Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
...Sounds like he's interested but something (maybe other than age difference) seems to be making him flustered.....?
Yup....age isn't the issue.....it might be that he got married sometime along in those ten years.....or has a relationship, gay or otherwise, with another person.....
Red Flag. But I would invest the time to discover what it is before you ignore those beautiful feelings which he otherwise has brought to your soul.
Hi, all. Any advice you can offer me on this situation is appreciated! I'm really confused by this situation I'm in and I just want to do something that will make things casual and normal again. I especially want the older man to feel comfortable.
So I met this man where I work and we got into a nice convo. He's older; I'm 21 and he's probably in his late 20's or early 30's. I just asked him a mundane question one day and he started a conversation. I really enjoyed talking to him because he gave me professional/career advice but also asked me a lot of things about myself that were relatively personal. It felt like he was trying to get to know me and I really liked that. Lot's of eye contact and attentiveness from both of us.
Anyhow, we don't work in the same environment (but in the same building) so I decided I wanted to get to know him better. He seemed like an awesome, cool guy to just talk to but I also found myself attracted to him quite quickly. The next time I ran into him we had a convo again and at the end I asked him to lunch like this: "I'd like to know more about the work you do. Want to grab lunch sometime?" His answer was immediate, day and time. I wasn't used to having a lunch planned out so quickly so that excited me. I made it as professional as I could so that he wouldn't feel uncomfortable (or think it was a date since I prefer things to be as casual and cool as possible) and I even gave him my business card. He did the same.
So I was very excited about it but the day of was kind of odd. I bumped into him in the morning in our communal kitchen and he was quite brief with me. Not in a rude way but he was just quiet and kind of shy almost. He waved goodbye as he left the kitchen with no mention of our eventual lunch. Is this weird, or am I just overanalyzing?
Lunch rolls around. He comes out of his office and I can tell he's a bit flustered. He sees me with my phone in hand and immediately asks me if this isn't a great time for me anymore/if I'm busy. I say of course not, I'm good! He then mentions a sandwich shop we could go to and asks me if it's okay; I respond Yes totally! He then runs towards a printer in a nearby hallway and comments on how his papers didn't print (he's speaking very quickly and his motions are all pretty quick as if he's rushing). This confuses me but I play it cool until we get to our restaurant.
So I'm not going to bore you with all the details of our lunch but I'll point one thing out: We did not talk about his job very much. He also paid, but I don't really put much importance into this haha. He starts the convo by asking me what I like to do for fun and from there we go back and forth exchanging casual convo (our hobbies, musical interests, high school/college experiences, political interests, my Brazilian and Spanish background, career aspirations, my internship, etc.). We end up having the same favorite band and sport; he mocks both of these by saying, "You're too young to like this band" and "But you're quite small, how can YOU play football?" At one point he made a comment about how "us kids" are very blah blah, laughed nervously, and then he looked at me and said, "Oh, I'm sorry!". Meanwhile, I'm just playing it cool and I made it seem like his comment meant nothing. He also bumps into the table (quite hard) when we both sit; his reaction was kinda cute: "Damn table".
At the end, he said he had a lot of fun and I said the same. We both headed back to our building. As we were walking towards our respectful offices I said: "We should grab some dinner sometime". His response was, "Yeah sure we'll plan it out when we bump into each other again in the kitchen". He said goodbye and went back to work. What does his response imply? I feel that he's slightly uncomfortable with my age but he's attracted to me physically. I honestly just want some help with figuring out a way to make things casual and carefree between us again. Should I bring up dinner when I see him or let him? Should I just act normal? If anything, I feel terrible that I may have made him uncomfortable by asking him for dinner and I'd like to let him know that I just look up to him as a mentor and if he's uncomfortable with my age then I won't try anything romantic with him. Help, please!
Thanks so much!
He thinks you're too young for him, that much is pretty obvious from the comments he was making. I'd wait and see what he does and leave him alone in the meantime.
It's the guy way of not being too committed to anything while also not closing any doors. I'm sure if you pursue him more aggressively, he may respond more positively. But in the meantime, not knowing his relationship status and being coworkers, I can see why he would approach this cautiously.
Lol the 'guy way'? So men sometimes pull back when they're unsure if a situation (romantic, date, etc.)? And we're not coworkers we just work on the same floor but for two separate companies. If we were coworkers that'd be a nightmare haha! We'd be distracted all the time.
But how can I ease his concerns in a neutral way so I can mitigate his caution?
Yup....age isn't the issue.....it might be that he got married sometime along in those ten years.....or has a relationship, gay or otherwise, with another person.....
Red Flag. But I would invest the time to discover what it is before you ignore those beautiful feelings which he otherwise has brought to your soul.
Thanks ted bear. I'll keep this in mind when I chat him up this week. If anything a friendship is still possible since we really do get along In my culture people are more open minded about this sort of thing so I'll just have to try to make him comfortable
He thinks you're too young for him, that much is pretty obvious from the comments he was making. I'd wait and see what he does and leave him alone in the meantime.
Yes one of my initial thoughts was his concerns with the age difference. I shocked him when I was talking about myself; he seemed impressed that I could be so mature for my age. I thought he appreciated it but when he teased me about my age I knew something was awry. Is teasing the thing people do when they're uncomfortable or attracted?
I suppose I can't generalize for an entire cultural population since we live in an incredibly modern time but I'm half Brazilian half Spanish (Spain).Throw I'm some Italian in there as well.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
In my culture people are more open minded about this sort of thing so I'll just have to try to make him comfortable
