messages/emails I finally met up with this guy. I was not attracted to his physical looks in particular, but rather his character and our shared values/beliefs. He was attracted to me, and made time to hang out with me on the weekends (I only go there on the weekends) and hung out a few more times. I disclosed my divorce status on the first date, and he asked me a few questions about it on the second date, which made me slightly uncomfortable but I guess there was nothing wrong with people wanting to know more.
I keep looking for red flags, so I can walk away quicker this time if I have to. So far, I have not found any real red flags, except he really wanted to get in bed with me and I had to tell him to respect my boundary several times. I said I had to get to know you better before anything more to happen, and he said he would be OK with that if was short term, not long term. Also, he seems to withhold emotions, which is typical for a guy I guess but I fear that there is nothing under there. Any thoughts? I am just too far away from this dating scene to know what is what anymore.
Telling him several times to respect boundaries would be a red flag for me. It appears that sex early in the relationship is important to him. If that is not where you are right now, you may want to consider waiting for someone who is more patient and who wants to get to know you before having sex.
Telling him several times to respect boundaries would be a red flag for me. It appears that sex early in the relationship is important to him. If that is not where you are right now, you may want to consider waiting for someone who is more patient and who wants to get to know you before having sex.
This is a pretty obvious one. If the OP is having trouble discerning what's red flag-worthy and what isn't, she should hang back until she develops more confidence in herself and her principles.
I don't understand why people waste time on relationships like this one. It's pretty obvious it's going nowhere. You aren't physically attracted to him and all he seems interested in is getting in your pants. You might make good friends but that's about it. Give yourself more time, you're not ready yet.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,940,305 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Huckleberry3911948
this period of post divorce is often referred to as "the dirty dozen".
Ha, so true, seen it with so many of my friends, such a pound town tear... but they get it out of their system quick. Those last years of a bad marriage really build things up!
I don't understand why people waste time on relationships like this one. It's pretty obvious it's going nowhere. You aren't physically attracted to him and all he seems interested in is getting in your pants. You might make good friends but that's about it. Give yourself more time, you're not ready yet.
Amen and amen.
OP, you said yourself that you're not sure what you want out of a relationship yet, and you also said that you're not physically attracted to this guy. It sounds like you do like a lot of things about him, though, so if you think he's a decent sort of guy then don't waste his time while you sort things out in your head.
When and if you do meet a person that you're truly compatible with for a long term, committed relationship, two things will NOT be a question in your head - whether or not you're physically attracted to him, and what you "want" out of the relationship!
Chemistry isn't everything, but it IS a very important component to a long term relationship in my opinion. But respecting others' boundaries and having a firm grasp on one's personal goals are two other VERY important components to a healthy relationship. Frankly, OP, this relationship has NONE of those components. Abort, abort!
I was not attracted to his physical looks in particular, but rather his character and our shared values/beliefs.
I think this is your biggest red flag. What does he do for you emotionally? Liking his character and shared values sounds too rational and a good relationship needs an emotional component.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
