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Yeah, I didn't think I was being unreasonable.. Maybe going behind her back to tell the guy to knock it off was bad?
Is your GF unable to manage her life? Why do you think you needed to override how she was handling it?
Break up with her if you don't like how she handles other men, or stay out of it. Any other option makes you the bad guy.
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As far as I am concerned, there is only one course of action that needs to be undertaken, break up. She is playing you for a fool, disrespecting you, leading on the other guy and playing you off against each other.
You have allowed yourself to become the insecure bf and responded to her games. She enjoys the attention, drama and enjoys it when you act against the other guy. Remain in this sham of a relationship and you will receive more drama while your masculinity, self respect and temper is gradually eroded. Remain with her and regret it but you were warned.
No matter how hot or sexy, never ever be afraid to walk.
I am not sure I could be with someone who says They don't like them romantically after they (the other party) has confessed their intentions. then goes off and gives everything needed to find her when and wherever she may be to keep contact open.
....bad situation, Lots of bullpucky being slung and soon you will be slinging right along with them.
I would leave the situation TBTH.
Ignorance is not an excuse. She is fully aware what the man desires of her. It is disrespectful of her SO to allow him to talk the way he does to her....she is accepting his behavior by omission.
FWIW lots of females do this when they are getting positive attention....she isn't looking at it from the view point you are. You're in protector mode trying to avert possible dangers because you feel threatened that she would allow people with other motivations close.
She is looking at it as some dude who likes to talk to her and that's that.
Last edited by rego00123; 07-15-2014 at 11:53 PM..
But when I told her what I did, she still got mad at me! She said "I don't want him to think I'm a [female dog]!" to which I replied, "well I don't want him thinking he has a chance with you". I don't want this guy to ruin our relationship, and before you tell me I'm an idiot for thinking that my gf doesn't like him, my girlfriend has flat out rejected his attempts at asking her out. Maybe I have jealousy issues? I just don't understand why she keeps talking to him.
1) She's with you so relax, 2) the guy who is going to ruin your relationship is you, 3) she is handling it as best as she possibly could.
She's continues to talk to him because it doesn't mean anything.
You have four choices....you can continue to fear the worse, act on your suspicions, which will hand deliver your g/f to one of her guy friends or chubby.
You can ignore her need to be friendly with this co worker, which means you need to stop trying to control/change the way she is. Stop letting her crap own you, and be perfectly happy in the relationship.
Break up with her, because her behavior is making you mad.
Be clever with that guy, have confidence/be the rooster with the biggest feathers....next time he calls, let her talk for however long she wants, be cool, say of do things that always gets her turned on.....and when you think its time, as you are getting on her, tell the guy "thanks man, for warming her up for me" and hang up....your g/f will laugh, if he is a fool and she is really only being cool with him because of work.
When you talk to your g/f about this situation, do you discuss it when you reach a certain point. Do you have these talks, when everybody is on edge? If so try to save serious talks after you have a great day together. And tell her that you are sorry for acting jealous, and that your feelings are hurt when she talks on the phone with the guy, since you don't get to spend the time together like you want. Apologize for your reaction from feeling hurt, do not apologize for what make you hurt.
OP, unfortunately the situation you are in reminds me why committed men must continue to flirt with and possibly have as many close female friends as you possibly can.
If any guy has a moderately pretty GF/SO, there will always be men pursuing her. Whether it's for a fling, relationship, or male ego, the woman will be constantly getting attention. Most women do not like their BF/SO acting jealous so in some ways men must actively find potential partners for flirting/cheating.
I really hate cheating, but it's too hard to police the actions of other guys and women hate jealousy. So start giving your number to the attractive female co-workers and possibly start hanging around them. It's a vicious cycle and hopefully you can find a woman who respects your relationship enough to not engage in this type of behaviour.
I believe her that she doesn't like him either as a friend or as more than friends. But she gets mad when I tell her not to talk to him, even though she says he's annoying! Her response: "He's nice enough, and he hasn't given me a reason to ignore him."
Add to this that it can be beneficial to maintain a cordial and social relationship with co-workers even outside the work place. Our relationships with co-workers do not always start and end at the office threshold.
Quote:
Originally Posted by NYRhockeyfan
She's shown me their conversations; he always has to say something about how much of a dbag I am, even though he barely knows me. (Now, I did do a little passive-aggressive stuff when I met him before, just some harsh looks and ignoring him when he talked)
It is certainly out of line that he is making personal derogatory comments about you in conversations with her. I do not think you have the right to tell your partner who she can or can not talk to. But you certainly have the right to confront both him - on his comments - and her - on her facilitation of them - where they are relevant to you in a derogatory fashion.
You are clearly not blameless in this equation either however. Ignoring people is childish and unwarranted and you should be more mature than that. You are all adults. Not pouting pre-teens having a strop.
Quote:
Originally Posted by NYRhockeyfan
When I talked to him in private over the phone, I told him to back off, that my girlfriend is just that, my girlfriend, and that she has no interest in him whatsoever.
Again you were out of line here. You had every right to confront him about his personal comments about you. I would have done too in your position. You have absolutely no right to attack the nature of their friendship however. Girlfriends are not dogs or posessions. They are autonomous individuals. Treat them as such or your behaviour - rather than keeping her out of the arms of another man - are more likely to send her into them.
My girlfriend is, at least I think, attractive by most standards. Now there's this guy who works with her who will just not leave her alone. In my opinion, he's obnoxious and annoying, and she did agree with me on that. However, she gave him her number and snapchat and always responds when he contacts her, and has conversations with him, and whenever she does some social outing with coworkers he always makes sure to come along even if he originally didn't plan to.
I believe her that she doesn't like him either as a friend or as more than friends. But she gets mad when I tell her not to talk to him, even though she says he's annoying! Her response: "He's nice enough, and he hasn't given me a reason to ignore him." She's shown me their conversations; he always has to say something about how much of a dbag I am, even though he barely knows me. (Now, I did do a little passive-aggressive stuff when I met him before, just some harsh looks and ignoring him when he talked) When I talked to him in private over the phone, I told him to back off, that my girlfriend is just that, my girlfriend, and that she has no interest in him whatsoever.
But when I told her what I did, she still got mad at me! She said "I don't want him to think I'm a [female dog]!" to which I replied, "well I don't want him thinking he has a chance with you". I don't want this guy to ruin our relationship, and before you tell me I'm an idiot for thinking that my gf doesn't like him, my girlfriend has flat out rejected his attempts at asking her out. Maybe I have jealousy issues? I just don't understand why she keeps talking to him.
at some point in time, you are going to have to trust her. you cannot, no matter how hard you try, control her life. the more you try to control her, the more you will push her away.
No, he's not attractive, he's well, quite chubby. But at the same time.. A couple of her exes aren't attractive (totally straight man here), but she said she does value personality and could overlook physical attractiveness..
Which is why I'm concerned. The guy calls her beautiful, amazing, all the time and she doesn't set boundaries.
Ok this is why she has to be the one to set boundaries with this coworker. Try and stop worrying so much. I think one point is that in general woman can be friends w/men and believe me we're not thinking of anything else with a guy we see as "just a friend". However, you and your girlfriend need to have a talk and get on the same page so that their is mutual respect.
Figure out together where you two are in the relationship, maybe you'll be the one to realize she isn't quite right for you afterall. You know its a trip sometimes how things work out. What is meant to be will be.
So far, what I'm taking away from this is that your girlfriend has an overly controlling boyfriend with a jealous streak.
She's a grown-ass woman. She's managing the situation and has not expressed anything but mild annoyance. You, OP, however, are acting like a spoiled child and a bully.
Frankly, if I were her, I'd be done with both of you.
Hilarious reply! That's exactly what I was thinking...Is this your gf or your personal property?
Grow a pair and quit worrying about some other dude stealing your squirrel. If you trust her (which you clearly don't), why don't you believe her?
I gotta admire this guy's persistence though.
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